Kristian
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Kristian is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 6, 2020

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About Me:
I'm 31 yrs old. I identify as a straight male however I am ftm. I have a beautiful wife and two step children.
About my Loss:
My mother passed away just over three years ago. My mother was very sick. My mother was diagnosed with a familial disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension. She needed a double lung and heart transplant. At the time she was diagnosed she was already too sick to transplant. My mom lived ten years with her disease surpassing the estimated 4-6. My aunts and uncles/long time family friend's tell me my mother in her life just never caught a break. She lived through many unfortunate circumstances. She was a fighter, she was petite with the heart and temper of a lion. My mother stumbled a few times in life, as her Cubs we did feel the impact of each trip... While young and without understanding, while battling my way through a foster care system I felt confusion, sadness and resentment. As I grew older and having experienced personal tribulations of my own, with a grateful tone I found forgiveness and I mean the kind that lifts that weight from your shoulders. I was able to express it to my mother and take that weight once and for all off of her. The last four years of her life we became more close then ever before. She knew how much I loved her. I lived a distance from her and having started my own family I was not there the way I wish I would have been. There are many stories but ultimately Bim currently dealing with an incredibly, debilitating at times, horrific amount of guilt. I feel I know the common conception of her not wanting me to feel this way and that she wouldn't have wanted me to stop living ... There are no healing words thus far that eliminates what I'm feeling. Combined with experiencing her traumatic in hospital passing.. I have found myself to have slid down a slope into a whirling cloudy chaotic funnel of emotions and behaviors that I now present as my life. Common feelings of no one understanding and intense ups and downs are regular. I watched some videos on YouTube on grief and got the idea to join a group where ppl may relate on one level or another and so here I am. My ears, mind and heart are here if I am ever sought by someone else. Thoughts are with everyone here. Thanks for having me.
Kristian.S

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Latest Activity

dream moon JO B commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"i miss mom so mush i do"
Apr 11
Susan E Marshall commented on Susan E Marshall's photo
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My husband

"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
Apr 6
Susan E Marshall and William Gardener are now friends
Apr 6
Natasha updated their profile
Apr 5
Angie Rowland joined Rita-Cecile's group
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LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITED loss and grief

Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
Apr 3
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5

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