silvia maria
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  • porto alegre
  • Brazil
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Everything small going wrong trigger a setback

Lately I have been way more seletive about interactions. Because they trigger easily to a place lost in space and time. Its like Rolling down this big Mountain over and over just to feel Al right,…Continue

Started Apr 17

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silvia maria posted a blog post

how does it feel to be no longer a caretaker?

Ok so after so much debate around the mother issue since her caretakin was taken over by my elder sister in a very aggressive move...here we are now. I refuse to visit because meeting the conditions to visit are pathetic to say the least. I am suppose to go to a clinic and don´t correct any negligence I see after registrering and sending to police. Holy crap, hell no. Then sister was suppose to change place but never did. THen she was suppose to arrange mother to visit here and also never did.…See More
Saturday
silvia maria posted a blog post

taking responsibility vs NO GUILT

It´s funny how life is. When we deal with pressures it´s all bad news. It´s the rebel that gets quiet or puts up a fight....we give back in more than anyone deserves any good or crap. Because that energy is needed to go forward, and sometimes it´s an inside the mind process. In everyone´s lives come a time to separate self from everybody else. And although relationships are welcome they tend to freeze in whatever they know of us. And came to expect so little and most times we are down we find…See More
Jun 9
silvia maria posted a blog post

Mountain everest climbing....and yet some are eager to ask for MORE.

Here is my situation. I have broken ribs and trying to keep up the best I can with my obligations and god nows how hard it is. So here I find myself fighting for my own health and my family health, and there is this aunt that engages in a conversation with me that is DISTURBING to say the least. She was questioning my trip to a lawyer versus a trip to the hospital to see my mother. Yeah, I wonder how much she wants my body, my pain, and MY LIFE and having to comre across this nonsense. She…See More
Jun 5
silvia maria posted a blog post

When life doesn´t go MY WAY

Ok that´s odd. I have 3 fractured ribs. My drs and I had a hard time to grap the motive, a simple fall from my own height for a medicine peak of low blood pressure. What is even more amazing is how the people around us react when we don´t know what´s wrong but know there is suffering and pain. You know the type....the types of people who think she must be exagerating, or pitiful for a second or regretting their own attitude. What does it say about them? I think that´s why we feel like wild…See More
May 27
silvia maria posted a blog post

How should we FEEL???

Mamazing that many people think they should have a vote to what´s not theirs to start with. FEELINGS, I think each and every human being is entitled to the FULL RANGE of their own feelings. And I wonder when people tell us how to feel...if I get a vote back to jump out their crap...or tell them what I feel about thir standards of whatever is the NORM. Reality is we all feel hurt, lonely, happy, wonderful, ugly, pretty, crying, laughing...you know, just the whole human range, but there is a FLOW…See More
May 20
silvia maria posted blog posts
May 18
silvia maria posted a blog post

HOLIDAYS what a trip

So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips to…See More
May 14
AnneJ commented on silvia maria's blog post PROCRASTINATION...
"Hi, Silvia, I read the latest from your blog and I am asking you if you could re-word what you mean to say here: "I did think about a small own ngo...." Thanks again for keeping this blog; it is amazing. Best from AnneJ."
May 12
silvia maria posted a blog post

PROCRASTINATION...

Procrastination is the ultimate REBEL inside us all. It´s the defying of time and the so many obligations that life imposes to us. I know procrastination here is at it´s best when LIFE has lost most meaning and that fire inside is null. It´s as if the rest of the world makes a clock to go in circles and we want out SILENTLY. It´s a plase to refuge quile refuting the purpose of the clocks. It´s a statement of stuck with the feeet right where the mind is, STILL. Looking for peace to coexist with…See More
May 12
silvia maria posted blog posts
May 7
silvia maria and Billy Jo Colt are now friends
May 6
silvia maria posted blog posts
May 4
silvia maria commented on silvia maria's blog post Choosing POSITIVE self talk, eliminating NEGATIVE. HEALING SELF patterns and life experience.
May 4
silvia maria posted a blog post

SLOW DOWN to move FORWARD

When we have a loss we go through stages that arent forever, they move along like a roller coaster of a range of extreme feelings. Like a roller coaster between anger, frustration, sadness and feels like there is no end to the HURT. By interactions and a pattern of attracting equals in any level of interactions there may be, if we were to watch ourselves as the third person holding a camera to our outer expression we wouldcertainly qualify for best actor/actress of a mexican soapopera. We would…See More
May 3
silvia maria commented on silvia maria's blog post Unconditional LOVE
"Thank you AnneJ"
May 2
AnneJ commented on silvia maria's blog post Unconditional LOVE
"Silvia, what a tiny little pup you have there!!  Look at that big, happy grin. :-) Thank you for sharing these thoughts and principles with us; it's good to read the.  AnneJ"
May 1

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a professional who lived abroad and used to a fast pace environment. Currently making some carrer changes to suit my own special needs. Rebuilding my life around this and undertaking suitable treatments. Up until very recently I had been coming closer to my mother and became her primary caregiver. Which was suddenly interrupted by an hemorrhagic avc.
About my Loss:
I am in the process of grieving my mother´s loss. Although she is still alive family members have made a lot of changes making it a lot more inhospitable to visit. She is in a clinic now which I had to report to police for negligence and since other family members chose to keep her there I don´t feel remotely near comfortable to visit. I have done all in my power to change clinics. But as is i have to cope with earlier loss of her without the actual loss of her life yet. I was the primary caregiver. And I am grieving for loosing a lot more than her actual life.

Silvia maria's Blog

how does it feel to be no longer a caretaker?

