Kathy S McBee
  • Female
  • Canton, OH
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Kathy S McBee replied to adriana gonzalez's discussion Missing my husband
"Today is my 5th anniversary of meeting my husband. He left me on December 23. I can relate to you. We didn't have a perfect relationship . . . and we still knew, beginning to end, that we loved each other. I hate being here without him. Even…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee replied to Becky H's discussion Having a stupid day
"This isn't a stupid day. A stupid day is thinking you - and those you love - will always be there. (In other words, a 'normal' day.) We don't last forever. In time, the physical symptoms will probably pass (getting a check-up by…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee replied to Grier's discussion Going through stages of grieving
"Oh, hon, I can feel you. There are many times I wish I still had my career to throw myself into. It's good that you're letting those spurts of crying come through. That's part of the process. Life won't stop and wait for you to…"
Sep 29, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

We met 5 years ago today

It was just 5 years ago, today, that we met. I was 50 years old back then. Now, it's been 9 months since I lost him. A refrain keeps running through my head: I got cheated.I understand what stood in the way . . . at least, as much as I can. God's heard me gripe about it and, still, I recognize some of the factors that came into play and I don't blame God. In some ways, that stinks. I wish I had some 'bad guy' to point a finger at. Unfortunately, it just is what it is.Since I've been here, I've…See More
Sep 29, 2012
steacy del valle left a comment for Kathy S McBee
"thank you for your comment and im so sorry for your losses. i dont find it disrespectful at all its just i feel like me and my husband are in different worlds at the moment i feel like he rejects me all the time. sometimes i just feel like he doesnt…"
Aug 6, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Storm rolling in

I suppose this will be a quick update - I hear thunder and know a storm is coming in. It's a good thing, I suppose, with the drought we've been having.After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'Lately, I've been trying to face up to…See More
Jul 26, 2012
Kathy S McBee commented on steacy del valle's blog post baby coming soon
"Oh, Steacy. So much is happening in such a short time, isn't it? I lost my mom March 2010, Dad in November 2011, and my hubby in December 2011. I know how you feel - it's overwhelming. Maybe you could take a word from me - no disrespect?…"
Jul 26, 2012
Kathy S McBee commented on Mara's blog post Starting to grieve, but not able to let go
"I keep thinking it's all in its own time. I lost my love in December and I was again dealing with tears today. I know he wants me to go on - and I am, as much as I can. Grief grabs me, at times, and I just try to deal with it. Be kind to…"
Jul 5, 2012
anna l. commented on Kathy S McBee's blog post Overdue Update
"Im sorry you lost so much in such a short time.  You did well to part with some of Hollisters stuff.  It will be a year next week since Tom passed.  I have sorted and stored alot of his things but gotten rid of very little. …"
Jun 21, 2012
David H commented on Kathy S McBee's blog post Overdue Update
"I have simliar experiences.I preserve my wifes legacy thru saving of some dresses and shoes.There are some things Ill change I figure its part of the grieving process or something like that,I get blind sided.Its awful I started writing down…"
Jun 20, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Overdue Update

I thought I was finally starting to come around again. I guess I was - and I guess I am - and yet grief pops up and blindsides us from time to time, doesn't it?A couple of Hollister's friends have been helping me with things I can't do around the house. They're challenging friends, these 'bequests' of his. Both are dirt poor and have drug histories (one probably is still using; the other, well, the jury's still out). Right now, I'm coming up on a trip to my Dad's to help with settling his…See More
Jun 20, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo

flight over lily pads

Spent some time yesterday where Hollister and I would slip away to fish - and took the camera that was his last present to me.
May 31, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo

Kenny USMC

My Uncle Kenny, who was lost at Guadalcanal in 1942 - 70 years later, has not been recovered.
May 28, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a blog post

Not Perfect

I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't. With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have to be strong.See More
May 19, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a photo
May 16, 2012
Kathy S McBee posted a status
"Just got back from hospital - went in Wednesday. Sure hit me when I realized both my emergency contacts passed on."
May 5, 2012

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm in my 50's, on disability due to Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pericarditis. After 20 years as a professional, adjusting to not being able to work was a trip; now the losses, too.
About my Loss:
mother died from malignant brain tumor 3/2010
father died from pancreatic cancer 11/2011
husband died from lung cancer 12/2011

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Kathy S McBee's Blog

We met 5 years ago today

It was just 5 years ago, today, that we met. I was 50 years old back then. Now, it's been 9 months since I lost him. A refrain keeps running through my head: I got cheated.

