Disenfranchised grief

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Disenfranchised grief

This group is for all those whose grief has been disenfranchised (not supported or acknowledeged by family, friends or society) I hope this group will exist to enfranchise your grief. Please don't grieve alone.

Website: http://www.disenfranchisedgriefforum.co.uk
Members: 42
Latest Activity: Dec 22, 2016

Discussion Forum

freinds dont want to no you 6 Replies

a lot of my so called mates dont want to speak to me coz i lost my dad sum still speak to me but others just cross the st wen thy sea me i say in mu hed just traeat me normal not ckreaping aronds not…Continue

Started by dream moon JO B. Last reply by dream moon JO B Mar 29, 2016.

Lost my life long friend, no one else seems to care. 2 Replies

Hi,My long time friend died from complications of diabetes. I went to visit him and found him sitting in his recliner, I assumed he was asleep but he was dead. It was the most horrifying moment in my…Continue

Started by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong. Last reply by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong Mar 28, 2016.

distraught over friends' pregnancy 5 Replies

So, I feel completely unjustified being so sad/depressed about this situation, but here goes:  I have never known such a feeling of despair in all my life. I’m in a catatonic state. I haven’t even…Continue

Started by jdubya. Last reply by jdubya Mar 8, 2016.

Losing my soulmate

Hello my name is Jennifer and I'm new here. This is my first time going through this so let me tell you the story. My fiancé, my prom date, my 10 year relationship has ended last year on the night of…Continue

Started by Jennifer Mar 1, 2016.

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Comment by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong on December 18, 2016 at 7:06pm

I found my friend dead 1 year ago today. It feels like yesterday. I miss him. The worst part is that I'm alone with my grief, no one else seems to miss him, not even his brother. My family never really liked him, (for things that he did when he was 18) they never have anything to say when I'm down.

Comment by Jen G on June 11, 2016 at 1:58pm

I am sooo glad I was of help!!  It is truly awful to put up the front...  Talking to you has helped me too. 

Comment by Liz on June 11, 2016 at 1:26pm

No I am not married Jen but I sometimes wish I had someone just to give me a hug.  I was married a long time ago and have 2 grown up daughters but they do not know of the relationship. Its awful having to put on a front all the time when you are dying inside. I miss him so much and think of him all the time.  I will look into counseling.  It has helped just to be on this forum and talk to you.  Thank you. 

Comment by Jen G on June 11, 2016 at 11:51am

I really recommend counseling Liz.  I wish I would have went sooner.  I still miss him so very much, but I feel I am able to just get through my days a little easier.  It was so hard to put on this big front to my husband and my children that I am just fine when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry.  It has been over 6 months since he passed.....  I still don't know what to do and I miss him terribly, but I feel I am at least functioning a little better now.  It does help to know others are going through the same thing.  I never would have thought I would be in the situation I am in, but here it is.  You didn't say you were married, or with anyone else, so you may be able to grieve in private, but I really recommend counseling.  It helps to be able to talk to someone and someone who won't judge or take sides. 

Comment by Liz on June 10, 2016 at 11:47am

Jen G, I'm glad you are doing ok now.  I think I will seek counselling as well.  It is so so hard not being able to talk to anyone.  No-one else knew about our love and I am finding it so difficult.  Sometimes I want to tell someone but again I don't want to dishonour his memory and know I must keep it secret.  It helps to know others have gone through the same thing.

Comment by Jen G on June 9, 2016 at 4:35pm
Hi Liz. I am ok. I started counseling a couple weeks ago. I just couldn't handle keeping everything inside. It helps to talk out loud to someone. I miss him so much. Our talks, his laugh, the way he was so understanding...
Yes, sometimes love just happens.
Comment by Liz on June 8, 2016 at 9:41am

Jen G, I was wondering how you are doing now.  I too lost the love of my life and cannot tell anyone because he was married to someone else.  We were in a relationship for over 18 years.  I had known him for nearly 20 years before that, there was always something between us but we fought it as he was married.  One day it just happened and we became lovers.  Our special friendship turned into a wonderful love.  We did not want to hurt anyone so kept our relationship secret but shared wonderful times together.  It was never seedy or sordid and we genuinely loved each other very much.  A couple of years ago I had health problems and wasn't in a good place and I stopped the sexual side of our relationship though we stayed best friends and saw each other and spoke on the phone often.  He was so patient when I asked him to give me time - I never thought time would run out.  We both expected to resume our relationship when I felt ready.  He died suddenly and it was the biggest shock of my life.  He was my rock, my joy in life and my best friend.  I too feel like I am dying inside and cant quite believe that I will never see him or speak to him again.  It is so hard to deal with this alone.  I miss him so much.  I miss his chats, his support, his presence and most of all his love which I never doubted.  I do feel for his wife and am glad that she did not know about us.  People will judge but sometimes love just happens. 

