Comment

Comment by michael sandoval on June 15, 2011 at 10:50pm

I miss Denise. Because of her cancer we were unable to get married. We had planned strip to India for a vacation. She was sick before we left and when we got there she was still a little sick. Because she wasn't feeling well we postponed our India wedding. She was great though. We saw the Taj Mahal and swam in the Ganges. We had a great time and we had our own little " I do" ceremony in India. We came back and got bad news. She had immediate surgery which didn't go well and she passed 4 months later. I haven't been the same since. Denise passed on sept 23 2009. I love you baby.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 15, 2011 at 9:55pm

i know how you feel Grace, I have come to a different stage in grief, there will be times where it hits me, but when she first died was the worst, tears all the time, couldnt sleep, just a mess....it got better, but its still hard to think of her....hopefully time will make it better, but my feelings are, I doubt it

Comment by michael sandoval on June 15, 2011 at 1:41am

It's not fair

Comment by Dylan Ishmael on June 15, 2011 at 1:34am

It is just hard to accept.  Loss is loss.  Today we had Gran's funeral.  It was beautiful.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 14, 2011 at 2:04am

I'm sorry you are sad and lonely michael, and i understand what thats like, you do have us if you need to talk....i hope you find peace and some joy again....I'm getting there,in bits and pieces....I'm so sorry for your losses Delilah....I lost my mom to cancer last year, I still cant believe it, she was 79, but still, she was healthy....just so hard to acccept....

Comment by Dylan Ishmael on June 13, 2011 at 11:45pm

I lost my mom on January 23 to a sudden heart attack.  She was only 48.  And last Thursday I lost my grandma to cancer.  She was 75.  Two opposite deaths.  You can read more at my blog: http://spiritspout.blogspot.com/

Comment by michael sandoval on June 13, 2011 at 10:58pm

I cried numerous times a day, everyday for almost a year and a half. Now I'm on meds which help with the crying, but not sadness and lonliness.

Comment by roxydee on June 13, 2011 at 4:31pm

This morning I woke up on my husband's side of the bed.  I don't do that often, but my mom slept over and she was on my side. Now a little about the california king sized bed - i stopped sleeping at the head of it months ago. i found i couldn't sleep in the same direction he and i shared.  so i sleep in a completely different direction.  So back to waking up. Its almost a month out from my wedding anniversary and when i woke up on his side, it was like Hello Grief, you been gone for about a week now , welcome back Depression, thank God you aren't the crippling kind. Today I'm crying the Demi Moore in Ghost kind of crying.  Not the omg, i'm running out of tissues, and i wonder how many minutes can you cry straight before you die? kind of crying.

well either way, the amount of tears isn't really important.  I still got socked with that grief. My mom was like, well get off that side of the bed girl!  I know when i think of my dead husband, I put it outta of my mind immediately.  I'm like whew, you obviously either have a double walled bank vault type of a mind, or you like didn't love your husband as much as i did mine...funny how judgement is comforting in a way.  Nonetheless, after my demi moore tears, (and i didn't move out of Jason's spot) I accept my grief. I understand it is my right and I can grieve him as long as it takes, for whatever reason that crops out. I want my grief to have its way. I want to process each and every feeling and emotion about this even it it takes years. I want to understand that it is alright to grieve him even on something as small as sleeping on his side of the bed after its been vacated by him since 2008.  I miss my Boo. It's gonna be alright. I am glad today it was a Demi Moore cry day. I went back to sleep and did that after crying fatigue hit me, and i was thankful that i had the oppty to do that healing sleep for myself. And i woke up feeling a lot better. More in touch with me and my pain, more gentle and accepting of myself and incredibly grateful that I loved a man deeply enough and was loved as equally well by him - what an incredible gift that is .

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on June 13, 2011 at 10:27am

Charlene - 

Yesterday was 7 months since my husband died - also in my arms.  Friday I had to give up  my dog because I just couldn't care for him; he was sick and I couldn't go through taking care of a sick dog after losing my husband to cancer; it feels like losing my husband all over again. And the expense was beyond my limited means.  And Father's day is next Sunday so I know that will be a tough day for me and my daughters.  I have to say, as painful as this is, it is easier.  I have fewer bad days and more good days.  I still wear both my wedding ring and his on my right hand and I still haven't packed up any of his things except what I've offered to family - what they might have wanted of him, especially his brother and our daughters.   But the loss will always be with me.  Someone asked me if I thought I'd ever start to "date" again and I just can't imagine being with anyone else, as lonely as it is being alone.  And it is hard to find joy in life - I find I have to look for it; I have to force myself to take part in social activities, but I'm always glad I did at the end.  I think one just has to take it one step at a time; one foot in front of the other.  Hang in there.

 

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 13, 2011 at 12:32am

I'm sorry for your loss charlene....it is hard....it sounds like you might feel some guilt that you took him off life support too soon, I am sure you made the right decision, especially if he was suffering.....its not easy, I hope you find peace....I try to focus on as many joyful things as I can, but again thats not always easy either, try and keep busy, things do get a bit easier....hang in

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