RUTH
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  • ontario
  • Canada
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About my Loss:
My mother moved from PEI to Ontario in April 2011 to be closer to me, my two brothers, and her four grandchildren. Life was good and my mother had no health issues at all. We spent lots of time together doing various things. In March 2012 she became ill with a persistent cough and was having trouble keeping food down. After two visits to the medical clinic enough was enough...we went to the emergency department to get an x ray. Pneumonia was their conclusion but the dr on duty also noticed some nodules on her lungs...as my mother was not a smoker he didn't seem very concerned but did arrange for a specialist appointment for a follow up. That appointment was made for July 2012, there was nothing sooner. So off we went to take the medication for pneumonia with hopes that everything would be better. Two weeks later there was only a little improvement in her cough...she still had problems keeping food down and started to become short of breath. Off to the hospital again...the verdict at this visit was her heart was beating to fast and that's why she is short of breath and heart meds were now prescribed along with a new appointment to a cardiologist and various tests. After a serious of tests the dr said that medications should control her problem and we scheduled a follow up visit. May 6, my birthday, we had a family bbq and it was becoming more obvious that mom wasn't well and didnt seem to be improving much. She pretended she ate the food but my brother and I saw her throw it out, she didn't want us worrying about her. May 12th, we had planned months earlier that we would go see the Johnny Reid concert that was coming to town, mom was weaker and I didn't think she would be able to manage the walk. So since she insisted on going we bought her a wheelchair. For her to sit in it proved even more that she was not well at all. May 13th, Mothers Day, my children and I spent the day cooking with her, watching movies and enjoying the warm summer weather we were having. May 17th, when I called her in the morning I knew we couldn't wait any longer...the next dr appointment was only a week away but mom was so short of breath that she couldn't hide it anymore. By noon on the 17th, we were once again in the emergency department, checked right in as she was in excruciating pain and I thought she was having a heart attack. The doctor that seen my mother was very cold at first, and i got upset with him as he was acting as if her pain was not real. After another series of x rays, cat scans and other tests...my mother was diagnosed on May 17, 2012 with lymphoma. she never did get to leave the hospital after that day...only for short walks with me pushing her in a wheelchair outside. She tried everything she could to fight this demon that was living in her, the first round of chemo nearly killed her and she had to have a series of blood transfusions. Eventually there was nothing that could be done and she was transferred to a palliative care centre, for end of life care. The care was great, but the environment, families losing other family members daily was a horrible thing to have to watch. All the while you know that your time will eventually come...weeks went on and we basically moved into the room with her. We would take turns going home to run a few errands, make some food to feed all of us, back and forth, back and forth. We enjoyed and cherished every minute that we had as we also ached inside and slowly watched her fade away. I never did see my mother cry...she was brave and strong and again I know she didn't want us worrying about her. Finally, on August 10th, I knew the end was near...her breathing changed, she was in a come from the previous evening....this was to be our last day with mom. Shock is what I think we all felt, how could this be happening to her!? After a brave battle she passed away ...I am missing her so much although I know she is now at peace. Life just isn't the same...she was our angel...

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Something I have noticed is that the content of a dream may not be a big deal, but what you are feeling in the dream is where the power comes from. The dream I had was horrible. It was so short, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach throughout.…"
11 hours ago
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I dream about my Mom & Dad & thankfully they are always good dreams that are comforting.  An Aunt that I was close to is in a lot of the dreams with my parents.  I have one sibling. He is never in the dreams of my parents.  I…"
16 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I rarely dream about my mom. When I do dream about her it is almost always bad. I had a horrible dream last night. It was very short. I was standing near the front door of my mom's house. I looked down to greet my dog. There was a little puppy…"
yesterday
Lauren A Fernandez is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Nancy, I am sure everyone in our group can relate."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes we have no choice but to live without our mothers. Grief and guilt will be there through out and some days will be really hard than others. Yesterday was pathetic for me as my father said something that really hit me. I hope to see my mother…"
Sunday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love this Linda.  Thanks for posting it. "
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Sunday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I relate to you all who have posted lately.  2 years for me.  2nd year was worse than the first as reality set in and shock lessened.  I am still in a trauma state of mind.  Forgetful, irritable, less patient.  I isolate…"
Saturday
Deanna N Nash added a discussion to the group surviving family members' murders
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Nothing feels real

My husband was brutly murdered 6 day ago and nothing feels real to me I'm still waiting to wake up or him to call me the pain is unbearable I don't know if I can go on anymore
Saturday
Deanna N Nash commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"6 days ago my husband and soulmate was brutly murdered and everyday gets a little harder I haven't seen him yet he's held up at the corners and I'm terrified to see him but I need to see him to convince my mind that this is real and…"
Saturday
Deanna N Nash joined Susie H's group
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Robin, thank you.  Bluebird was the honesty that i discovered on this site that made it possible for me to express what I go through.  Several others who write let me know too.  I tend to reach out here, particularly when I am…"
Saturday
Robin commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan - I lost my husband John, 9 years ago, when he was 46.  I come to this website every now & then, but have only commented a few times.  I relate most to you and Bluebird.  I can't believe it's been 9 years, and…"
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I really don't know what to say to all the newer people who come here looking for help and comfort because I have struggled for years. I did find an article written by a psychotherapist just the other day that made some sense to me about the…"
Saturday
Sharon batten posted a discussion

Missing my true love

My partner died 14 weeks ago and I am struggling big time without her, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left,
Friday
Sharon batten left a comment for Sharon batten
"I hate my life without her now I miss her so much, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left"
Friday
Profile IconSharon batten, Eileen A. Palazza, Deanna N Nash and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Kathleen Jordan posted photos
Friday
Kathleen Jordan commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"Even though dream moon can't do grammar, I agree. It doesn't stop...it will hit at moments out of the clear blue....4 years, 9 years or 20.  It is a loss, and it's real."
Friday

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