A few nights ago I was watching the show ‘Catfish’. Im not sure if you’ve seen it before but its basically two guys whom get together to investigate and find out if people are who they really say they are over the internet.  The episode I was watching was a little different than the usual guy or girl trying to figure out if their internet significant other is really who they say they are.  This episode featured a young woman who said she had been contacted by a woman claiming to make contact…

Continue

Some days hurt too much... They all hurt but sometimes it’s just too much. Some days feel dangerous. It’s like I have a little monster inside my chest. Aching and pounding against the walls. Trying to break free. Perhaps trying to quit. Days like these are dangerous. I find myself suffering from one of life’s many side effects; thoughts of suicide. I sit and stare at sharp objects. Wanting to just pick one up and drag it across my skin, just to take the focus off my internal pain for a few…

Continue

Both my mom and dad fell into Comas and suffered irreversible brain damage. They passed away 8 months apart from each other, leaving me all alone; sitting back in all black, wishing i could have them back.   My dad was the first to be taken away from me.  He suffered a stroke and had three hemerrages in his brain which caused the brain damage. His organs started to fail one by one and we decided we should release his body to join his mind. We turned the machines off on June 25th, one day…

Continue

I lost my dear sweet mother on March 3rd of this year... Just 8 months after my Dad passed away.

She feel into a diabetic coma exactly at the 6 month mark. She had stopped eating and taking her medication once my dad had passed away.    While she was in a Coma, I was faced with the same decision we had to make when my dad fell into a coma and…

Continue

I laid my beautiful mother to rest yesterday. I now sit a top of a isolated hill above the City of Angels and pray that her and my father are reunited and happy once again. After a three year draught, it poured rain yesterday for two hours straight during her funeral. I sat in the car and played this song for her in my car after everyone left. I would like to dedicate it to both of my parents and every other beloved soul who is missed here on earth. ho is missed here on earth.… Continue

That moment when you realize you are all alone. You have nothing and no one. No support or a shoulder to lean on. No chest to burry your face in when your eyes swell up from despair.  Only self-absorbed sadists.   I miss my family. I miss my dogs. I miss who I used to be. I have never felt so alone and sad in my life.  I wonder what kind of asshole I must have been in my past life to deserve this. 

Back here again in the same place I was 6 months ago with my dad. This time its my sweet momma. I knew I jinxed her when I called her indestructible. She lays there now. Stuck in a private prison inside her mind and body. Unable to speak and unable to comfort her visitors.  Momma I am so sorry if I jinxed you.  I am sorry I cannot help you or fix you. I am sorry you’ve had to go these last few months without Pop. I am sorry they moved you so far away from us but I promise we will bring you…

Continue

July used to be my most favorite month of the year.  Me, my sister and best friend all have birthdays in July. I normally spent the whole month lounging beach side and having a great time enjoying warm, sunny days.  This year that all changed.  July turned into that dreadful month when I lost my dad.  My warm summer spat in my face on July 6^th.  My dad had a stroke in May and slipped into a coma.  In late June we were told that he would not likely be waking up and if he did, he…

Continue

Sometimes sadness turns into rage. Other times it turns to words on a page. Luckily for my knuckles, today I chose the latter.  Enjoy. 

This place is too familiar. I was sent here not too long ago. My heart was stamped with a life time pass that I never wanted. A membership to a 'Not So Amusing Park' where there is No amusement and No fun. There are long lines but so much loneliness... Only emotional roller coasters that seem to shoot downward…

Continue