Jason
  • Male
  • Newburgh, NY
  • United States
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What do you do for fun? Or a hobby?
5 Replies

My wife died 4 weeks ago.And while I am not there yet and may not be for some time, or ever, I am curious to know if anyone has found enjoyment in their lives again.Or at least a pleasant way to pass…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Felicia Mar 28, 2016.

I want to punch people who say "I wish I knew her better."
2 Replies

If you gave a crap you would have known her better.You had the opportunity. You just didn't think she was worth your time. Go f**k yourselves.She was my everything and she was worth all of my time.Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Mar 26, 2016.

My wife's Memorial Mass was yesterday
2 Replies

It was nice to see so many people turn out. People we hadn't seen in 20 years. People we had written off. And our friends who we didn't realize were such good friends. It was a stressful day and a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by bluebird Mar 14, 2016.

Today is my wife's Memorial Mass
3 Replies

I want to speak. To get up there and tell everybody how perfect she was.To share the story of our lives.But not only does this church her mother chose frown on eulogies, I don't know if I can hold it…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Sam Mar 12, 2016.

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Jason's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
44 y.o. widower
Father of twins
About my Loss:
Wife and lover of 26 years, 1 month, from our first dance together to her last.
We were high school sweethearts.
I've never been without her by my side.

Jason's Blog

More tired, more grief

It seems like I have not been sleeping well. I am physically exhausted but cannot fall asleep. The nights and the mornings are the worst.
Throughout the day now I breakdown more often in tears but I do recover faster.
I am sad and angry all of the time.
I wish she hadn't died.

Posted on March 23, 2016 at 7:23am — 1 Comment

The sad and the guilt

The sad and the guilt are hitting me hard last night and today.
I am so sad she is not alive.
I feel guilty that I could not save her.
She was my wife. She was my responsibility.
I should have taken better care of her.

Posted on March 20, 2016 at 7:47am

Listening to music

Hadn't been able to listen to music until tonight.
It didn't destroy me the way I thought it would.
The memories come flooding back but I didn't break down like I thought I would.
Am I in shock?
Am I numb?
Is something wrong with me?
Or is this part of the grief.
My heart feels like it has a chunk missing now. But it no longer feels like there is a knife sticking out of it.

Posted on March 18, 2016 at 12:50am — 2 Comments

Day 20

Well, it happened. After only 20 days both kids are sick. Great. They weren't letting me get any sleep before. Now I'm up half the night with sick kids.

I don't know if I have the stamina. I am so tired.

I am having problems accepting what has happened. I imagine the kids are too.

What a living nightmare.

Posted on March 17, 2016 at 1:26am

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At 7:47pm on February 28, 2017, Jason said…
I am still kickin'!
Kids happy and healthy.
1 year has passed since my wife died.
Just this week, I realized I may have accepted it. It happened. I cannot fix it. I have to live. For me. For my kids. I may even be happy one day.
At 12:38pm on April 13, 2016, Mel Royer said…

Jason,

How are you doing? Haven't heard from you for awhile. How about posting an update for everyone.      Mel

 
 
 

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Drewtoo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I hold back from seeking death, as well...I still need to set an example for some people in my life. I also feel that maybe taking your own life might somehow then inhibit being able to connect with him, like maybe be in a different…"
Nov 17
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"My condolences to you as well. I remember that I have tried to reach out to him in lucid dreams, but I always woke before I succeeded. I wish you the best of luck should you try."
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