I miss you more and more everyday, my broken heart bleeds each day. im trying so hard to understand, but its to hard, I try to smile when I think of you every min of the day but my tears  fall so fast. I know you are here watching over me , protecting me when we were robbed, holding me when I cry so hard and for so long, I still pray every night to go with you, hold you in my arms. there is no life without you, theres no love left in my heart, just emptiness, im one day closer to you but not…

It's my birthday today but I don't want it to be .My Mom has been without me by her side since May the 9th ,2015.I am so broken inside. People around me have know idea how close I have come to being in her arms again.The thought enters my mind at least a few times a day.

I miss her so much ,I want to hug her ,to talk to her, be with her .Oh dear God it's so hard getting through a day.Now today has come and I know what my mom would say oh my baby girl is how old ~ say it is not…

Never blogged before so please excuse me if I do not do it correctly.

Getting close to the 1 year anniversary of my Moms death and I feel like I am at the worst amusement park and an even worse roller coaster.  I am angry at her for not taking care of herself.  I am angry at myself for not paying close attention to her.  I am angry at the doctors.  I am angry that it still hurts just the same as it did on August 22, 2014.

The pain is so excruciating that I often…

So in the last 9 days I've had times of feeling the raw, suicidal pain resurface. I have my theory as to what caused it but I will spare that detail as something more important needs expressed.

The feelings of this pain is dark. So very, very dark that I'm not sure how to even describe it. Best I can come up with to my dissatisfaction: It's night time and overcast. No street lights, no headlights, not even a moon to be seen anywhere. It's pure, bleak, dismal, thick, dense, no sense of…

Another word press blog

http://deeincollingo.com/

These are my confessions or should I clarify by admitting the only confessions I am willing to share.  These confessions will not be pretty or inspiring so if you have stumbled upon this post looking for hope, you may be wise to stop here.

There has not been one life lesson on the other side of Devastation Day which I personally wanted to learn.  The sudden death of my child has not…

Thought I would share this blog post from a Word Press site:

 https://workinggrief.wordpress.com/

The last several days have been hard, harder than the months before.  I don’t know why.  I just know that my mind is racing constantly with what should be, what I want to be, and with overwhelming pain.   When I realized that in a couple of months it will be 2 years since Melinda’s death, I nearly lost my mind.   How is that fucking…

today I was told im cronicley depressed, I now have 2 different grieving councelers, from 2 different places. I pray they can help me  even just a little. I cant remember a day when I was not crying all day and night. still that unbearable pain, still so lonely, empty, everyday I fight not to take my life, but I don't know why, to hold my son, to hear mom I love you, to see his beautiful smile and his voice  again that's all I want.im so sorry I have not been on to try to help others in…

if u sea spam block thm or report 2 diana

From what I read, there is no straight line through this hell and the only way out is thru. I don't know what "stage" of grief I'm in. It's become blurred after the height of the raw, suicidal, unbearable pain. Yea, I'm not crying every day. Yea, I'm not thinking as much about suicide. Yea, it doesn't feel like a nightmare I can't wake up from every second of existence. But I still don't believe this. I'm still unstable. I still can't believe he's really gone, physically, forever, and all…

I have heard it so often..."Your friends will disappear, you will no longer fit in with the other couples."  Thomas swore this would not happen to me.  He convinced me this would not happen.  But now that I've hit the 6 month mark, it has happened.  I've felt some of our closest friends easing away from me, but then I would see them and felt it must have been my imagination. No, it was real.  I believe the time has come that they must feel it more comfortable without us.  Time for them to…

Right now I have no other words that to say other than I miss you. Everything just keeps going wrong this year. I could really use one of your extra strong hugs right now. Watch over my cousin in the hospital. I could couldn't stand another loss. I love you Nick.

Am I the only one who feels my loved one sends me messages, hears his voice in my head and very occasionally feels the sensation of his touch?  For instance, I now drive Thomas' car and cars were Thomas' business.  He ran a European Auto Service Center 2 miles from our home.  Our car has been in the shop for 3 weeks and I was ever so happy to pick it up last week.  On my short drive home, an annoying, loud plastic sounding squeak began.  It was so loud over the radio playing, that I turned…

its been so long since I held my son, heard his voice. its all like yesterday for me. the unbearable pain still here. I keep telling my self he will come home, back to me. I cry all the time, waiting begging him to come back. its all my fault, I should have been harder on him, to take better care of his self. I pray to go with him everyday. waiting for him to take my hand. I cant go on without my shawn, im so tired, lonely, and still so  empty. please god hear my crys, take me to please 

dad if u wear hear u wud of laft yore hed off it ths pic i gt 2 day

u wud of laft yore hed off at it u wud of sed thy laft thr heds of 2 mush…

My beautiful husband died of a heart attack on May 17th.  He was only 53 years old and was the love of my life.  We didn't  have any kids together - only our dog.  Basically we were each other's world.  Now he is gone and I feel like there is no point to anything.  Get up, go to work, cry, come home, cry, go to bed.  At first I was numb now I hurt all the time.  I've tried…

I don't know what to do! It's been 2 months since Nancy's 

death and the pain is worse than ever. In the house I can't

escape the never ending reminders of her. The bursts of 

tears just come on out of the blue and I say the same thing

over and over "Why did you leave me?" "Come Back to me'.

At night, I pray to God to take me so that I won't have to

wake up to this relentless nightmare. Yet, I continue to wake

up, stumble out of bed and begin…