"Daddy, I can't stand it anymore... I need you...I'm thinking of going to a medium to contact you...."
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone.
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Kathy S McBee
- Female
- Canton, OH
- United States
- Blog Posts (13)
- Discussions (14)
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- Photos (15)
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- I'm in my 50's, on disability due to Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pericarditis. After 20 years as a professional, adjusting to not being able to work was a trip; now the losses, too.
- About my Loss:
- mother died from malignant brain tumor 3/2010
father died from pancreatic cancer 11/2011
husband died from lung cancer 12/2011
Kathy S McBee's Photos
Kathy S McBee's Blog
We met 5 years ago today
It was just 5 years ago, today, that we met. I was 50 years old back then. Now, it's been 9 months since I lost him. A refrain keeps running through my head: I got cheated.
I understand what stood in the way . . . at least, as much as I can. God's heard me gripe about it and, still, I recognize some of the factors that came into play and I don't blame God. In some ways, that stinks. I wish I had some 'bad guy' to point a finger at. Unfortunately, it just is what it…
ContinuePosted on September 29, 2012 at 8:19pm
Storm rolling in
I suppose this will be a quick update - I hear thunder and know a storm is coming in. It's a good thing, I suppose, with the drought we've been having.
After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'
Lately, I've… Continue
After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'
Lately, I've… Continue
Posted on July 26, 2012 at 10:00pm
Overdue Update
I thought I was finally starting to come around again. I guess I was - and I guess I am - and yet grief pops up and blindsides us from time to time, doesn't it?
A couple of Hollister's friends have been helping me with things I can't do around the house. They're challenging friends, these 'bequests' of his. Both are dirt poor and have drug histories (one probably is still using; the other, well, the jury's still out). Right now, I'm coming up on a trip to my Dad's to help with…
ContinuePosted on June 20, 2012 at 10:13pm — 2 Comments
Not Perfect
I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't.
With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have…
ContinuePosted on May 19, 2012 at 10:07pm
Groups
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Traumatic, Sudden Loss
566 members
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I miss my Mom!
389 members
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Losing Someone to Cancer
363 members
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I love my Dad.
283 members
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Missing my Son or Daug…
255 members
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Multiple Losses Group
161 members
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Lost Without My Mom
152 members
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Tattoo Memorial
127 members
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mY sOuLmAtE, mY bEsTfRiE…
115 members
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I Miss My Parent(s)
108 members
Latest Activity
Essie Jay replied to Essie Jay's discussion Everything is Changing in the group I love my Dad."Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes, I really do realize the remodeling is helping my mom. I don't say anything about how I feel because I don't want her to realize that her way of coping is making my coping harder, because that…"
"I have been super emotionaly today. A good friend of mine lost her mother 11 years ago today. She still grieves for her. At the end of June last year we found out my mom had cancer, she died 6 months later. I finding…"
B. Milt left a comment for Jodi Denton"My son was 20 years old.
9 days after his 20th birthday.
8 months with my son."
Kim Phillips commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer"Angela, I am so so sorry. I lost my best friend and soul mate a year ago and I still cry every day and I still am having trouble moving on. I think we all grieve at our own pace. It has been such a short time for you. …"
kathy bishop commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer"yesterday was my 41 wedding anniversary with my husband. I lost the love of my life 22 months ago. I took two red roses to the cemetery and said a prayer, I love Rick, more today than the day were married. We had a wonderful friendship for two…"
Marilyn Matthews commented on anne's blog post I saw God today!"This pic is from online...put on by someone named cutiezionist08..i think from glittergraphics.com...as soon as I read your account, I thought of this picture...."
Jeanne Potter commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer"Angela I am very sorry for your loss. It is not unusual to cry often after any loss of someone so close. I still cry over losing my husband and it is almost 2 1/2 years. What I think is so comforting in your story is all that you learned from your…"
"The sadness that is 24-7 has greatly affected my health, I went to greif counciling for a year and have a wonderful big sister that has been my life saver. Some days I think i'm ok but I cry every night in my sleep 2 years after Gabes death, i…"
Jeff R commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"It's tough when you lose several immediate family members at once...sometimes you wonder if it's some sort of endurance test. This happened to my cousin many years back. It took time and support from other family members for…"
anne posted a blog postI saw God today!
I have been befuddled over the passing of the 10 year old boy that was hit by a car last week. My grandchildren were in my care all last week so there wasn't much time for deep thought. Npw that I am alone now I'm having lots of thoughts about it, so I went to the farm for a little distraction, plus the grass out there really needed cutting. I brought my dog Zero with me. Zero's getting old and I want him to have a good summer. Anyway Zero and I took a trip to the farm. I buzzed around cutting…See More
Cynthia Gee commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"Mark, I apologize in advance if I'm out of line but I worry about you. I am hurting too from the very recent death of my mom and probably couldn't lend a ton of advise, but having people to talk to is important. You sound…"
jb (jo) replied to Essie Jay's discussion Everything is Changing in the group I love my Dad."im so sory abot yore loss essie wen my dad died my harf sister wont me to throw evry thng out i did not wont to u cud say im a realy bad horder i dont lik throwng thngs out
im, 1 of thes i keap out of datee bill resepts i do iv kept his diarys…"
Angela Denny commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer"My mother survived breast cancer twice in her 50's, colon cancer at the age of 70 and was diagnosed last June with pancreatic cancer. Since her prognosis wasn't good, she and my father moved to my home so I could care for her. She lived…"
Angela Denny joined Katherine Ellis's group
Losing Someone to Cancer
This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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thank you for your comment and im so sorry for your losses. i dont find it disrespectful at all its just i feel like me and my husband are in different worlds at the moment i feel like he rejects me all the time. sometimes i just feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore and when i ask him he gives me stupid responces like i wouldnt be here right. he doesnt know how to comfort me even when itell him how it just been a few rough years. and i think he believes this child i carry isnt his because he has told me it before so how can i be ok with someone who thinks so bad of me
Kathy,
Just thinking about you and I know your going through a difficult time. I have been having some very difficult days where you just feel all alone. I miss my sister in law so much. I cry I get angry and frustrated and It just simply hurts. Sorry to vent to you but I just wanted to see how you are doing?
You know, it's so true. I can't imagine any different journey then what we traveled together. We talked about it often. There is a chance I would have went my own way as most do. I said at her funeral that for all the challenges the gift we got was our unique relationship and my challenge to every parent present was to go home and see if it's possible to foster that type of relationship with their children. Who knows, we may have been the lucky ones :)
You have had such tremendous loss . I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and finding life so difficult . My mom died of small cell lung cancer. I miss her so much. If we can help one another that would be good for us. Trying to reach out to others going thru the same thing.
Gina
Hi Kathy,
Thank you for your reply. Sorry for your losses. I read your story and thank you for sharing. It will soon be 10 months of my husban's passing and I still find myself today, not accepting this new life.
hugs,
amanda
Kathy
So sorry for all your losses. You've certainly had some horrible times the past few years. I hope that as you share and become friends on this site, it will help you cope and steer you through your grief. (((huggs)))
Becca