I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his own incarnation of his girlfriend (who is also my closest friend) and she'll join him when it's her time (which better not be anytime soon!)

I guess I just feel lost. My friends don't really bring his death up. We talk about him sometimes, our groupchat is named after him. I still feel alone and don't want to bother them or make them sad, they grieve in their own ways.

need someone to talk to, though. Someone who understands. 

I just hope he's happy up there in the clouds. 

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Tags: grief, loss, suicide, teen

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Comment by Charles Alexander on May 14, 2019 at 9:55am

 Loss is a terrible emotion! I'm living my own grief fight now but I know what you mean about friends, how we relate to them and how they relate to us. Just this past mothers day I called my mom to wish her a happy mothers day and we got to talking about my son. It wasn't long before I said I'd better go before I bummed her out.

Lost is indeed a feeling that we all feel, I think. Our minds find it hard to focus because there's always something in the background that has to be sorted out. These are feelings that are totally alien to us before our loss, and we have to learn to deal with them but I think before we can do that, we need to understand them.

 I'm pretty new to this myself as I lost my son just five weeks ago. 

I wish you peace,

Chuck

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