I am a 47-year-old marketing professional, divorced and without kids. Usually not bitter but a series of losses have taken a toll on me. I feel alone in the Universe and like God is a bit of a bully. :(
About my Loss:
I lost my job in June, my brother in July and my best friend moved out of state in August. I think they call it compounded grief? And the truth is, I have never fully grieved the loss of my mom 5 years ago and my youngest brother who passed when I was 16 and he was 10.
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I agree with what Brenda said before about talking about your grief. I do want to say first that you have my sincere sympathy. I also want to say how much I appreciate the honesty with which you expressed yourself. As I'm sure that was not an easy thing to do. No one really wants to admit how desperate they are. While our situations are not the same, I understand the desperation. I'm unmarried, no kids, my mother who was my closest companion and biggest source of moral support died this past May. That was the biggest blow because I feel as though the rug was pulled from underneath me and my world had been turned upside down. I feel as though a knife was stabbed through my heart but it was not fatal and I have to live with this horrendous stab wound. I don't know how I survived this far except that God has sustained me. But for what, I ask? To endure misery for the rest of my days?
I have felt like you felt in my anger that God is a bully. I know in my heart that I had the wrong impression about God and he is not a bully. He is sovereign and I don't always agree with or understand his ways. I also know he can handle all of emotions including anger. I also don't want to be separated from Him so I'm sure he'll use this for his purposes.
I just wanted you to know that I understand the loneliness. I hope and pray that you will find employment soon. I have felt very insecure about my own work circumstances. I work, but am not happy in my job. You asked for help in one of your posts and as Brenda offered, I am also available to speak with if you should you wish to talk.
I wish I was meeting you to face today so
I could give you a (((((HUG))))) but we will have to settle for a cyber one for now.
You asked a question that I really want to give you an answer I have benefited from. You asked, "how do you keep moving through grief?" I have found that talking is a first step:
Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
So talking about your feelings to “a true companion” who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) Putting experiences and feelings into words often makes it easier to understand them and to deal with them. And if the listener is another bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his or her own loss, you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope. When her child died, one mother explained why it helped to talk to another woman who had faced a similar loss: “To know that somebody else had gone through the same thing, had come out whole from it, and that she was still surviving and finding some sort of order in her life again was very strengthening to me.”
I hope you will see my friend request and accept my friendship. Then I can give you my phone number over private message so you can call me if you like and we can talk.
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