Cydney Oliver
  • Female
  • Columbus, NE
  • United States
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more loss

Lost 2 wonderful friends to a suicide pact, they both had terminal illnesses. He was close to my husband and the funeral for my friends were a repeat of the same people and music from Jerry's…Continue

Started Apr 13, 2016

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About Me:
54yo from Nebraska
About my Loss:
My 63yo husband died 02-03-16 unexpectedly from a massive MI

I was with him from start to finish the day he passed. Did everything I could to get a different outcome. His heart attack was sudden and swift. I am haunted by some of the images from that day. They appear out of no where in my mind's eye. Within an hour my life was completely turned upside down. 

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confused

After my love died of a massive heart attack, we were able to donate his corneas. I received a phone call from the local health department that his corneas tested positive for Hepatitis B and were not suitable for donation but would be used for research and professional education. Has any one else had this experience? Not sure what to think at this point.

Posted on April 18, 2016 at 9:56pm — 2 Comments

still struggling

His ex-wife and I have forged an unusual relationship. I will throw myself under that bus in order to keep being able to love the 2 grandchildren with all I have. I am known as #2, or sister wife. Only to find out that he was never separated when he asked me out on our first date. He wasn't honest to his family, or with me. That is a hard hurdle. I believed in our love story, and still do. I would rather have been pissed at him than to lose him. I still believe in us. But have struggled to…

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Posted on April 13, 2016 at 2:38am

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At 11:25am on April 13, 2016, Fran said…
Looks like you're having problems sleeping. Me too. I will take something a couple of times a week to make sure I get some sleep. As for the fishing poles. I will hold onto them. I might not know how to change lures or hook a worm, but I can do minnows...I am hoping my son gets the boat working this summer so that we can use it...I'm sorry that you've had additional heartache. In the year during which Bill was diagnosed and eventually died I hit 10 funerals. It seemed to all come at once. A couple of husbands, a couple of moms, a daughter, a cousin...after a while I was telling friends they should leave me alone, I felt like death was stalking me....But, I push on and so will you.
At 8:02pm on March 22, 2016, Fran said…

I had never fished before Bill. He opened up so many interests for me. We have 2 fishing boats that just sit0. A 5th wheel camper that I plan on selling. Have at least a dozen fishing poles...What a waste. I miss him and our life.

At 10:07am on March 21, 2016, Fran said…
It definitely is NOT easy. What kept me pushing forward was that I wanted Bill to look down on me with pride that I was trying to keep things going. In some ways, I was lucky. We had just revised wills literally 2 weeks before he died...so the legalities were all in place. I had someone who helped with the paperwork and contacting insurances, etc. My adult children still live with me and so I have that support...But I miss Bill everyday and want to rant at the cruelty of having him taken from me...I wasn't done with him yet!!!! I spent the first year just being angry...why take him when there are so many older people(he was 57) and so many evil people?????
But, I plod on...I must be healing a little because I'm starting to feel bored, listless. I need to find SOMETHING to focus on to fill the void...
At 3:27pm on March 14, 2016, Fran said…
Cydney, I am very sorry for your loss,I lost my husband to cancer Nov. 2014. I, too, was a nurse. Sometimes I think it's tougher on us because are entire being is aimed at saving...I know I feel I screwed up because I couldn't save him. I still second guess those months. Doesn't matter, end result is the same...he's gone and I'm here trying to muddle thru life without him. I have finally gotten to where I don't feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest...Good luck on your new journey. Feel free to rant and rave here. We get it.
 
 
 

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