"One learns to live with the loss, the tragedy, the waste, and the gaping hole in the fabric of one's life. There is no closure, nor would I want one. I want to remember him all my life, vividly: his laughter, the smell of his sneakers under his bed, his moments of joy, his humility, and his integrity."
Some survivors struggle with what to tell other people. Although you should make whatever decision feels right to you, most survivors have found it best to simply acknowledge that their loved one died by suicide.

You may find that it helps to reach out to family and friends. Because some people may not know what to say, you may need to take the initiative to talk about the suicide, share your feelings, and ask for their help.

Even though it may seem difficult, maintaining contact with other people is especially important during the stress-filled months after a loved one's suicide.

Keep in mind that each person grieves in his or her own way. Some people visit the cemetery weekly; others find it too painful to go at all.

Each person also grieves at his or her own pace; there is no set rhythm or time-line for healing.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may be especially difficult, so you might want to think about whether to continue old traditions or create some new ones. You may also experience unexpected waves of sadness; these are a normal part of the grieving process.

Children experience many of the feelings of adult grief, and are particularly vulnerable to feeling abandoned and guilty. Reassure them that the death was not their fault. Listen to their questions, and try to offer honest, straightforward, age-appropriate answers.

Some survivors find comfort in community, religious, or spiritual activities, including talking to a trusted member of the clergy.

Be kind to yourself. When you feel ready, begin to go on with your life. Eventually starting to enjoy life again is not a betrayal of your loved one, but rather a sign that you've begun to heal.

Source: AFSP

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Emily Wardeiner Comment by Emily Wardeiner on June 30, 2010 at 10:00am
Donna - A close friend of mine committed suicide just on 2 mths ago. She had a drinking problem, which increased her need to end her life. The thing with grief is that sometime you will feel numb and in autopilot mode, but there will be a time and a need to let it out at some stage. All I can say is that Tou will find that time and a few more answers to your questions. they will re-surface at some stage or another but it will get easier over time and more understandable.
Emily Wardeiner Comment by Emily Wardeiner on June 30, 2010 at 9:56am
Thank-you for posting. Donna - I agree!
donna henderson Comment by donna henderson on October 15, 2009 at 12:23am
he had a drinking problem and he refused to get help he also started using drugs...and unfortunately he chose to end his life. nobody saw it coming....our government needs to make better laws if someone threatens suicide they have to be signed into a psychiatric ward i believe had this happened he would still be alive instead of me having to go to his wake/funeral.
Diana Young Comment by Diana Young on October 11, 2009 at 7:45am
I am so sorry. Do you know why he committed suicide?
donna henderson Comment by donna henderson on October 11, 2009 at 1:46am
my cousin doug was 24 years old he committed suicide on thursday, i cant believe that he is dead its a shock and i am very much in denial i try to cry but i cant i want to but the tears won't come out i am so numb, and I feel as if i am on autopilot.

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Books

To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.

-Grace Noll Crowell

The Light Beyond

The Gift That Freed Me To Give

A significant lesson for me has been understanding and accepting that our greatest gains often come through experiences in our lives that may be extremely painful. My father, Raphel Orval Beason, died less than four months before I was born at the age of 19 in an explosion at the Port Chicago U.S. Navy arsenal near Oakland, Calif. He was among 320 men killed on July 17, 1944, when two merchant ships blew next to...

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Try tapping, it works wonders...

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Daughter of Suicide

It has been 22 and a half years since my mother’s suicide in October 1987. I look at that number – 22 – and it startles me. It’s hard to believe that I have lived more of my life without my mother, than with her. During those first 10 years after her death I carried the heavy load of her suicide every waking moment. I struggled with my own depression and feelings of abandonment and...

8 practical ways to help a grieving family

When a friend or family member experiences the death of a loved one, we quickly offer our condolences and help. Listed here are eight practical suggestions for helping a friend or family member that has just suffered a loss. 1. Offer to answer the telephone or answer emails at the family's home. Telephone calls and email can take up a considerable amount of time. Take messages and give information to friends and family. 2. Volunteer...

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