Cheyenne Steffen
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  • Maxey
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

Maxey and Cheyenne Steffen are now friends
Dec 13, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I respect everyone's right to believe what they choose. I am a person of science and that won't change. I have studied religion intensely and have studied science and evolution. My choice is science. I wonder if any of you have gone to…"
Oct 25, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm surprised to see so many on here who feel the same way I do. I want to die rather than continue without my husband. He died on Oct. 6th 2017. I know my grief is raw and it's early in the process... but I still feel that way. I'm…"
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen left a comment for morgan
"Thank you for writing Morgan. I appreciate it so much that you reached out. I have an appointment with a grief counsellor on Monday. I'm looking forward to that and hoping the Dr. Can help. It's very difficult for me not to look ahead too…"
Oct 18, 2017
Maxey left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"Hi, Cheyenne, I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize…"
Oct 18, 2017
morgan left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over…"
Oct 17, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 17, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm 48. Atheist and animal lover. I used to be a lot more things. Things that were happy and safe but I am that no longer.
About my Loss:
My husband died Oct. 6, 2017. A week ago. He was my whole heart. He was only 39 years old. He was my home and my safe place. My best friend.

I feel like I'm dying. I want to. I want to fade away and not live another day without him. I would have done it myself but my family intervened. They made me see how much I would hurt my Dad if I died. That is keeping me holding on... Just barely.

My whole life changed in 1 second. We lived in a city where I don't have any family or close friends. I couldn't stay in my house alone so now I'm moved to another city and live in my Dad's basement. 2 weeks ago I had a home and husband. Now I live in a basement. I appreciate how my dad is going out of his way for me but the loss of both husband and home is overwhelming. I am shattered.

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 12:32am on October 18, 2017, Maxey said…
Hi, Cheyenne,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize it is real, and you then have to start distracting yourself or you will sink into a depression, so please try to do one thing each day that gets you out of the house. I seem to only have peace when I engage in activities that take my mind off the loneliness and sadness of losing the most wonderful person in my life for over 55 years.
You may say, "wow, you have your love for that long, so why are you complaining?". Well, after that many years, the person has really become your other half. So when they leave, you are left half a person.
As far as being an Athiest, I respect your belief, but, I have found that believing in God has definitely helped me through some very dark hours. I wish you could find that peace and help in some way.
I hope your days get more bearable, and you continue to come to this site for solace and comfort.
At 9:44pm on October 17, 2017, morgan said…

I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over and over my own struggles.  

Cheyenne, I am sorry that you have had to find us but for many of us this site is a lifeline.  It allows you to grieve and to know that many others are feeling the same kinds of feelings you are.  You are in such an early stage of the grief and I can only say to take things an hour at a time.  Sometimes only a minute.  Don't look too far ahead.  Try to take baby steps.  Washing your hair, having something to eat, crying, but try to stand up often.  Try to get out of bed.  I cant tell you how to do things but try to do things.  

It will seem impossible and yes you will want to do otherwise.  But all of us have felt and still feel many of the same feelings and I guess what I am saying is you are not alone even if it feels that way.  Millions of us are suffering right alongside you.  We have no answers but we look to each other for the support to know we are not crazy for feeling the way we do.  

I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and you are living in a totally different universe but I do know what you re going through and I just wanted you to know someone is listening........

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi!!!! Enjoy!!! Brett, I am anxious even before I get out of the bed and that starts everything my IBS, anxiety, headache, I will be honest I have taken Lexapro 5mg for a while after my mom passed, I stopped, I felt like a bloated…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett do you not work regular hours since you’re up late always?   Today when I got up I said I was afraid to be awake.  This is how messed up my mind is."
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, your mom knows exactly how much you love her. She knows now more than ever."
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I think we would all want a do-over even if we had done everything right. I did cry in front of my mom on many occasions. I can't say that I regret that. I think all of that was an affirmation of love, though I am sure that it caused…"
7 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My car is red too. It is such a happy color."
7 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Awesome car Avi Bluebell"
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Guys this is my first car, bought specifically as a wish of my deceased mother. She loved red. "
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, that is the biggest setback. We do not get a second chance. Yesterday my father told me something that is causing lot of pain, regret but I am still holding up my emotions. He told me about few gestures of me and my wife which used to hurt…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,  I cried in the oncologists office many times and in the radiologist office so I guess I’m really bad.  I am not strong like her. I should’ve thought of how she felt instead of my own fear.  I did this the whole…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Britt, I think I am more jealous when I see other people, in particular families, because I don’t have mine now.  My world is upside down and I dont belong in it now.  I don’t feel as though I deserve to be happy because I have…"
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That's just not what I pictured at all. No blue hair. No cat glasses. You probably don't even have a leopard print jumpsuit."
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Hey, I read your post.  I think I've gone through some of what you've felt.  Why do you feel as if you shouldn't live a happy life?  Have you removed yourself from some aspects of the reality of life to dull yourself of…"
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Virginia, I thought of some things, but I wanted to ask you some stuff, without making any presumptions.  Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy like what you are seeing of the people you are seeing during the day?  Do you…"
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Great photo Bluebell!"
18 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
20 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I did not fall. I do not have high blood pressure. It was just a fluke with no apparent cause at this time. I am thinking of you all and wishing you the best. It makes me dizzy to read very much, so I have to keep it simple. I love you all. I am…"
21 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I had numbness when my mother took her last breath in ICU. I did not know what to do and doctor told me that she is not in good condition and just let her go. I requested them to try their best but did not ask too many questions. This was…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry my computer is a little behind everyones posts are not showing up unless I click on them  sorry"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Praying for you Bluebell."
yesterday

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