Tomorrow, it'll be one year since Shelby died. No matter how things seem at any given time, the darkness has set in.  i just can't shake it.  i've continued having physical issues going on, and haven't been able to get in to see the doctor, yet--my appointment is for Monday.  i'm tired of trying to keep going.  i still haven't even begun to work on the planning of Shelby's going away party, yet, either.  *sigh  At this point, my hope is that once i can get straightened out, or at least find out what's going on, then i can start working on getting something set up and done.  ---Too many things on my mind/heart at one time.

i still don't know how safe Gabe is, living with his father and grandfather, especially since Anthony is still using.   *sigh  i really don't know what they expect from me.  i'm struggling to keep going, as it is, and when i couldn't get Anthony on the phone, of course i was concerned.  It was almost a three hour drive, but i found them.  Gabe is a sweetheart, but has waaaaaaaaaayyy too much going on with the toy guns and so forth.  He kept pointing them at me, and i would not play, so he finally gave up....(i have a hard enough time dealing with guns, as it is, but even a toy gun, pointed at the face?  What is this teaching kids these days?  More numbness?  They just aren't supposed to care?  What is it???)  i'm having trouble grasping what is supposed to be truth and not.  i took Anthony outside for a bit, so we could talk privately.  He comes off as understanding and like he really wants to do what's best for Gabe, etc.  But, he still has not texted me, called me or contacted me in any other way.  As i made sure they understood before i left:  i only want to help.  After all, Gabe is my daughter's son--the last living part of her.  i've texted Anthony's father, a couple times, since Anthony doesn't have a phone for now.  *sigh  i still don't think they're being straight with me.  It worries me so much, especially since Gabe is supposed to start school in the fall, and i don't think Anthony's done anything to get him ready.  

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6 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
20 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
20 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
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Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
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dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
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Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
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Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
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Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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