"i miss mom so mush i do"
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Roberta Annett
- Female
- Deltona, FL
- United States
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- I'm 51 yrs old, I work full time. I like to read, write short stories and poems. I love animals and art.
- About my Loss:
- Our youngest son Josh ,26 yrs. passed away on February 15,2015 from an accidental over dose. He began using around 13, by 16 he was injecting. Then early 20 ' he slowed down seemed better. Then 2012 the girl, woman (34) he began seeing was worse than him. He used to stick to one drug, never mix. She had a pharmacy in her home from ativan to xanax. Mostly using molly& herion. On the evening of the 14th he was staying with her at her aunts house. She stated at around 3 am my son seemed to be in distress but she was to high and freaked out to call police and she had 2 young children ,so when he seemed to have " passed out" she covered him and when she tried waking him about 11 am, his lips were blue and he was not breathing so she called 911, and preformed CPR
she called 911, preformed CPR, she says until they arrived. He was already gone. Time of death says 12:22 ppm so it's me and my husband and our oldest son who's 32, he's putting alot of blame om himself for introducing Josh to drugs, says if he'd have been a better role model Josh would not be gone. We try telling him at a point in Josh's life he made the decision to use. We exhausted every resource. At the time of his death he was living in an inpatient spiritually base rehabilitation center.i now know after the fact they gave him too much rope. Like approving over night furrows without consulting approval of his probation officer. Not to place blame but had they done that,maybe he would've been at the rehab if looking at an arrest warrant on him.
Our family is devastated we knew he was an addict but still shocked. I sorta "wandered" though life the first couple weeks, but able to plan a viewing/service with A LOT of help. I was even able to share about my unconditional love for my son. In 2011 my best friend of 35 years passed away, she shot herself. I was asked to speak and couldn't, one of my few regrets in life. My niece , 2 of my son's closest friends,one of my husband's closest friends, a friend of my from high school,whom I kept in touch with and one of Josh's baseball's coach's ALL stood and expressed the love in their heart and how losing him will effect their lives and gave direct condolences to the family.For me I think there is denial left, just yesterday when speaking to the cable customer service person about technical difficulties, she asked how may tvs we had I said 4, then I said without hesitation no sorry 3, my son took his when he moved out, I immediately started crying and said no he passed away 2 mos and 2 days ago. Poor woman. She proceeded to tell me she lost her 3 yr old daughter last year when struck by a car. These " moments " as I refer to them can be trigger by something,even a certain smell. Or by nothing. I can be standing in the Isle at Publix looking for a product and it just happens. One night I woke from a dream about my son and to not wake everyone in the house, I sobbed in there about 10 mins with a towel over my mouth to muffle my sobbing. I work full- time,so many times I have a "moment " and have to go to the ladies room and cry. Makes me want to quit. But sometimes I want to quit doing ANYTHING! My family needs the income. We just don't know who we are or how to live our lives without him. For 26 yrs we were a family of 4 .I'm looking for any guidance, suggestions, hear other stories, ANYTHING to move through this process and have some quality of life. My husband and I were at a crossroads before his loss,at first it seemed to draw us closer, now not so much. Our 32 yr. Is self medicating in order to not "lose it" he says. But most likely what he's using killed his brother. They don't fight about, my husband just stays upset / mad . Which is difficult, especially since they work together, we have a screen business here in Florida and my son's works for his dad.
Roberta Annett's Blog
worst time of day
Has to be around dinner time and after, I I didn't not hear from Josh all day, I'd get a call around dinner...what's for dinner ma? I think some nights I think the phone will ring. I start to cry a d do on and off till I fall asleep, I don't know how I sleep, maybe cause he's at peace
Posted on May 22, 2015 at 7:23pm
The day the world changed 4ever
First forgive if I repeat myself, my son's been gone 3 months, I feel like I'm In the twilight zone. Everything foggy. My son struggled with addiction for years. We tried everything, doctors, inpatient, out patient. Then we began thinking HE HAS TO WANT IT OR it won't work. Finally it seemed he wanted it, he was in jail for a vop and found a spiritually based program, that you pd 169 per week. He got out of jail they picked him up, he got saved, drove Pastor s crazy with questions. But…
ContinuePosted on May 20, 2015 at 7:31pm — 1 Comment
The day the world changed 4ever
First forgive if I repeat myself, my son's been gone 3 months, I feel like I'm In the twilight zone. Everything foggy. My son struggled with addiction for years. We tried everything, doctors, inpatient, out patient. Then we began thinking HE HAS TO WANT IT OR it won't work. Finally it seemed he wanted it, he was in jail for a vop and found a spiritually based program, that you pd 169 per week. He got out of jail they picked him up, he got saved, drove Pastor s crazy with questions. But…
ContinuePosted on May 20, 2015 at 7:31pm
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