Kerri Fell
  • Female
  • Wheatland, PA
  • United States
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Brenda Ann left a comment for Kerri Fell
"Hope you feel comforted by this: Dealing With Guilt As noted previously, some have feelings of guilt after losing a loved one in death. This may help to explain the acute grief of the faithful man Jacob when he was led to believe that his son Joseph…"
Jun 9

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About Me:
I am 25. A full time worker, full time student, and 2 years into my new marriage. I love life but am struggling with all that has happened in my life.
About my Loss:
I will never forget at 7:39 pm on April 6th, 2015. I was sitting in my nursing class and she told us that we could stretch out legs and I felt my cell phone in my pants pocket vibrating continuously. I had missed calls and messages from my husband, my mother (who is divorced from my father) and my father to call asap. I called my father and he informed me that my beautiful step sister Cassie had hung herself......... I instantly dropped to my knees. It felt like I had been kicked by a horse to my chest. She had been struggling for a year with drugs and in her suicide letter she stated "her demons won". For the past 6 or so years me and her mother did not get along, so I had separated myself from that side of the family and in return I lost the close relationship with Cassie that I once had. It was to the point that she did not come to the wedding. I think of her everyday, and how I wish I was not so stubborn and would have been there more. Maybe if I was there she would have had a big sister to shadow and I could have protected her from this life that she had. I did not get to say good bye.

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At 10:28am on June 9, 2019, Brenda Ann said…

Hope you feel comforted by this:

Dealing With Guilt

As noted previously, some have feelings of guilt after losing a loved one in death. This may help to explain the acute grief of the faithful man Jacob when he was led to believe that his son Joseph had been killed by “a vicious wild beast.” Jacob himself had sent Joseph out to check on the welfare of his brothers. So Jacob was likely plagued with guilt feelings, such as ‘Why did I send Joseph out alone? Why did I send him out into an area abounding with wild beasts?’​—Genesis 37:33-35.

Perhaps you feel that some neglect on your part contributed to your loved one’s death. Realizing that guilt​—real or imagined—​is a normal grief reaction can be helpful in itself. Here again, do not necessarily keep such feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a much needed release.

Realize, though, that no matter how much we love another person, we cannot control his or her life, nor can we prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence” from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Besides, no doubt your motives were not bad. For example, in not making a doctor’s appointment sooner, did you intend for your loved one to get sick and die? Of course not! Then are you really guilty of causing that one’s death? No.

One mother learned to deal with the guilt after her daughter died in a car accident. She explains: “I felt guilty that I had sent her out. But I came to realize that it was ridiculous to feel that way. There was nothing wrong with sending her with her father to run an errand. It was just a terrible accident.”

‘But there are so many things I wish I had said or done,’ you may say. True, but who of us can say that we have been the perfect father, mother, or child? The Bible reminds us: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man.” (James 3:2; Romans 5:12) So accept the fact that you are not perfect. Dwelling upon all kinds of “if onlys” will not change anything, but it may slow down your recovery.

If you have sound reasons to believe that your guilt is real, not imagined, then consider the most important factor of all in allaying guilt​—God’s forgiveness. The Bible assures us: “If errors were what you watch, O Jah, O Jehovah, who could stand? For there is the true forgiveness with you.” (Psalm 130:3, 4) You cannot return to the past and change anything. You can, though, beg God’s forgiveness for past mistakes. Then what? Well, if God promises to wipe the slate clean, should you not also forgive yourself?​—Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9.

From the Brochure "When Someone You Love Dies"

 
 
 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
18 minutes ago
Profile IconGeorge Makhniashvili and Amatullah joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Brett Bowman replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"You and I experienced something very similar. You are not an anonymous person who lost her mother. I just wish that I knew the words that would make it all better. I don't. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. All I know is that…"
Saturday
Lynn Fisher replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you so much for your kind words.  It means a lot to me that you would take the time to bring me some peace, which you have."
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So glad you have your daughter.  I was so close to my Dad & so many wonderful memories of time I spent with him.  It has been over four months since I lost my Mom.  I try to stay busy, but still have a lot of grief…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope everybody doing good. My daughter is growing up and keeps me busy but any day I sit and feel guilty of not serving my mother, I feel like crying. She should have enjoyed so much with her grand daughter but destiny had some other…"
Friday
Linda Engberg and M Adams are now friends
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi M Adams, Thank you for your kindness. Each year on his birthday I plant a tree or bush in his memory. Yesterday I bought this plague for my garden."
Thursday
M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Linda, hope your day is uplifted by beautiful memories of celebrations you shared with Julian.  Do you have any special ritual or observance for his birthday?  Acknowledging such days is challenging for me, yet I do want to honour them.…"
Thursday
Profile IconMichele Erickson, Pamela smitherman and Shorma joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Today is Julian's birthday. I miss him so much Thanks for your post Morgan. You put into words what I have a hard time expressing."
Wednesday
morgan commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael,   Wish I had an answer to: "just how are we Widows and Widowers supposed to pick up the pieces. ? I am battling my emotions every day, the mood swings are awful.." I am not sure if I am really picking up the pieces.…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"JO, I read this each morning but it does not help. I just struggle through each day."
Jul 9
Michelle replied to Brett Bowman's discussion Are We Alone?
"I was in the exact situation. But I was the one who offered help. But everything I did was wrong to my sister. And I stopped because of that. Your post made me see her side of it. My mom died this year. My sister only cuses me out. She won't…"
Jul 9
M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael, just wondered if you would ever be interested in something like a book club?  A friend of mine who is a widow joined one recently and getting together with people to talk about what they’ve all read seems to be helping her, not…"
Jul 8
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"yep linda senetty of prey  i get or a versee i herd it a funrell im in nxt room waitin for u or god willget room reddy fro u  to day had bit of wobllcry to day but neededd to cry "
Jul 8
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael, After 7 years I still remain lost and I know I will be until my Husband and I are together once again. As in the Serenity Prayer, God can not grant me serenity to accept things I cannot change. I just try to live each day."
Jul 8
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
" I am at my wits end with loneliness.  Losing my wife in 2014 has taken away a certain confidence, and this happens to those left behind. Being married is much more than a ring, it is a friend, and companion, someone who knows you better…"
Jul 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Jul 7
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John So sorry about your Sister. I myself spent the 4th with my sweet dog Babie J. I prefer her company to humans. She does not judge me she just loves me for what I am.  I too believe that death does not do us part. We we love each other until…"
Jul 7

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