Tammy Celli
  • Female
  • New Castle, DE
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 24 and I'm a single mom to a two year old little girl. If it wasn't for her I don't think I could go on. Her light outshines all the darkness. I live in Delaware. I wish I could get out of this place and just move somewhere far away. I draw and paint. I like to sing but only when I'm alone. I love music and I listen to just about any genre. Music has been a coping mechanism for me through all of this. I am a nice person unless you give me a reason not to be. I don't like being negative or mean. That's just not who I am but that doesn't mean I will let someone walk all over me. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have are ones that I know would never betray me. I tend to try to see the best in people because everyone deserves a chance.
About my Loss:
I lost my fiance Ray to liver disease two months ago on September 8th. Before I met him I didn't know what love was. I don't think I will ever feel the same way about another human being as I did about him. We created such an awesome kid and it hurts that she won't have her daddy around anymore. Seeing her so upset kills me inside. She's so confused. She doesn't understand where he is. It was sudden. He had had the liver disease for quite sometime but never saw a doctor and didn't know he had it. He didn't have serious symptoms until a week before he died. He went to the er but it was too late. He was bleeding too much and they couldn't stop it. They took him off life support. He was suffering so much. His body was shutting down. He is out of pain now but it feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. I loved him with all of my heart. I wanted to be his wife so bad. we were going to get married next summer. He battled with alcoholism his whole life. He grew up in a family of alcoholics. He didn't have the best childhood. He slowed down his drinking when we moved in together and had our daughter but the damage was already done. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him or talk to him. I can't help it. I still don't want to believe it's real. I want this to be a dream but I never wake up. He was such a good person. would do anything for anyone. We shared the same sick sense of humor and he always knew how to make me laugh. I don't know how I will keep going without him but I have to. I have to stay strong for our daughter. I see him in her everyday. Her face, her attitude. I find some comfort in that.

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Krystal Swinehart is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Welcome Them!
Profile IconRoger Mayer and Darnell Hargrove joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
dream moon JO B replied to Marisol Delgado's discussion Hitting me
"its so hard xmas coz our loved 1s no longer with us so sorry  on your loss "
Monday
Marisol Delgado posted a discussion

Hitting me

My daughter did MAID last Tuesday and I've been holding up okay.But just now the Christmas convoy (trucks all lit up that do an organized drive through our small town) went by and suddenly I just started crying, thinking how my girl won't be around to have these small moments. And not that she would have - she wasn't a huge Christmas or celebration person. So I don't know why I'm sitting here crying about it.Oh this is going to hurt a lot :-(See More
Monday
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Dec 19
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Dec 17
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