Esther Ferrari
  • Female
  • South Africa

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About my Loss:
My husband passed on the 15th of May 2011. What happened to Peter is unspeakable, so please excuse me if I do not elaborate. The way I cope is to repress it all, lol...also to see each day as one day closer to being with Peter. I suffer from terrible nightmares and when I wake up, it is to *the* nightmare. My faith in Christ must be what carries me, as I am less than weak...I find it gets worse with time, as I miss Peter with all that is within me...blah blah blah, lol

Esther Ferrari's Blog

"I will rise..."


There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my…

Posted on January 3, 2013 at 2:15pm

"Be my Everything"

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming..God in my watching, God in my waiting..God in my laughing, there in my weeping..God in my hurting, God in my healing



Posted on November 3, 2012 at 6:30am


When my Dad passed from brain took about 3 years to stop the barrage of nightmares, in which I was constantly looking after him, trying to keep him from falling etc as he was so dizzy and unstable on his feet before being totally bedridden. Now I am assailed by the most horrendous nightmares again...the worst ones being where Peter is being kept alive somewhere and being experimented on, and when I finally get to him, he is so relieved that I have come to rescue him, he is…


Posted on October 28, 2012 at 7:42pm — 13 Comments


It has been raining a lot this past week. Too much even. Rather this than a drought. Am so blessed to have a home and warm clothes and food etc. Also that my home is not flooded like so many are! In fact I am very blessed in so many ways. I am not in hospital, have a fully functioning body....yes, I can count my blessings and name them one by one and see what God has done, and never get to the end of it.

Posted on October 27, 2012 at 12:11am

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At 2:07pm on November 26, 2012, michail lalas said…

thank you

At 11:21pm on October 26, 2012, Pamela Manning said…
Welcome to the group. I read your story. It is so hard to talk about what the cruel, evil monster "cancer" has done to our loved one and what we were left with during and afterwards. It just doesn't seem fair that horrible things could happen to such good people. People say to me all the time "Joe did not deserve this." I totally agree 100%. But neither did Jesus. But I do have comfort in know that Jesus was holding my husband in his times of need. I found feathers in our bed before and after my husbands death. I even ask my husband, babe where are these feathers coming from? I said are you getting your wings, joking to keep things lite but I really didn't know how spot on I was.
At 10:51pm on October 26, 2012, Pamela Manning said…
Thank you Esther. It was indeed support to be beautiful. We had looked so forward to the move and getting settled. God had this all planned for us. My husband getting me to my youngest daughter, the selling of our home, and then getting things put away not to clutter my daughters home. We enjoyed a day of relaxing and the following day the walls came tumbling in on us, sorta speak. Within 3 months he was gone. My whole life change in such a devastating way. Now I have to ask myself? What is the new normal? I want the old normal, just to turn back time for a little while. Of course I would never want my husband to ever have to go thru any of that again no matter how bad I want him back. I have not had a chance to read your blog but plan to after this reply. Again Thank you for the nice reply.
At 2:59pm on October 26, 2012, Brenda Ann said…

Dear Esther,

I know that your loss is terrible and unspeakable but it is very important for you to  talk about it even if that is in writing a journal that no one but you ever reads. This way you still can let it out instead of bottling it all up. If you want to talk to a person but do not want your situation and feelings exposed publically you can go to - their website is email based and is never posted publicly. Hope this helps a little anyway...



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I've been so wrapped up in Steven and the love we have for each other that, I forgot to do an entry, yesterday.See More
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Today's Entry

I'm in a somber mood, tonight. I really don't even want to do my journal entry, but I have been doing better with getting an entry done on a daily basis, and I don't want to fall out of the habit just because my heart hurts.My ex brother-in-law was admitted to the hospital last night for smoke inhalation. They were saying that they didn't know if he was going to make it at one point. His trailer caught fire, and he was not aware that his girlfriend Linda had made it out of the window. James had…See More

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