Sometimes we get so caght up ih the realms of the what ifs and the have nots and the souldn´t, couldn´t wouldn´t. And what we miss is to find joy in the small things, to smile for the right reasons, and simply EXIST. We put so much pressure in that smile to happen that the guilt or whatever problem shuts the opportunities to ENJOY some more, and allow all to go and fall in place with a little less participation and letting time for things to eventually fall into place. It´s as if we trust too much ourselves and too little everything and everybody else. And thus we CARE GIVERS are in the push to give ever more, but not really learning to step back and allowing life to take care of us and to value the people, places and things that are contributing or trying to in one way or another. SOme people in fact contribute in ways of their simple existence and presence. Others bring the drama by the push for responsibility in their well being, we sort of want to take care of them, although little realistic it may be. It´s one of these things, that we bring ourselves to the world as caring and loving and GIVERS, but that meets TAKERS and sometimes we have to understand the patterns of where we are, and resist that urge to embrace and take care of people as children. When we are learning to take a step back, it´s ok to give a little more than usual, but good to catch ourselves from being into the world´s pressures in the SAVIOUR mode. We are much better off EMPOWERING others if we wish, but most of all whatever we wish to do is more likely TELLING of what we need to take care of in our OWN LIVES. The feelings belong to the owner, and whatever we project they need...mot likely we have to give ourselves. I think relationships are a MIRROR and whatever we point or think has much more to do with ourselves than anyone else. The same about others, whatever they think and point mentally or in words and the insecurities and all are all written in their faces, and I guess mine are written in my face. I am more the quiet type but one that never cared to hide, but never thought for a split second I own the truth, every person has a story and their own take in what they believe or not. What i have to say is that as much as it was rewarding to care for my mother, it is so god to just take a day at a time and allow all to settle in my mind. The drama, the jumping out of bed in countless emergencies, all the calls and bossing me around and blah...I am enjoying MORE THAN EVER the quiet and solitude of getting back to MY LIFE. Although my life is far from great as is, work in progress, I came to the point where I need very little from life in itself. I am enjoying the peace and quiet times more than I ever did. Perhaps because for so long into caregiving I could not give myself that much, since nobody else wanted to take care of one another, but quick to judge and put me there on the spot and inputing their own drop down menu and requests....I am truly enjoying my own little world with no menu, or demands more than what life demands of responsibilities. Lately I find that to call someone friend, they have to come not for my mother or illness, they just have to learn to be just present for what it is, simple joys of company. But interestingly enough, it´s almost as if I am so protective of peace into my life that I allow very little participation and ZERO demands. It´s a time for resting and rejoyce in all the small things and taking the bigger fights a little more each day, and not allowing the stress to be part, because the healing must take it´s own space and time inside myself. And LET IT BE. Eventually I will want more or not, but a day at a time here works just fine for now. And there is an overal understanding I don´t need much of anything and anyone, so sometimes the drama gets exported with the owner just with a quiet half smile and letting go smoothly, since everyone fights battles inside them we know nothing about and as for me, I am done fighting with myself for a LONG LONG time. Works for me.

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Billy Jo Colt commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Hi Pamela, I can understand your situation as you aretorn between two worlds. Your daughter in her own way is trying to help you with your grieving process. She thinks that her way is the only way through your grief. It is also a confrontation you…"
29 minutes ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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1 hour ago
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
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Virginia G posted a discussion

What’s the point

Whats the point of living if there’s no happiness?  If you don’t care about anything except being with the person you lost...if everything is meaningless...if you can’t stand the pain or the numbness...if you don’t belong anywhere..if everything feels wrong...if you have no idea what to do about it...if you can’t get through the daySee More
9 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Pamela philipp posted a blog post

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…See More
14 hours ago
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Saturday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Saturday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Saturday
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Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Kristen Harlow replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
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bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
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Friday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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