Kathy S McBee
  • Female
  • Canton, OH
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Kathy S McBee replied to adriana gonzalez's discussion Missing my husband
"Today is my 5th anniversary of meeting my husband. He left me on December 23. I can relate to you. We didn't have a perfect relationship . . . and we still knew, beginning to end, that we loved each other. I hate being here without him. Even…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee replied to Becky H's discussion Having a stupid day
"This isn't a stupid day. A stupid day is thinking you - and those you love - will always be there. (In other words, a 'normal' day.) We don't last forever. In time, the physical symptoms will probably pass (getting a check-up by…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee replied to Grier's discussion Going through stages of grieving
"Oh, hon, I can feel you. There are many times I wish I still had my career to throw myself into. It's good that you're letting those spurts of crying come through. That's part of the process. Life won't stop and wait for you to…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

We met 5 years ago today

It was just 5 years ago, today, that we met. I was 50 years old back then. Now, it's been 9 months since I lost him. A refrain keeps running through my head: I got cheated.I understand what stood in the way . . . at least, as much as I can. God's heard me gripe about it and, still, I recognize some of the factors that came into play and I don't blame God. In some ways, that stinks. I wish I had some 'bad guy' to point a finger at. Unfortunately, it just is what it is.Since I've been here, I've…See More
Sep 29, 2012
steacy del valle left a comment for Kathy S McBee
"thank you for your comment and im so sorry for your losses. i dont find it disrespectful at all its just i feel like me and my husband are in different worlds at the moment i feel like he rejects me all the time. sometimes i just feel like he doesnt…"
Aug 6, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Storm rolling in

I suppose this will be a quick update - I hear thunder and know a storm is coming in. It's a good thing, I suppose, with the drought we've been having.After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'Lately, I've been trying to face up to…See More
Jul 26, 2012
Kathy S McBee commented on steacy del valle's blog post baby coming soon
"Oh, Steacy. So much is happening in such a short time, isn't it? I lost my mom March 2010, Dad in November 2011, and my hubby in December 2011. I know how you feel - it's overwhelming. Maybe you could take a word from me - no disrespect?…"
Jul 26, 2012
Kathy S McBee commented on Mara's blog post Starting to grieve, but not able to let go
"I keep thinking it's all in its own time. I lost my love in December and I was again dealing with tears today. I know he wants me to go on - and I am, as much as I can. Grief grabs me, at times, and I just try to deal with it. Be kind to…"
Jul 5, 2012
anna l. commented on Kathy S McBee's blog post Overdue Update
"Im sorry you lost so much in such a short time.  You did well to part with some of Hollisters stuff.  It will be a year next week since Tom passed.  I have sorted and stored alot of his things but gotten rid of very little. …"
Jun 21, 2012
David H commented on Kathy S McBee's blog post Overdue Update
"I have simliar experiences.I preserve my wifes legacy thru saving of some dresses and shoes.There are some things Ill change I figure its part of the grieving process or something like that,I get blind sided.Its awful I started writing down…"
Jun 20, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Overdue Update

I thought I was finally starting to come around again. I guess I was - and I guess I am - and yet grief pops up and blindsides us from time to time, doesn't it?A couple of Hollister's friends have been helping me with things I can't do around the house. They're challenging friends, these 'bequests' of his. Both are dirt poor and have drug histories (one probably is still using; the other, well, the jury's still out). Right now, I'm coming up on a trip to my Dad's to help with settling his…See More
Jun 20, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo

flight over lily pads

Spent some time yesterday where Hollister and I would slip away to fish - and took the camera that was his last present to me.
May 31, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo

Kenny USMC

My Uncle Kenny, who was lost at Guadalcanal in 1942 - 70 years later, has not been recovered.
May 28, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Not Perfect

I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't. With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have to be strong.See More
May 19, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo
May 16, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a status
"Just got back from hospital - went in Wednesday. Sure hit me when I realized both my emergency contacts passed on."
May 5, 2012

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm in my 50's, on disability due to Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pericarditis. After 20 years as a professional, adjusting to not being able to work was a trip; now the losses, too.
About my Loss:
mother died from malignant brain tumor 3/2010
father died from pancreatic cancer 11/2011
husband died from lung cancer 12/2011

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Kathy S McBee's Blog

We met 5 years ago today

It was just 5 years ago, today, that we met. I was 50 years old back then. Now, it's been 9 months since I lost him. A refrain keeps running through my head: I got cheated.