Ok so after so much debate around the mother issue since her caretakin was taken over by my elder sister in a very aggressive move...here we are now. I refuse to visit because meeting the conditions to visit are pathetic to say the least. I am suppose to go to a clinic and don´t correct any negligence I see after registrering and sending to police. Holy crap, hell no. Then sister was suppose to change place but never did. THen she was suppose to arrange mother to visit here and also never…

Continue

Posted on June 17, 2017 at 10:17am

taking responsibility vs NO GUILT

It´s funny how life is. When we deal with pressures it´s all bad news. It´s the rebel that gets quiet or puts up a fight....we give back in more than anyone deserves any good or crap. Because that energy is needed to go forward, and sometimes it´s an inside the mind process. In everyone´s lives come a time to separate self from everybody else. And although relationships are welcome they tend to freeze in whatever they know of us. And came to expect so little and most times we are down we…

Continue

Posted on June 9, 2017 at 3:31pm

Mountain everest climbing....and yet some are eager to ask for MORE.

Here is my situation. I have broken ribs and trying to keep up the best I can with my obligations and god nows how hard it is. So here I find myself fighting for my own health and my family health, and there is this aunt that engages in a conversation with me that is DISTURBING to say the least. She was questioning my trip to a lawyer versus a trip to the hospital to see my mother. Yeah, I wonder how much she wants my body, my pain, and MY LIFE and having to comre across this nonsense. She…

Continue

Posted on June 5, 2017 at 11:32am

When life doesn´t go MY WAY

Ok that´s odd. I have 3 fractured ribs. My drs and I had a hard time to grap the motive, a simple fall from my own height for a medicine peak of low blood pressure. What is even more amazing is how the people around us react when we don´t know what´s wrong but know there is suffering and pain. You know the type....the types of people who think she must be exagerating, or pitiful for a second or regretting their own attitude. What does it say about them? I think that´s why we feel like wild…

Continue

Posted on May 27, 2017 at 12:00pm

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Latest Activity

KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes, that is exactly how I feel."
9 minutes ago
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Went to the 2nd session of support group.  Grief is grief and hurts no matter what the loss.  It hurts, you feel alone.  I have learned one thing from group is we are not alone. There are 2 different groups those that are…"
10 minutes ago
Jean replied to Darlene's discussion My grief has made me feel numb from the neck down, has anyone else felt this?
"I had that feeling when my nephew called me and told me his brother had killed himself one year after my brother (their father) died. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before. From the top of my head all the way to my feet just a rush of ?…"
9 hours ago
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, ladies, I just found some thought that actually explains how I feel now: Sounds familiar? Grieving and trying to be nice, crying and smiling to look nice next minute... It is a great movie anyway - watch when you can."
yesterday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Jackie. Those horrible panic attacks just visit us often. Suddenly the whole world is turning black and no oxygen anymore. Jackie, I accept you as acting Steve - I hope he does not mind - and I really appreciate your support - I know you…"
yesterday
AnneJ replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Kim. Please don't feel sorry about discussing different topics; it's how our minds work and your words are a comfort to so many. Just knowing someone feels the same, hurts the same, has the same inner voice... the empty bed, the…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I try not come on here in the early morning as I start work early so I can go home early.  That was my routine.  We would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and I would go off to work.  I looked forward to going home a little…"
yesterday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
Tuesday
Nora posted a status
"Hi, Pumpkin! 3 months without you today. Started looking for a job. I know you are proud of me now. But it is so hard without you. Love""
Tuesday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Ladies, I just had one more pain caused by simple actions that I even did not pay attention to before. Well, I sat to start looking for a job. It was already hard as I have a "meeting people & leaving the house" anxiety. Also, it…"
Tuesday
Jennifer B posted a photo
Tuesday
Lost with out him replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I too feel exactly as everyone here has discribed it. Four months in.. Lost the love of my life. I feeling like the walking dead.. I function because I am expected to. I go to work because I haven't any choice. I have to sell my house.( for…"
Tuesday
Bethany posted a blog post

One down...

Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.See More
Monday
gregory harvey posted a blog post

National TV show wants to help unsolved cold cases

I am the producer of a nationally televised crime docu-series. I am currently developing a new series focusing on unsolved cold cases, where the perpetrator is known but remains uncharged, many times because they are already in prison for life for another crime. That should not deter anyone else from getting justice. We will bring in outside, independent cold case detectives to rework cases to see if we can help. The series will underscore the hope, strength and tenacity of the families and…See More
Monday
morgan replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I really hate to reply to this thread as I am four years and almost five months into the loss of the love of my life and I can hardly stand the roller coaster I am on.  I am careening off the tracks "again" and I come here to reassure…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you all for the kind support here.  It does help.  I too feel lost at time.  This morning I was up at 3:30 watching TV; my alarm goes off at 4:45, no sense in trying to go back to sleep.  Like some one else said on here, my…"
Monday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"
Monday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, If I could I would just copy each word of yours and paste it here. I am exactly in the same boat. I know how you fell and what is going on with you. I will have 3 months tomorrow and today is 13 weeks since my Steve just gone, disappeared into…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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Missing my Best Friend

Again, I am missing my best friend tomorrow will be 7 weeks.  I went back to work last week and it helped some.   Getting into a routine helped.  The issue I have is when I get home he is not there.  That was our time together. Yesterday being father's day the adult kids were lost as was I. My son lives close by and my daughter is 300 miles away.  I was alone without the kids, just my 2 little dogs.  I am so thankful for them.They say go back to work it will help, they say it has been 6 weeks…See More
Monday
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mourning by Definition

MourningThe outward expression of grief over a death or some other calamity. In Bible times, it was customary to mourn for a period of time. In addition to weeping loudly, mourners wore special clothes, put ashes on their head, ripped their garments, and beat their chest. Professional mourners were sometimes invited to funerals.—Ge 23:2;…See More
Monday

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