Tomorrow, it'll be one year since Shelby died. No matter how things seem at any given time, the darkness has set in.  i just can't shake it.  i've continued having physical issues going on, and haven't been able to get in to see the doctor, yet--my appointment is for Monday.  i'm tired of trying to keep going.  i still haven't even begun to work on the planning of Shelby's going away party, yet, either.  *sigh  At this point, my hope is that once i can get straightened out, or at least find out what's going on, then i can start working on getting something set up and done.  ---Too many things on my mind/heart at one time.

i still don't know how safe Gabe is, living with his father and grandfather, especially since Anthony is still using.   *sigh  i really don't know what they expect from me.  i'm struggling to keep going, as it is, and when i couldn't get Anthony on the phone, of course i was concerned.  It was almost a three hour drive, but i found them.  Gabe is a sweetheart, but has waaaaaaaaaayyy too much going on with the toy guns and so forth.  He kept pointing them at me, and i would not play, so he finally gave up....(i have a hard enough time dealing with guns, as it is, but even a toy gun, pointed at the face?  What is this teaching kids these days?  More numbness?  They just aren't supposed to care?  What is it???)  i'm having trouble grasping what is supposed to be truth and not.  i took Anthony outside for a bit, so we could talk privately.  He comes off as understanding and like he really wants to do what's best for Gabe, etc.  But, he still has not texted me, called me or contacted me in any other way.  As i made sure they understood before i left:  i only want to help.  After all, Gabe is my daughter's son--the last living part of her.  i've texted Anthony's father, a couple times, since Anthony doesn't have a phone for now.  *sigh  i still don't think they're being straight with me.  It worries me so much, especially since Gabe is supposed to start school in the fall, and i don't think Anthony's done anything to get him ready.  

Views: 56

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Latest Activity

Frank is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
11 minutes ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Morgan. I wish for my own death also. I pray there is a Heaven so I can be with my Julian and all the that people that were close to me."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda,  I am so sorry to hear of more loss in your life.  I don't know about you but I end up just dissolving when I hear of loss.  Mine or anyone else's.  Grief has given me one thing. The overarching aching desire to…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lost two more relatives this week."
Thursday
Linda mendenhall left a comment for Linda mendenhall
"I miss my mom every day"
Thursday
Linda mendenhall left a comment for Linda mendenhall
"I lost my mom to cancer Dec 2018 I 5ook care of her for 8 years"
Thursday
Danielle Emenhiser updated their profile
Thursday
Profile IconLinda mendenhall, Ellen costa and Danielle Emenhiser joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Wendy Zwickl is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't…"
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I…"
Dec 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts. God Bless You and Your Family"
Dec 7
Wendy commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"My heart goes out to you as I recently experienced the loss of my husband who was murdered. We had been together 31 years, married 27. I remember as if it was yesterday, the phone call, the driving frantically to reach the crime scene, waiting for…"
Dec 6
Wendy joined Susie H's group
Dec 6
Wendy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his…"
Dec 6
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Dec 6
Wendy joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 4
Wendy joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Dec 4
Wendy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 4
jacq kramer joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Dec 3

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service