I understand what stood in the way . . . at least, as much as I can. God's heard me gripe about it and, still, I recognize some of the factors that came into play and I don't blame God. In some ways, that stinks. I wish I had some 'bad guy' to point a finger at. Unfortunately, it just is what it…

Continue

Posted on September 29, 2012 at 8:19pm

Storm rolling in

I suppose this will be a quick update - I hear thunder and know a storm is coming in. It's a good thing, I suppose, with the drought we've been having.



After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'



Lately, I've… Continue

Posted on July 26, 2012 at 10:00pm

Overdue Update

I thought I was finally starting to come around again. I guess I was - and I guess I am - and yet grief pops up and blindsides us from time to time, doesn't it?

A couple of Hollister's friends have been helping me with things I can't do around the house. They're challenging friends, these 'bequests' of his. Both are dirt poor and have drug histories (one probably is still using; the other, well, the jury's still out). Right now, I'm coming up on a trip to my Dad's to help with…

Continue

Posted on June 20, 2012 at 10:13pm — 2 Comments

Not Perfect

I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't. 

With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have…

Continue

Posted on May 19, 2012 at 10:07pm

Comment Wall (5 comments)

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At 7:25am on August 6, 2012, steacy del valle said…

thank you for your comment and im so sorry for your losses. i dont find it disrespectful at all its just i feel like me and my husband are in different worlds at the moment i feel like he rejects me all the time. sometimes i just feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore and when i ask him he gives me stupid responces like i wouldnt be here right. he doesnt know how to comfort me even when itell him how it just been a few rough years. and i think he believes this child i carry isnt his because he has told me it before so how can i be ok with someone who thinks so bad of me

At 12:07am on April 3, 2012, Mark said…

You know, it's so true.  I can't imagine any different journey then what we traveled together.  We talked about it often.  There is a chance I would have went my own way as most do.  I said at her funeral that for all the challenges the gift we got was our unique relationship and my challenge to every parent present was to go home and see if it's possible to foster that type of relationship with their children.  Who knows, we may have been the lucky ones :)

At 11:10am on March 13, 2012, gina cestodio said…
Hi Kathy,
You have had such tremendous loss .  I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and finding life so difficult .  My mom died  of small cell lung cancer.  I miss her so much.  If we can help one another that would be good for us.  Trying to reach out to others going thru the same thing.  
Gina
At 10:56pm on February 22, 2012, Amanda Ab said…

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for your reply. Sorry for your losses. I read your story and thank you for sharing. It will soon be 10 months of my husban's passing and I still find myself today, not accepting this new life.

hugs,

amanda

At 4:28pm on February 22, 2012, BeccA said…

Kathy

So sorry for all your losses.  You've certainly had some horrible times the past few years. I hope that as you share and become friends on this site, it will help you cope and steer you through your grief.  (((huggs)))

Becca

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative…"
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too. Bluebell"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question…"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away? Bluebell"
15 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
21 hours ago
Andrew posted a blog post

Lost a great friend.

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check facebook…See More
yesterday
Courtney posted a photo
yesterday
morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
yesterday
Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
yesterday
monty thompson added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
yesterday
Missy updated their profile
yesterday
CYBERSIS commented on Ginger's blog post No Title
"Really sorry for your loss. How awful to lose a child. I guess some people are really uncomfortable with grief and just don't know what to say.  I know exactly the loss you feel. I lost my mother in October. I saw her and talked to her…"
Sunday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That’s lovely, Linda."
Sunday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful, Linda! "
Sunday
oneindigheid updated their profile
Sunday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love it. "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Oops, forgot the picture "
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"To all on this site. This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding."
Sunday

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