My wife passed away a year ago . My question is for those that have had someone close to you die,what have done with there clothes and belongings.Also I cann,t see any sense holding on to things that we accumulated in out 35 years of marriage.Who knows where I will be and since Iam without a wife in this case and 66 yrs old I know I shouldn,t hold on.Her ashes are in the house in a urn also.I figure I should put some things in a box and get rid of the rest of the items. So what anyone done in this case

 

David

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Comment by kristen on June 26, 2013 at 12:51am

Hi David. I only lost my husband three months ago... And I still have most everything. But I did do an initial clean out if his clothes.  I did it within the first six weeks. For me it made me feel close to him and allowed me to start grieving.  That said, I kept a ton of his clothes. I have teenage boys, so in part I saved his ties and things for them.  U still have a third of the closet full of his clothes. I kept all his tee shirts and boxers for myself and I sleep in them,  I don't suppose you will be curling up in her nightgowns haha.. But I find some comfort in this way.  I would say take it in small doses and dont push it. Going thru their things is hard and getting rid of them is hard even when your logical mind knows you have no practical use for the items. It is all just so hard.

Comment by anna l. on June 16, 2013 at 12:49am

Hi David.  I just had this conversation with my kids a few days ago when we needed to find something in the garage and it is full to overflowing with his things still.  It will be 2 years July 1st and for the first time I can honestly say I meant it when I said this time that I am ready to sort and made decisions on all that stuff.  His cloths I have slowly over time and of necessity sorted and moved around within the house.  I am a quilter so anything I can use to make quilts for his grandchildren I have saved.  Anything I could pass on to family members I have done so.  Some things went to the homeless shelter.  But, and this is a big one, I still have his things everywhere.  His shelf in the bathroom cabinet is still exactly as it was.  His robe hangs behind our bedroom door.  His jacket hangs on the coat rack by the front door.  His office drawers are exactly as they were before he died.  Most of his paper work from that office is in Rubbermaid containers stored in the basement. 

I have a big house and I have the room to spare.  I am not in a rush to go further than that.  One day I will not need to be in this big house and will not move more than a few cherished things of Toms with me.  As it is now, I don't miss the space his things take up and it is not hurting anyone for them to be where they are. 

If you feel ready to make decisions on things then I think you should follow your instincts.  I do not like to see anyone rush into this, but it has been long enough you are no longer in shock.  We each have to take these steps when we are ready.  If you are ready, good for you!

Hugs, Anna

Comment by Jeanne Potter on June 15, 2013 at 10:58pm

Hi David,

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago next week. I went through his clothes right away. Anything that my son could use I gave him. Then I gave more of it to a friend of mine that was the same size. I kept some certain pieces and will always have them. As far as other things I kept maybe just a couple special things that were meaningful to him. My husband would not have wanted his things to hang in the closet for years. He would want them to be used and so they are. My husbands urn is in the family room in a prominent place and I will join him there someday. I have my memories in many pictures and they are everywhere. All of our trips and wonderful days. I am happy to look at them everyday and remember what a wonderful live we had together. I am thankful that I had 30 years with him and how happy we made each other. Yes I am sad that he is not here with me and I miss him everyday and can cry suddenly for some very little reminder of our life together. That is just part of what the ones left behind go through. I have complete faith that we will meet again when I join him on the other side. I also know that he is with me when I need him most. In knowing that I am comforted more than many. I only wish that more people on this site could understand that it is not the end with your partner. You will meet again. Take care

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