Today would have been my husband’s birthday.

He died 10 weeks ago. He would have been 27. We met in middle school and dated for years before getting married in July. We never even got to celebrate a month of marriage. Three weeks after the wedding we were in a car accident on our honeymoon and he died instantly. I’m still recovering from my injuries and every single day I wonder why I’m still here. In so many ways he was a better person than I am. He was only 26, he never got to work a job he was passionate about, he never got to be a father, we didn’t even get to open our wedding presents or set up the new condo we had just signed for days before the accident. I had some very serious injuries, i had to be airlifted to a hospital, and I get alternatively incredibly angry or full of depressed regret when I realize that I could have died with him. I do not want to be here. We met when we were thirteen, we had our first kiss two years later, we had always lived in the moment, but had just started thinking about the future (married, condos, kids, jobs, moving...) when it was all ripped away. so much of who I am is because of him; we negotiated who we were, what was important to us, what we wanted out of life together.
Everyone is moving on without him and it makes me sick. The first month everyone was so supportive and spoke about him all the time, but now it’s like I have this layer between me and the world. Most people seem scared to bring it up, so many people just never talk about him and I suppose they think that is what’s best. He deserves better than that. He deserves to at least be remembered and spoken about.

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Comment by Paul on November 9, 2017 at 6:41pm
Hello Niomi,
I wish to extend my deepest sympathies on the loss of your spouse under what must be the most heart breaking circumstances imaginable. I lost my wife on March 31 of this year after a six year battle with breast cancer. I can relate to your situation about other people being supportive at first and then avoiding bringing up anything related to your spouse. I believe some people do this because they don't know what to say because they haven't suffered such a devastating loss. Others may do it because they may say the wrong thing and get you upset. Some people avoid it because they don't want to think that it may happen to them one day. At least that has been my experience. Remember the deeper the love, the greater the grief. No one knew or loved your husband like you did.

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