RUTH
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  • ontario
  • Canada
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About my Loss:
My mother moved from PEI to Ontario in April 2011 to be closer to me, my two brothers, and her four grandchildren. Life was good and my mother had no health issues at all. We spent lots of time together doing various things. In March 2012 she became ill with a persistent cough and was having trouble keeping food down. After two visits to the medical clinic enough was enough...we went to the emergency department to get an x ray. Pneumonia was their conclusion but the dr on duty also noticed some nodules on her lungs...as my mother was not a smoker he didn't seem very concerned but did arrange for a specialist appointment for a follow up. That appointment was made for July 2012, there was nothing sooner. So off we went to take the medication for pneumonia with hopes that everything would be better. Two weeks later there was only a little improvement in her cough...she still had problems keeping food down and started to become short of breath. Off to the hospital again...the verdict at this visit was her heart was beating to fast and that's why she is short of breath and heart meds were now prescribed along with a new appointment to a cardiologist and various tests. After a serious of tests the dr said that medications should control her problem and we scheduled a follow up visit. May 6, my birthday, we had a family bbq and it was becoming more obvious that mom wasn't well and didnt seem to be improving much. She pretended she ate the food but my brother and I saw her throw it out, she didn't want us worrying about her. May 12th, we had planned months earlier that we would go see the Johnny Reid concert that was coming to town, mom was weaker and I didn't think she would be able to manage the walk. So since she insisted on going we bought her a wheelchair. For her to sit in it proved even more that she was not well at all. May 13th, Mothers Day, my children and I spent the day cooking with her, watching movies and enjoying the warm summer weather we were having. May 17th, when I called her in the morning I knew we couldn't wait any longer...the next dr appointment was only a week away but mom was so short of breath that she couldn't hide it anymore. By noon on the 17th, we were once again in the emergency department, checked right in as she was in excruciating pain and I thought she was having a heart attack. The doctor that seen my mother was very cold at first, and i got upset with him as he was acting as if her pain was not real. After another series of x rays, cat scans and other tests...my mother was diagnosed on May 17, 2012 with lymphoma. she never did get to leave the hospital after that day...only for short walks with me pushing her in a wheelchair outside. She tried everything she could to fight this demon that was living in her, the first round of chemo nearly killed her and she had to have a series of blood transfusions. Eventually there was nothing that could be done and she was transferred to a palliative care centre, for end of life care. The care was great, but the environment, families losing other family members daily was a horrible thing to have to watch. All the while you know that your time will eventually come...weeks went on and we basically moved into the room with her. We would take turns going home to run a few errands, make some food to feed all of us, back and forth, back and forth. We enjoyed and cherished every minute that we had as we also ached inside and slowly watched her fade away. I never did see my mother cry...she was brave and strong and again I know she didn't want us worrying about her. Finally, on August 10th, I knew the end was near...her breathing changed, she was in a come from the previous evening....this was to be our last day with mom. Shock is what I think we all felt, how could this be happening to her!? After a brave battle she passed away ...I am missing her so much although I know she is now at peace. Life just isn't the same...she was our angel...

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Latest Activity

jen brown is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
5 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your response, and for providing the link to your post about your NDE as well as describing it in more detail here. Although it's terrible that you were in that accident, in a way it was a blessing for you, in that it allows…"
15 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, your post made me cry because I also feel similar.  I wish you all strength "
yesterday
Bern commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"2012 September 30th. This fight is real. My only son was shot in the head. The girl and her brother were in the house when it happened. The told police that they were playing with the gun. Well a sister and brother will die and go to hell or heaven…"
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Judy sometimes I feel the same way...why do some who don't deserve to live get to while our kids didn't.  And sometimes when I hear others use that word, "miracle" it upsets me too."
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie forgive me if I screw this up but the line, "Don't cry for me, cause I live in eternity" runs through me head all the time."
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie what a beautiful gift!!!!! That was Daniel, letting you know he's there. "
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Ginger I left all my sons pictures right where they were I need to see them. "
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"It's been a while since I've checked in.  I'm actually melting down right now. Don't know what brought it on but can't seem to stop.  I miss everyone and think of all of you all the time.  Michael's…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, a few lost minutes cannot compete with a lifetime of love that you shared with your mom."
Friday
Lia Lynch commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi there.  Brett, you were (are) totally right -- I was and think I still am in shock. There was so much to do, and with my kid to take care of, I wasn't processing. At all. Still not. I didn't get to say goodbye.  She was in a…"
Friday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"As Brett suggests, you sure can be griefstricken without feelings of guilt -- for me guilt doesn't seem relevant to my deep sadness about losing my mother.  It's more a combination of loneliness, shock, emptiness, disappointment…"
Thursday
David is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Seems like we all have our regrets and sadness that we live with every day. But I have noticed for myself that though I still have them, they have softened over time. Bluebell On a different subject I want to celebrate this morning of being able to…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, me too, the only guilt I have is if I did not stop at her house for three minutes, I would have been there, but I was not. I say it everyday why did I do that..."
Thursday
Virginia G posted a blog post

No reason to live

No happiness.  Nothing to look forward to.  Constant pain.  Memories everywhere and longing to be able to make more or even talk about them.  Scared, needing answers, anxious, lost, angry, devastated, guilt ridden.   how could life be so cruel?  It’s just not possible.See More
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, what is what’s app?  I don’t have a smart phone."
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The pain seems to get worse everyday.  I guess the numbness is starting to wear off.  I need God to listen to me.  I can’t live like this."
Thursday
M Adams posted a blog post

In black and white

Today I had to respond to several emails and repeatedly write down that my mother is dead. Finding it very hard to keep writing the words, so hard that it took several days of tearful effort to complete the three most pressing responses.  Finally got them done.  I just miss my mother so much.  I hate picking up the phone now because some part of me still expects her voice at the other end of the line. I feel wounded by family and friends who are grieving so differently from me, who are keen to…See More
Wednesday
M Adams left a comment for Daniella
"On the surface our situations could hardly be more different -- my mother just died, she was 84 years old and had numerous health problems the last five years -- but reading your words touched me, somehow I felt like they were my own, the…"
Wednesday

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