I understand what stood in the way . . . at least, as much as I can. God's heard me gripe about it and, still, I recognize some of the factors that came into play and I don't blame God. In some ways, that stinks. I wish I had some 'bad guy' to point a finger at. Unfortunately, it just is what it…

Continue

Posted on September 29, 2012 at 8:19pm

Storm rolling in

I suppose this will be a quick update - I hear thunder and know a storm is coming in. It's a good thing, I suppose, with the drought we've been having.



After seven months, I still find this grief too hard. Last night, I awoke to a nightmare about Hollister and his past. Whatever that was, it stood between us for many years when we could have been together and I'm angry and sad about that. Four years (and a little change) isn't much to spend with 'the one.'



Lately, I've… Continue

Posted on July 26, 2012 at 10:00pm

Overdue Update

I thought I was finally starting to come around again. I guess I was - and I guess I am - and yet grief pops up and blindsides us from time to time, doesn't it?

A couple of Hollister's friends have been helping me with things I can't do around the house. They're challenging friends, these 'bequests' of his. Both are dirt poor and have drug histories (one probably is still using; the other, well, the jury's still out). Right now, I'm coming up on a trip to my Dad's to help with…

Continue

Posted on June 20, 2012 at 10:13pm — 2 Comments

Not Perfect

I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't. 

With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have…

Continue

Posted on May 19, 2012 at 10:07pm

Comment Wall (5 comments)

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At 7:25am on August 6, 2012, steacy del valle said…

thank you for your comment and im so sorry for your losses. i dont find it disrespectful at all its just i feel like me and my husband are in different worlds at the moment i feel like he rejects me all the time. sometimes i just feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore and when i ask him he gives me stupid responces like i wouldnt be here right. he doesnt know how to comfort me even when itell him how it just been a few rough years. and i think he believes this child i carry isnt his because he has told me it before so how can i be ok with someone who thinks so bad of me

At 12:07am on April 3, 2012, Mark said…

You know, it's so true.  I can't imagine any different journey then what we traveled together.  We talked about it often.  There is a chance I would have went my own way as most do.  I said at her funeral that for all the challenges the gift we got was our unique relationship and my challenge to every parent present was to go home and see if it's possible to foster that type of relationship with their children.  Who knows, we may have been the lucky ones :)

At 11:10am on March 13, 2012, gina cestodio said…
Hi Kathy,
You have had such tremendous loss .  I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and finding life so difficult .  My mom died  of small cell lung cancer.  I miss her so much.  If we can help one another that would be good for us.  Trying to reach out to others going thru the same thing.  
Gina
At 10:56pm on February 22, 2012, Amanda Ab said…

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for your reply. Sorry for your losses. I read your story and thank you for sharing. It will soon be 10 months of my husban's passing and I still find myself today, not accepting this new life.

hugs,

amanda

At 4:28pm on February 22, 2012, BeccA said…

Kathy

So sorry for all your losses.  You've certainly had some horrible times the past few years. I hope that as you share and become friends on this site, it will help you cope and steer you through your grief.  (((huggs)))

Becca

 
 
 

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Shoresh joined Brenda Ann's group
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Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?

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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Susan updated their profile
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Denise posted a blog post

Neutral

Yesterday, I had to pick up copies of George's death certificates and it totally devastated me. It did not bother me when I received the copies, I pretended that it did not bother me because I put the copies face down in the back of the car and did not look at them until later that night. I have not read the whole certificate but after I skimmed it looking at the cause of death I fell apart but I forced myself to hold it together until I started sobbing while watching TV with our daughter. I…See More
yesterday

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