Sometimes we get so caght up ih the realms of the what ifs and the have nots and the souldn´t, couldn´t wouldn´t. And what we miss is to find joy in the small things, to smile for the right reasons, and simply EXIST. We put so much pressure in that smile to happen that the guilt or whatever problem shuts the opportunities to ENJOY some more, and allow all to go and fall in place with a little less participation and letting time for things to eventually fall into place. It´s as if we trust too much ourselves and too little everything and everybody else. And thus we CARE GIVERS are in the push to give ever more, but not really learning to step back and allowing life to take care of us and to value the people, places and things that are contributing or trying to in one way or another. SOme people in fact contribute in ways of their simple existence and presence. Others bring the drama by the push for responsibility in their well being, we sort of want to take care of them, although little realistic it may be. It´s one of these things, that we bring ourselves to the world as caring and loving and GIVERS, but that meets TAKERS and sometimes we have to understand the patterns of where we are, and resist that urge to embrace and take care of people as children. When we are learning to take a step back, it´s ok to give a little more than usual, but good to catch ourselves from being into the world´s pressures in the SAVIOUR mode. We are much better off EMPOWERING others if we wish, but most of all whatever we wish to do is more likely TELLING of what we need to take care of in our OWN LIVES. The feelings belong to the owner, and whatever we project they need...mot likely we have to give ourselves. I think relationships are a MIRROR and whatever we point or think has much more to do with ourselves than anyone else. The same about others, whatever they think and point mentally or in words and the insecurities and all are all written in their faces, and I guess mine are written in my face. I am more the quiet type but one that never cared to hide, but never thought for a split second I own the truth, every person has a story and their own take in what they believe or not. What i have to say is that as much as it was rewarding to care for my mother, it is so god to just take a day at a time and allow all to settle in my mind. The drama, the jumping out of bed in countless emergencies, all the calls and bossing me around and blah...I am enjoying MORE THAN EVER the quiet and solitude of getting back to MY LIFE. Although my life is far from great as is, work in progress, I came to the point where I need very little from life in itself. I am enjoying the peace and quiet times more than I ever did. Perhaps because for so long into caregiving I could not give myself that much, since nobody else wanted to take care of one another, but quick to judge and put me there on the spot and inputing their own drop down menu and requests....I am truly enjoying my own little world with no menu, or demands more than what life demands of responsibilities. Lately I find that to call someone friend, they have to come not for my mother or illness, they just have to learn to be just present for what it is, simple joys of company. But interestingly enough, it´s almost as if I am so protective of peace into my life that I allow very little participation and ZERO demands. It´s a time for resting and rejoyce in all the small things and taking the bigger fights a little more each day, and not allowing the stress to be part, because the healing must take it´s own space and time inside myself. And LET IT BE. Eventually I will want more or not, but a day at a time here works just fine for now. And there is an overal understanding I don´t need much of anything and anyone, so sometimes the drama gets exported with the owner just with a quiet half smile and letting go smoothly, since everyone fights battles inside them we know nothing about and as for me, I am done fighting with myself for a LONG LONG time. Works for me.

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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, Bluebell,   thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I thought about it but it was never a real possibility for me. As I said earlier, there is nothing in this world that would hurt my mom more than ending my own life. I will never do it. I try to be careful. I'm such a religious…"
17 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree with you Virginia. Sometimes we actually dont know what we are doing."
19 hours ago
Mike H. posted a blog post

What Can Help Me if I'm Depressed?

The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.What God gives to help the depressedStrength. God “refreshes and cheers” you, not by removing all your problems, but by answering your prayers when you pray for the strength to cope. (…See More
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
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