Traumatic loss of an only child


Traumatic loss of an only child

I started this group so that people who have lost their only child or the only child that remained, as in my case, could come together because I believe people that did have a child or children who now have none have special issues.

Members: 27
Latest Activity: May 27

Discussion Forum

Lost my daughter to an impaired driver 2 Replies

I lost my only child in 2010.  The pain feels as bad today as it did then.  It's as if no time has passed.  It may as well have been yesterday.  I try not to show my pain but I am such a radically…Continue

Started by Patty. Last reply by Patty Apr 24.

my beautiful only child, my son 6 Replies

hi my name is kim, I lost my son noe 5 , I was taking him to the doctors and he left me in my van, I screamed and screamed for him to not leave me, it was his heart  he was only 40, I died that day…Continue

Started by kim. Last reply by Vicki Sep 18, 2014.

I just lost my only child, please help me. 6 Replies

3 weeks ago tomorrow, I am looking for any help I can get. i am lost

Started by Sandra LaBonte. Last reply by kim Jun 1, 2014.

My first panic attack 2 Replies

Last night and this morning I spent crying uncontrollably. I miss my daughter so much and I feel this terrible emptiness without her. I couldn't go to work.  I was able to take a shower and get…Continue

Started by Wendy. Last reply by Wendy Jan 19, 2012.

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Traumatic loss of an only child to add comments!

Comment by Patty on May 27, 2016 at 1:00pm

Feeling very isolated and lonely today.  I made the mistake of looking at Facebook without being mentally prepared.  Everyone is making family plans for Memorial Day.  I just don't know how to get through the rest of my life.  I live in abject fear of something happening to my husband.  Then the aloneness will be 100% complete.  I am not a strong person. I don't don't know how to live without my precious daughter.

Comment by Patty on April 27, 2016 at 8:02pm

Connie, a few people, like my pastor friend, who said that probably kept me alive.  At least I have some comforting things some people said to counteract the insensitive things others said.  And some people are SO insensitive.

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2016 at 6:57pm

Patty - So glad for your wise friend and what he said...

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2016 at 6:56pm
Losing an only child definitely leaves you so isolated and feeling like everything is over. Jesse's mom - everything you said is so true. love that term Chronian Wound. Seems they understood more way back then...

Kim - hang in there.

Hugs and love to you all

Trying to think of a good place to hide on Mother's Day...

Comment by Patty on April 25, 2016 at 8:00pm

Jesse's mom, he is a wise friend indeed.  He said "No one could ever convince me that losing an only child is the same as losing one of multiple children.  Patty, all your eggs were in one basket.  Then the basket was taken away.  That is not the case for people with other children".  How true is that?  So true.  And I am in no way minimizing the loss someone feels who has other children.  It's just different. No good reason to get up in the morning for starters.  And there are SO many other things that will never happen.  It's too painful to even type those things.  And I went through a trial as well.  What a nightmare.  And yeah, nearly destroyed?  Beyond destroyed.

Comment by kim on April 25, 2016 at 7:45pm

jesses mom I do understand everything you said,  the pain we are all in and the hate I carry. people can be very cruel, and heartless. its nice to know we are here for each other and we know what we are going through. I don't think I believe in god any more, how can he make us suffer so bad? yet there are times I beg him to let my son come to my dreams, let me hold him one more time, if I could just here him say mom I love you im here. but instead here I sit typing and crying my heart out, wishing I was dead, praying to die everyday. oh god it hurts so much. take care   kim

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 25, 2016 at 7:10pm

"I'm with you, I carry a lot of harsh feelings for the words and expectations of others."

Ditto that. Probably will never attend a traditional church again because of all the ridiculous, callous and downright cruel statements made to me in regard to the trial of the person who killed my son.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 25, 2016 at 6:51pm

Patty, what a wise friend that understood he should NOT make you "get over it".  I really think that unless someone loses their most beloved child, there is just no way for them to even catch a glimpse of what we live in day in and day out.

For instance, I have a very dear friend right now that mentioned on Friday that her sister-in-law had her adult son die in 2011. The son was the same age as my Jesse.

What blew me away was her words regarding her SIL and the loss of her son, which were:

"Yes, losing her son NEARLY destroyed her life..."

Now this friend is very sensitive and kind, and even stood with me in the room of Jesse's body. However, I felt the rug rip out from under me right then. It was not said from a bad intent, it just was from sheer ignorance. 

The fact is our life IS DESTROYED as we once knew it to be. Everyday it is a struggle to get through. I often think of Bluebird's words in regard to why some people struggle so hard with the loss of a beloved versus someone who seems to be able pick up the pieces.

She wrote it was to do with bonded you were to your beloved is reflected in how the grief response will be. I think that Bluebird is so absolutely correct.

Today, while browsing on the Internet, I found an interesting term -- it is called "Chironian Wound". I never heard of that term before but found it fitting. It has to do with ancient mythology, arising from the condition of human suffering.

A Chironian wound is an injury that will never, ever totally heal. Chiron combines comprehension and pain, wisdom and compassion, knowledge and healing talent. We know about that suffering because it hurts ourselves, because we are present in that pain, not because we have overcome it and blocked it up in the past.

I thought -- finally someone who gets suffering.

