Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I realized that all this time I haven't been angry at God, I was angry at my own mother for her condition.

I am still without emotions and I don't want to be around people, I hate dealing with anyone's feelings or emotions right now. I am at war with just about everything in my life. The one thing that I am feeling is peace and that is about it. I can't explain it or deny the presence of God anymore. I think He's trying to help me little by little. 

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Comment by ELIZABETH K CASTELLO on March 3, 2018 at 1:15pm

Hi Jenni, I am so sorry what you are going through, you are right about not blaming God it is not his fault he loves all his children and we hurt he hurts I have to stop and think what he went through when his Son Jesus was on the cross it had to happen for Jesus to die for all our sins, my husband passed away on June 12th, 2016, he had Congestive Heart Failure and Diabetes, he suffered a year and a half with it, it hurt me to see him suffer but I believe he is happier he is not suffering and hurting anymore. I have Diabetes too but I am still here it is God's plan for me, I live with my Dad now he is 94 years old I believe God wanted me to come live with my Dad until God calls him home. Anyway, we just have to pray for comfort everyday I do I pray every night although I still feel sad at times and that is normal. My Dad also lost his  brothers and 1 sister he had left in his family in 2016 also there were 4 people we lost in our family that year it is so sad but it was their time to go as it says in the bible we all have a appointed time to go on earth. Hopefully Christ will come back before we go. Hope you have a nice weekend and new week coming up. Your Friend, Lisa Castello

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