RUTH
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  • ontario
  • Canada
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About my Loss:
My mother moved from PEI to Ontario in April 2011 to be closer to me, my two brothers, and her four grandchildren. Life was good and my mother had no health issues at all. We spent lots of time together doing various things. In March 2012 she became ill with a persistent cough and was having trouble keeping food down. After two visits to the medical clinic enough was enough...we went to the emergency department to get an x ray. Pneumonia was their conclusion but the dr on duty also noticed some nodules on her lungs...as my mother was not a smoker he didn't seem very concerned but did arrange for a specialist appointment for a follow up. That appointment was made for July 2012, there was nothing sooner. So off we went to take the medication for pneumonia with hopes that everything would be better. Two weeks later there was only a little improvement in her cough...she still had problems keeping food down and started to become short of breath. Off to the hospital again...the verdict at this visit was her heart was beating to fast and that's why she is short of breath and heart meds were now prescribed along with a new appointment to a cardiologist and various tests. After a serious of tests the dr said that medications should control her problem and we scheduled a follow up visit. May 6, my birthday, we had a family bbq and it was becoming more obvious that mom wasn't well and didnt seem to be improving much. She pretended she ate the food but my brother and I saw her throw it out, she didn't want us worrying about her. May 12th, we had planned months earlier that we would go see the Johnny Reid concert that was coming to town, mom was weaker and I didn't think she would be able to manage the walk. So since she insisted on going we bought her a wheelchair. For her to sit in it proved even more that she was not well at all. May 13th, Mothers Day, my children and I spent the day cooking with her, watching movies and enjoying the warm summer weather we were having. May 17th, when I called her in the morning I knew we couldn't wait any longer...the next dr appointment was only a week away but mom was so short of breath that she couldn't hide it anymore. By noon on the 17th, we were once again in the emergency department, checked right in as she was in excruciating pain and I thought she was having a heart attack. The doctor that seen my mother was very cold at first, and i got upset with him as he was acting as if her pain was not real. After another series of x rays, cat scans and other tests...my mother was diagnosed on May 17, 2012 with lymphoma. she never did get to leave the hospital after that day...only for short walks with me pushing her in a wheelchair outside. She tried everything she could to fight this demon that was living in her, the first round of chemo nearly killed her and she had to have a series of blood transfusions. Eventually there was nothing that could be done and she was transferred to a palliative care centre, for end of life care. The care was great, but the environment, families losing other family members daily was a horrible thing to have to watch. All the while you know that your time will eventually come...weeks went on and we basically moved into the room with her. We would take turns going home to run a few errands, make some food to feed all of us, back and forth, back and forth. We enjoyed and cherished every minute that we had as we also ached inside and slowly watched her fade away. I never did see my mother cry...she was brave and strong and again I know she didn't want us worrying about her. Finally, on August 10th, I knew the end was near...her breathing changed, she was in a come from the previous evening....this was to be our last day with mom. Shock is what I think we all felt, how could this be happening to her!? After a brave battle she passed away ...I am missing her so much although I know she is now at peace. Life just isn't the same...she was our angel...

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Latest Activity

Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
30 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
4 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
14 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
Friday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
Friday
P updated their profile
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
Friday
Profile IconValerie Groh, diane, Lisa and 6 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
Thursday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
Thursday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
Thursday

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