However, my friend's simple words reminded me how isolated I really am, and that perhaps it is best to remain in a cloistered setting. I know my own mother took that route as she too, like myself, has had two child losses. 

I don't want to risk others saying things from ignorance. However, I KNOW for certainty, if it was their child, they would not at all react as they think or are telling you. They are only guessing and I think some of what they suggest is to minimize just how much pain one is in.

Comment by Patty on April 25, 2016 at 12:16pm

And Kim, I would really love to hear about Shawn if your up to talking about him.  I'd love to know him too.  

Comment by Patty on April 25, 2016 at 12:06pm

Kim, I am here for you, too.  Until I got to this site I don't think I REALLY realized other people hurt as much as I do.  How wrong I was.  Your pain comes through in every word as does your deep, abiding love.  Right after my daughter's accident a pastor friend came over and set up counseling sessions with me.  We met for 4 years until he retired and started a ministry in another country.  He knew my daughter as well as me.  He knew of our extremely close relationship.  He NEVER tried to get me "past' it.  He said he knew that would never happen.  Every session we talked about heaven.  That was one thing that helped at the time (I'm not saying it would help anyone else but it helped me).  At that time I realized that I could literally be with Caitlin a second from now or a minute, month or year from now.  Somehow that got me through.  I imagined how I may see her next week.  I imagined things I would tell her.  I mean, how do we know?  We certainly didn't know that in a second they would be gone so how can we say that in a second we won't be with them?  I'm with you, I carry a lot of harsh feelings for the words and expectations of others.  I always say that it would be a an emergency if it was their child but with mine not so much (to them).  It kills me when they won't speak her name.  I mean, seriously?  Are we not thinking of them constantly anyway?


Members (27)


Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just to let all the friends who post on this web-site are a godsend. Don't know what I with do without all of you. A Heartful Thanks To Each and Everyone Of You/"
48 minutes ago
LIZ commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks for the kind words :) "
1 hour ago
mhi gp updated their profile
2 hours ago
mhi gp replied to Mel's discussion Feel alone without my mom in the group Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother
"hi, firstly, hugs to you. secondly, you take all the time you need to grieve your mum. and five weeks is very recent. PS: speaking purely for myself, i didn't want to "get over" my loved ones who over time, i came up with…"
2 hours ago
mhi gp commented on mhi gp's group Grieving a difficult/complex relationship
"I started this group because my Mum just died and we had a very difficult relationship. I wanted somewhere that it felt OK to discuss the confusing and contradictory emotions in this situation. Yes I am sad, very sad. I am also relieved, angry,…"
3 hours ago
mhi gp joined Tonya's group

Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother

This group is for adult daughters trying to cope with losing her Mother
3 hours ago
mhi gp posted a group

Grieving a difficult/complex relationship

Grieving is hard enough. When the relationship with the deceased was difficult or complicated, it can be even harder, and involve additional emotions & concernsSee More
3 hours ago
Yasmin p posted a discussion

Losing both parents

I lost my mama to cancer after her 10 month battle with Vulvar Cancer and I had to witness some very horrific days. She suffered so much and I tried to be there with her as much as I could but she did not survive this monster and passed dad was also battening lung disease and he passed away 7 weeks later. I am 32 and no siblings and no family of my own.some days I feel lost and I don't know if I can carry on...
8 hours ago
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I agree - the pain is too much. How does one live each day without the most important person of their life? I mean LIVE - not just live."
10 hours ago
Sam joined Ada Bowie's group

Losing a sibling

For anyone who's lost a sibling. It's worse than people seem to think it is.
10 hours ago
Sam joined Lauren Bosi's group

Losing a Sister

For anyone woman who has lost a sister.
10 hours ago
Sam updated their profile
10 hours ago
Profile IconKevin Bailey and Sophie Davison joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
12 hours ago
Nb commented on Diana Y's blog post After Death Communication
"I have asked my son for a sign that he is okay - actually, I told him he MUST tell me he loves me. Weʻve had other people recount verbal communication with him, but I told him this is your last chore. The day after I said that, I got a comment on a…"
12 hours ago
Kimberly commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"It's like I can't breath sometimes."
12 hours ago
Nb replied to Karen's discussion Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I lost my son, Lucas, on August 26, 2016 in a car accident. We think he misjudged the turn on our dark rural road because he was very sleepy and hit a retaining wall. He was killed instantly, we think just a few minutes after his sister made that…"
12 hours ago
pamela winmill commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today is my first birthday without my husband 205 days ago he was taken from me 48 years of wonderful marriage, so called friends of 35 years have ignored me and ran inside when they see me and they have been saying they dont know what they have…"
12 hours ago
Profile IconElizabeth Stamand, LIZ and Andrea Pritchett joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
12 hours ago
Kevin Bailey replied to Kevin Bailey's discussion I lost my beautiful wife on October 5 2016 in the group Lost My Spouse...
"We all had the beautiful gift to have found true love with another human being and for that I will always be grateful but the sad part is losing that person and feeling the pain and emptiness inside day after day. I'm just trying different…"
13 hours ago
Cyndi W commented on Cyndi W's blog post Learning to cope without you.
"Thank you Vicki and I do read them often."
13 hours ago

© 2016   Created by Diana Y.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service