Cheyenne Steffen
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  • Maxey
  • morgan

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Maxey and Cheyenne Steffen are now friends
Dec 13, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I respect everyone's right to believe what they choose. I am a person of science and that won't change. I have studied religion intensely and have studied science and evolution. My choice is science. I wonder if any of you have gone to…"
Oct 25, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm surprised to see so many on here who feel the same way I do. I want to die rather than continue without my husband. He died on Oct. 6th 2017. I know my grief is raw and it's early in the process... but I still feel that way. I'm…"
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Oct 24, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen left a comment for morgan
"Thank you for writing Morgan. I appreciate it so much that you reached out. I have an appointment with a grief counsellor on Monday. I'm looking forward to that and hoping the Dr. Can help. It's very difficult for me not to look ahead too…"
Oct 18, 2017
Maxey left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"Hi, Cheyenne, I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize…"
Oct 18, 2017
morgan left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over…"
Oct 17, 2017
Cheyenne Steffen is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 17, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm 48. Atheist and animal lover. I used to be a lot more things. Things that were happy and safe but I am that no longer.
About my Loss:
My husband died Oct. 6, 2017. A week ago. He was my whole heart. He was only 39 years old. He was my home and my safe place. My best friend.

I feel like I'm dying. I want to. I want to fade away and not live another day without him. I would have done it myself but my family intervened. They made me see how much I would hurt my Dad if I died. That is keeping me holding on... Just barely.

My whole life changed in 1 second. We lived in a city where I don't have any family or close friends. I couldn't stay in my house alone so now I'm moved to another city and live in my Dad's basement. 2 weeks ago I had a home and husband. Now I live in a basement. I appreciate how my dad is going out of his way for me but the loss of both husband and home is overwhelming. I am shattered.

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 12:32am on October 18, 2017, Maxey said…
Hi, Cheyenne,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize it is real, and you then have to start distracting yourself or you will sink into a depression, so please try to do one thing each day that gets you out of the house. I seem to only have peace when I engage in activities that take my mind off the loneliness and sadness of losing the most wonderful person in my life for over 55 years.
You may say, "wow, you have your love for that long, so why are you complaining?". Well, after that many years, the person has really become your other half. So when they leave, you are left half a person.
As far as being an Athiest, I respect your belief, but, I have found that believing in God has definitely helped me through some very dark hours. I wish you could find that peace and help in some way.
I hope your days get more bearable, and you continue to come to this site for solace and comfort.
At 9:44pm on October 17, 2017, morgan said…

I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over and over my own struggles.  

Cheyenne, I am sorry that you have had to find us but for many of us this site is a lifeline.  It allows you to grieve and to know that many others are feeling the same kinds of feelings you are.  You are in such an early stage of the grief and I can only say to take things an hour at a time.  Sometimes only a minute.  Don't look too far ahead.  Try to take baby steps.  Washing your hair, having something to eat, crying, but try to stand up often.  Try to get out of bed.  I cant tell you how to do things but try to do things.  

It will seem impossible and yes you will want to do otherwise.  But all of us have felt and still feel many of the same feelings and I guess what I am saying is you are not alone even if it feels that way.  Millions of us are suffering right alongside you.  We have no answers but we look to each other for the support to know we are not crazy for feeling the way we do.  

I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and you are living in a totally different universe but I do know what you re going through and I just wanted you to know someone is listening........

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Joann replied to Donna's discussion It really was my fault **CONTAINS TRIGGER**
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Betty Ellsworth commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Marjorie Willcox posted a blog post

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8 hours ago
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9 hours ago
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
10 hours ago
TimB joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

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12 hours ago
TimB joined Amy's group
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You're too young to be a widow

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12 hours ago
TimB left a comment for JenShep
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12 hours ago
TimB updated their profile
13 hours ago
Karen commented on Raven Richardson's blog post Heartbroken
"It’s been 6 months for me but it’s still fresh every morning. I miss him so and think about all our hopes and plans just died with him. "
13 hours ago
Karen updated their profile
yesterday
Karen posted a blog post

Learning to live without my best friend

A little over 6 months ago I lost my husband of 43 years.  We were only 19 & 20 when we got married so we essentially grew up together.  He has been my best friend, my confidante, my love.  About 5 years ago he developed COPD so we knew our time together might be limited, however many people live several years with COPD by keeping it under control.  Unfortunately, last May, he developed a lung infection and was very sick, in the hospital for the first time in his 63 years.  But once under…See More
yesterday
Profile IconKim Crago, Elaine Ellison, Jaclyn Fawley and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Gilda commented on Jarvis's group I love my Dad.
"I know how you feel. Seeing my dad in dreams is a great comfort to me, too."
yesterday
Jo l posted a blog post

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depression is horrible I can't seem to get out of it I miss my bf. He didn't have a easy life he was 52 when he passed and he was getting his life together and things were going ok for him and us and now he's gone and all his dreams and what he wanted to do and us to do is gone it seems so unfair to him and us I just don't understand why this had to happen See More
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JO B commented on Jarvis's group I love my Dad.
"missin dad lk crazzzy i am  grt wen i sea him in dreams "
yesterday
Jennifer joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
yesterday
Jennifer updated their profile
yesterday

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