Comment by Jen G on March 3, 2016 at 2:30pm

I am fairly new to this site.  I am going to tell my story.  I may be judged by some, but I need to talk.  I lost the love of my life on Thanksgiving day 2015.  I loved him with all of my heart.  Never felt that way about anyone.  I am in my 50's and have been married to the same man for over 30 years.  He loves me, but I do not love him.  I got married too young.  I was 18 at the time and thought I loved him, but after a couple of years, I really questioned it.  We had a baby one year after we got married.  While I was 8 months pregnant, my young father shot my young mother and then killed himself.  My 16 year old brother moved in with us and, bam, we had to deal with both of their deaths, how they died, the fact that both families were not supportive at all, a teenager and a baby.  I got thru it, I don't know how, but I did.  We had another baby two years later.  My children, of course, are what kept me going...  My husband was absolutely wonderful.  He is so kind and sweet.  He is a very hard worker and provides very well for us.  I love him, but I am not IN love with him.  I met my love about 20 years ago and knew there was something there, but he was married, I was married, both had small children and neither one of us ever left the other one know.  A couple of years ago we reconnected.  He was still married to the same woman, but we started talking.  He had a lot of health problems, but I did not care.  I fell head over heals, deeply in love with him.  His wife seemed nasty to him, though he never said much.  He would never put her down that way.  He lived in their basement and slept on a couch for over 15 years...  They had no kind of real marriage.  We were talking of leaving our spouses and getting a place, but I was scared to death.  I didn't want to hurt my husband, and I didn't want what happened to my mom and dad to happen to us.  I would never want to put our children or anyone that we love through that horror.  So, we just kept talking, he was so understanding.  As I said before, he had a lot of health problems...  He went into the hospital Tuesday before Thanksgiving and died Thanksgiving day.  He was buried at Arlington National Cemetary February 25 and I couldn't even go to the funeral...  I keep beating myself up over that one.  I feel I really let him down.  Now, here I am...  My husband knew that we were talking, but he does not know how very deeply I loved him.  No one knows the depth of my grief.  I just have to go on smiling to everyone like I am just fine.  I am just dying inside.  I know this is long, but I just had to tell my story to someone.  Ironically, he had a brother die on Thanksgiving day when he was a little boy.  I miss him with every fiber of my being.  Never knew what that meant until I fell in love with him...

Comment by Jennifer on March 1, 2016 at 1:49pm
You see my mother and brother don't know him and his family very well. Since we all lived in different state and I live in Indiana for ten year I didn't visit my family much. Now his gone and I could not afford to live on my own, I came back to Cali to live with my mom. It's hard to talk to her about him, yes she try to help but in the same time she seem more focus try to fix my life and what's best for my future then what I'm going through. I'm feel so emotional losing him, I freak out inside sometime know his not by my side. My mom ask so much questions about my life, what am I going to do, what about getting in shape, going back to school, what's your plane, new city, new area, the things I can't just decide right away, I'm still in so much emotion, not saying I won't go on but I just need time to think for myself. I miss him so much that's all I can think right now nothing else
Comment by dream moon JO B on October 7, 2014 at 4:09pm

 
 
 

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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, I understand what you mean.  There will never be anymore of what we did together, IT IS FINISHED."
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"Strike those vacations below, they'll never be another one.  Went on a memorial cruise with my daughter and family four months after she passed because she was so looking forward to it.  It hurt enough to know they'll be no more."
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes Elynn, the loneliness.  That's painful.  They're not here and always was.  Our best friend, lover, and most precious thing we had.  We were lucky enough to spend the last 8 1/2 years together, joined at the…"
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've had a rough few weeks.   August 31st would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.   September 27 was year 4 of my husband's passing.   It's pretty lonely around here.  Its difficult to talk…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Every day for me is the same day she passed.  Not a joyful or even an ok moment.  I spend a little time with the children and grands and do my best to hide my emotions, but they all know how I am inside, even the youngest grand at age 4…"
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"How are you all doing?  I had bad last 2 days. Felt lot of guilt and cried. There were some moments which made me remember my mother.  Also I hear comforting words by a lady that people who have gone from this world can still feel your…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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for loved ones who have lost someone to suicide

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Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
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"I am very sorry to hear about your Mom passing. I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago and just my identical twin sister last month to an overdose. My mother and I were not as close as I would have liked. The disease kept her depressed and…"
Oct 2
Kim Darichuk posted a status
"Lost my mom may 1st I'm 34 years old having an extremely hard time we were so so close this was so sudden and I am so lost.. I carry on"
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