Cheyenne Steffen
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  • Maxey
  • morgan

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Maxey and Cheyenne Steffen are now friends
Dec 13, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I respect everyone's right to believe what they choose. I am a person of science and that won't change. I have studied religion intensely and have studied science and evolution. My choice is science. I wonder if any of you have gone to…"
Oct 25, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm surprised to see so many on here who feel the same way I do. I want to die rather than continue without my husband. He died on Oct. 6th 2017. I know my grief is raw and it's early in the process... but I still feel that way. I'm…"
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen left a comment for morgan
"Thank you for writing Morgan. I appreciate it so much that you reached out. I have an appointment with a grief counsellor on Monday. I'm looking forward to that and hoping the Dr. Can help. It's very difficult for me not to look ahead too…"
Oct 18, 2017
Maxey left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"Hi, Cheyenne, I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize…"
Oct 18, 2017
morgan left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over…"
Oct 17, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 17, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm 48. Atheist and animal lover. I used to be a lot more things. Things that were happy and safe but I am that no longer.
About my Loss:
My husband died Oct. 6, 2017. A week ago. He was my whole heart. He was only 39 years old. He was my home and my safe place. My best friend.

I feel like I'm dying. I want to. I want to fade away and not live another day without him. I would have done it myself but my family intervened. They made me see how much I would hurt my Dad if I died. That is keeping me holding on... Just barely.

My whole life changed in 1 second. We lived in a city where I don't have any family or close friends. I couldn't stay in my house alone so now I'm moved to another city and live in my Dad's basement. 2 weeks ago I had a home and husband. Now I live in a basement. I appreciate how my dad is going out of his way for me but the loss of both husband and home is overwhelming. I am shattered.

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 12:32am on October 18, 2017, Maxey said…
Hi, Cheyenne,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize it is real, and you then have to start distracting yourself or you will sink into a depression, so please try to do one thing each day that gets you out of the house. I seem to only have peace when I engage in activities that take my mind off the loneliness and sadness of losing the most wonderful person in my life for over 55 years.
You may say, "wow, you have your love for that long, so why are you complaining?". Well, after that many years, the person has really become your other half. So when they leave, you are left half a person.
As far as being an Athiest, I respect your belief, but, I have found that believing in God has definitely helped me through some very dark hours. I wish you could find that peace and help in some way.
I hope your days get more bearable, and you continue to come to this site for solace and comfort.
At 9:44pm on October 17, 2017, morgan said…

I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over and over my own struggles.  

Cheyenne, I am sorry that you have had to find us but for many of us this site is a lifeline.  It allows you to grieve and to know that many others are feeling the same kinds of feelings you are.  You are in such an early stage of the grief and I can only say to take things an hour at a time.  Sometimes only a minute.  Don't look too far ahead.  Try to take baby steps.  Washing your hair, having something to eat, crying, but try to stand up often.  Try to get out of bed.  I cant tell you how to do things but try to do things.  

It will seem impossible and yes you will want to do otherwise.  But all of us have felt and still feel many of the same feelings and I guess what I am saying is you are not alone even if it feels that way.  Millions of us are suffering right alongside you.  We have no answers but we look to each other for the support to know we are not crazy for feeling the way we do.  

I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and you are living in a totally different universe but I do know what you re going through and I just wanted you to know someone is listening........

morgan

 
 
 

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Aimee Hall Fuszard joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
2 hours ago
Aimee Hall Fuszard updated their profile photo
3 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.   My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to…"
4 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"joe that is incredible. thanks for the time and energy sharing. i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me. for me this week has been hard. 1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to…"
5 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Read second post first Morgan. Had to break it up into two parts and did it backwards."
7 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""As the years are passing I feel the need more and more." When I read some of you guys suffering so long, it gives me great fear that despite my health neglect, and legal preparations, I don't know when it will actually come to…"
7 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, "I read your words and it brings me to my knees."  I keep asking God to let me go many times a day.  I tell Him/Her/It that I will never relent until my prayer is answered.  I ask my love to keep asking too and have…"
7 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together.  Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love…"
11 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we…"
12 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, you are grieving for your mother. You may not be able to see it but I can. My father was horrible. I did not grieve his death. I barely gave it a second thought. You are grieving your mom, and you are grieving the way things were. The advice…"
12 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, Your Julian looks like such a nice man in that photo; what a lovely smile! Joe, Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you are right."
15 hours ago
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
15 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Bluebird, It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die.  Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that…"
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people…"
18 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry, I meant Linda and Monty and Joe."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M Adams , I hope this feeling of desolation lessens in time. It is an extremely hard process. Unbearable at times. I hope you are doing well."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Daylight India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want.  Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. "
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agreed, Daylight.  I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state.  But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months…"
yesterday

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