It seems like I have not been sleeping well. I am physically exhausted but cannot fall asleep. The nights and the mornings are the worst.
Throughout the day now I breakdown more often in tears but I do recover faster.
I am sad and angry all of the time.
I wish she hadn't died.
Added by Jason on March 23, 2016 at 7:23am —
The sad and the guilt are hitting me hard last night and today.
I am so sad she is not alive.
I feel guilty that I could not save her.
She was my wife. She was my responsibility.
I should have taken better care of her.
Added by Jason on March 20, 2016 at 7:47am —
Hadn't been able to listen to music until tonight.
It didn't destroy me the way I thought it would.
The memories come flooding back but I didn't break down like I thought I would.
Am I in shock?
Am I numb?
Is something wrong with me?
Or is this part of the grief.
My heart feels like it has a chunk missing now. But it no longer feels like there is a knife sticking out of it.
Added by Jason on March 18, 2016 at 12:50am —
Well, it happened. After only 20 days both kids are sick. Great. They weren't letting me get any sleep before. Now I'm up half the night with sick kids.
I don't know if I have the stamina. I am so tired.
I am having problems accepting what has happened. I imagine the kids are too.
What a living nightmare.
Added by Jason on March 17, 2016 at 1:26am —
As the Saturday Memorial Mass approaches everyone is getting more on edge.
Had exhaustion, guilt, panic attack, and fun with kids.
Added by Jason on March 8, 2016 at 7:21pm —