Comment

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on September 30, 2013 at 12:16am

Hi Cynthia.My heartfelt condolences for your loss. Like you I was with my mum constantly 24/7 for more than 14 years. Her suffering over the past 1 year and especially during the last month of her life I will never ever forget. Like you I'm constantly wondering if all the decisions I took were correct. My mum was put on a feeding tube the last day of her life. This decision was taken by the hospital ICU staff. Here in India patients and their families are treated badly even in the best hospitals. There is no kindness or even humanity in any measure. We were asked if we wanted to resusticate or intubate her but as a family decided to not prolong her suffering. Its 2 months since she passed away but I'm always haunted by how much she suffered, what could I have done better etc. I relate to your story in that even I dont have many people to talk to. My fiance while kind and supportive is getting impatient. I'm sorry that your husband can't wait till you feel better. Please know I'm here for you . Losing a mother is the most tragic loss that shakes the very foundation of our own existence. My ma( indian word for mother) was everything to me. I understand how you feel . We can talk anytime you wish. God bless you Cynthia.

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on September 29, 2013 at 11:58pm

Hi Danny. Thank you for responding to my post. Thank you for your kindness . Danny after experiencing unconditional love from our mothers the indifference and insensitivity shown by others around us is a startling and painful contrast. It amplifies the magnitude of our loss. Danny I hear you about the loneliness . Please reach out to talk to me anytime. Here's the irony: the kindness and sensitivity which so many of us are not receiving from our near and dear ones is to be found on this wonderful forum in abundance. Please take care.

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on September 29, 2013 at 7:25pm

Danny is right. Now that my mom is gone(5 weeks ago yesterday).
I realize that the person that loved me unconditionally is gone.
I have had trouble working and sleeping, because my "best friend"
is no longer here! I was a mess on my b-day, because it was just 2 weeks after mom's death. I don't want to even think about the up and coming holiday season.

Comment by Martha on September 29, 2013 at 6:27pm

Indeed, when the man I dated for years (we were still "friends") told me to get rid of all of my mother's things, but a photograph. Instead of doing that, I got rid of him.

Comment by Danny on September 29, 2013 at 6:17pm

It is indeed amazing to see how the spouses are just waiting so that the grieving person can become a bit 'better'.  To be honest it is just ridiculous when I read this and is further proof of the fact that unconditional love is very hard to get even from the partner. It is not real security.

Comment by Danny on September 29, 2013 at 6:13pm

Great post by Martha.  I love the statement 'watching over us' it makes me feel less vulnerable.  So there is a gap yes and yet, it is being watched over.

Comment by Martha on September 29, 2013 at 5:56pm

Dear friends:

I feel blessed to have found this site. It took me a lot longer than all of you to have the strength to even look for it at a friend's suggestion. That speaks volumes as to how together you all are in spite of it all. The first few month I was in a daze, in shock. Questioning every decision that was made regarding my mother. How I could have saved her. It is all here said by you, and it helps to know our feelings, our pain is absolutely normal. My mother was my life. My life revolved around her. She was my very best friend, an example of everything good. I wish I could tell you that life gets better after a year has passed, it becomes bearable. But, part of the great suffering is turning into a state of gratitude for I know that most people never had the wonderful experience of having someone that remarkable in their lives. And, I can now say that I love my mother today even more, if that is possible. And, with complete certainty I tell you all that you will be reunited when our day comes in our REAL HOME which is the spiritual realm. Meantime, our Moms are watching over us, and wanting us to to the best we can in their honor.

If I can help anyone, please do not hesitate to email me, or meet me on chat. We are family here.

Peace.

Comment by Danny on September 29, 2013 at 4:00pm

I get these feelings on and off like Dia, the whole package of disbelief etc.  I feel really vulnerable at times and wonder if love can be found unconditionally.  It is the new normal. It is like if I am in hospital no one cares really.  I am questioning the meaning and purpose of life too Dia.  Going about my routine though as best as I can.  Let's see. Take it easy Dia.

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on September 29, 2013 at 10:32am

I feel so lost and lonely without my mum. She was incredibly special. Her suffering and the way she passed is imprinted in my soul . It haunts me day and night. There is shock, disbelief , numbness but the overriding emotions are deep pain, grief and sorrow. I feel so alone . Our bond was so special .I loved her more than anybody else in this world. Nobody has loved me unconditionally like her and nobody will now. Mom : the day you left , the world ended for me . Now theres nothing left .

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on September 29, 2013 at 10:32am

I feel so lost and lonely without my mum. She was incredibly special. Her suffering and the way she passed is imprinted in my soul . It haunts me day and night. There is shock, disbelief , numbness but the overriding emotions are deep pain, grief and sorrow. I feel so alone . Our bond was so special .I loved her more than anybody else in this world. Nobody has loved me unconditionally like her and nobody will now. Mom : the day you left , the world ended for me . Now theres nothing left .

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