Miriam Holmes
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  • Marthasville, MO
  • United States
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Miriam Holmes commented on Chris's blog post The Numbness Continues.
"Chris, I am so very sorry for your loss.  Losing a mother is so excruciatingly painful.  No one but a mother cares about every little detail of your life.  You can count on your mother to love you through the good times and the…"
Feb 8
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

A Poem for Us

I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer.  They died a week apart.  It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now.  I hope it can be helpful for some of you.Children of the LightWe are children of the light,Burning crystals,Each fracturing the lightInto his own incandescent dance of joy.Blinded by our sensesWe do not see the light that binds us.Flames in the windWe flicker to forces we do not know or…See More
Feb 8
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Josie
"Josie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a dear friend whose husband was an alcoholic, so I have some idea how difficult that is. And now, with his death, your hopes for a better future are gone.  How very, very sad for you.  I hope…"
Feb 4
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

Memorial Services

The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people.  But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service.  As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious.  It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me.  My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no wake,…See More
Feb 4
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Billy Jo Colt
"Thank you so much for your very kind words.  I hope that you find here the help that you need.  It is helping me just to write things out.  And receiving generous comments like your is a wonderful bonus."
Jan 31
Miriam Holmes commented on Lauren A Fernandez's blog post I'm trying to not blame my dad for my mom's death
"Lauren, I have not gone through anything that begins to be similar to the nightmare that you are describing.  Anger at your father is completely appropriate, even necessary.  But I suspect that beneath the anger at your father there is…"
Jan 30
Billy Jo Colt left a comment for Miriam Holmes
"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
Jan 25
M Adams commented on Miriam Holmes's blog post Healing Repetition
"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well.  What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
Jan 24
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
Jan 24
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain.  A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out.  I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
Jan 22
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Hi, I'm brand new, too.  I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to.  Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us.  Whatever your loss, I…"
Jan 22
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I knew…See More
Jan 22
Miriam Holmes is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 19

Profile Information

About Me:
I have been married for 51 years. My husband has Parkinson's, limited to his right arm and jaw at this time. We live in the woods, literally. I love the wild and have hiked and backpacked my entire adult life. Photographing wildflowers is a great pleasure. I have been a teacher and a caseworker for the state, but did not work while my children were growing up. My addiction is reading. My tastes are eclectic. History, biographies, and mysteries are favorites, but I read all sorts of things. I have two children, a daughter and a son, one grandson, and a very loving extended family close to me. But I am very introverted and private, my closest friend has serious health problems and is only occasionally available. So I do feel isolated when I need to talk about certain things.
About my Loss:
I lost my uncle in July. He was 86 years old, and we knew he had stage 4 prostate cancer. But he seemed to be doing well. I am certain now that he was lying to me about his health. We were very close. I was the daughter he never had. He tried to provide some of the masculine support that I did not get from my father. Though he lived in Atlanta we saw him twice a year and I spoke to him by phone regularly, every day for the last two years.
Then at the end of October I lost a cousin that was very dear to me. This is the loss that is hard for people to understand, and the one that has hit me very, very hard. He was born in our bathroom when I was 8 years old. I thought it was wonderful and from then on felt a special bond. He was mentally challenged and went into care in his teens. We lived in Missouri and his family lived in Iowa. But we went there almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas so I saw him regularly. Even when he went into care, Mother took us to visit him. When he was in his early twenties, my grandfather asked me to take over as the family contact for him. He had 3 brothers, but they had nothing to do with him. So I was his advocate with his caregivers and his only family for 40 years with the exception of one brother who started taking him to lunch 2 or 3 times a year for about 8 years before he died. He was my responsibility. It wasn't easy doing it long distance; but after thorough research I concluded that his daily life would be much better in Iowa.There were good times and bad times. There were problems. There were phone calls, cards, birthday presents. We visited him. He visited us. For more than 20 years he has spent a week with us at Christmas. There were times I failed him. But he did grow and mature and these last years he was more outgoing, more independent, more easy to love. And he gave love readily. He loved me very much, as I loved him. I finally did realize that I have lost a dear child, oversize, but a child, about 8 years old.
I'm still crying a lot.

Miriam Holmes's Blog

A Poem for Us

I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer.  They died a week apart.  It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now.  I hope it can be helpful for some of you.

Children of the Light

We are children of the light,

Burning crystals,

Each fracturing the light

Into his own incandescent dance of joy.

Blinded by our senses

We do not see the light that binds us.

Flames…

Continue

Posted on February 8, 2020 at 5:28pm

Memorial Services

The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people.  But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service.  As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious.  It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me.  My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no…

Continue

Posted on February 4, 2020 at 9:12pm

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. 

It took a long time to develop my…

Continue

Posted on January 24, 2020 at 4:25pm — 1 Comment

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I…

Continue

Posted on January 22, 2020 at 7:14pm

Comment Wall (1 comment)

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At 3:29am on January 25, 2020, Billy Jo Colt said…

Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather than myself. I wonder if you have thought about starting a group on facebook where genuine friendships could be made with people like your uncle? Not to replace him but to help you with grieving. That is a process only you can deal with and friends on this site will definitly help you along that road. I wish you loads of success and that you take care of yourself on this difficult journey. huggs, John

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
37 minutes ago
Martee posted a status
"I don’t want this..."
1 hour ago
Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
1 hour ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
4 hours ago
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
4 hours ago
Profile IconMartee, Jerry Jenkins, Ann and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
5 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
8 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm having a lot of trouble getting Krissy to eat. She has diabetes and she has a very limited diet as it is. She can only eat prescription dog food. I switched to the wet version and she was eating up, and now it's the same as before. My…"
14 hours ago
Katherine A Pericas Geersten replied to Katherine A Pericas Geersten's discussion Hello, a little bit about me.
"Thank you Mrs. Crawford, it means a lot to be hearing from someone else who understands. "
16 hours ago
Kimberly joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett yes as horrible as it is for us both our dogs have aged almost 5 years since our moms died I’m having a really hard time with it I’m thinking that I might need counseling my boy is going to be 13 he still gets around but I know…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, so much of what you said is so familiar with me. I haven't been able to take a nap since my mom died four years ago. Once, while my mom was still alive and on Hospice, I laid down for a second. I fell asleep and I was having a sweet…"
yesterday
Kimberly posted photos
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda. I know exactly how you feel.  This is how time changed things for me, as time went the thoughts seem to have become more acceptable but missing her still remains. And I cry.  Probably to much   "
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda.   I am terribly anxious every day.  I try to have faith in God to get me through whatever I am dealing with.  I have a dog who is goi g to be 13 in April and all I do is worry about him. My last dog I had my mom to lean on and…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on M Adams's blog post A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)
"I really relate to certain parts of this Stoicism commentary, especially the last quotation and the final four paragraphs that come after it.  Today I am struggling to write a letter of condolence to a longtime family friend who recently lost…"
yesterday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Support is always here when you need it. Hugs to all."
yesterday
Ammy commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thank you Josephine.  I agree that we need to be able to laugh, but it usually takes time for that to start.  I honestly feel good when I can laugh at something or with someone.  It's like a medicine, but it took time for me to…"
yesterday
Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Teresa, Ammy and Sue, I understand and share your pain. Yes, I too feel like a different version of myself and going forward has been a struggle. Ladies, they would have wanted us to be happy. I sometimes feel guilty when I find myself laughing.…"
yesterday

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