He died 10 weeks ago. He would have been 27. We met in middle school and dated for years before getting married in July. We never even got to celebrate a month of marriage. Three weeks after the wedding we were in a car accident on our honeymoon and he died instantly. I’m still recovering from my injuries and every single day I wonder why I’m still here. In so many ways he was a better person than I am. He was only 26, he never got to work a job he was passionate about, he never got to be a father, we didn’t even get to open our wedding presents or set up the new condo we had just signed for days before the accident. I had some very serious injuries, i had to be airlifted to a hospital, and I get alternatively incredibly angry or full of depressed regret when I realize that I could have died with him. I do not want to be here. We met when we were thirteen, we had our first kiss two years later, we had always lived in the moment, but had just started thinking about the future (married, condos, kids, jobs, moving...) when it was all ripped away. so much of who I am is because of him; we negotiated who we were, what was important to us, what we wanted out of life together.
Everyone is moving on without him and it makes me sick. The first month everyone was so supportive and spoke about him all the time, but now it’s like I have this layer between me and the world. Most people seem scared to bring it up, so many people just never talk about him and I suppose they think that is what’s best. He deserves better than that. He deserves to at least be remembered and spoken about.