Aaron Hoenig
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  • Independence, OR
  • United States
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Aaron Hoenig left a comment for morgan
"Morgan, thank you for reaching out.  I am so sorry for your loss to.  I agree that no one can understand the loss of a spouse unless they too have experienced it first hand.  It is a unique loss like losing a child.  I feel after…"
Dec 6
morgan left a comment for Aaron Hoenig
"Aaron, Losing a spouse is horrendous.  Those of us who write here have experienced what I never realized was so prevalent before the internet.  The grief.  The pain.  I never could have understood there were this many people out…"
Dec 5
Aaron Hoenig posted a blog post

Today

I joined today to connect with people who may be feeling the same way I am..guilt, lost, alone, scared, angry, and moments of joy when I think about our life together.I recently lost my husband of 26 years,  He was the first and last man I dated and had a relationship with.  He was my best friend, my rock, my love and connection to life.  He showed me how to be strong and independent, but i am not sure I can be without him most of the time.Joining him is not an option!! I have too much of a…See More
Dec 5
Aaron Hoenig updated their profile
Dec 5
Aaron Hoenig is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 5

Profile Information

About Me:
I lost my husband of 26 years to cancer on November 10th.
About my Loss:
It has been three weeks and I still feel it like it was yesterday. Larry had been fighting cancer for almost 20 months when he passed. It was less than a month from the diagnosis from metastasis outside the liver until his passing. He was at home as he wished and I would not give back the experience of being with him through the end and saying "I love you" and kissing him goodbye as he took his last breath.
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Aaron Hoenig's Blog

Today

I joined today to connect with people who may be feeling the same way I am..guilt, lost, alone, scared, angry, and moments of joy when I think about our life together.

I recently lost my husband of 26 years,  He was the first and last man I dated and had a relationship with.  He was my best friend, my rock, my love and connection to life.  He showed me how to be strong and independent, but i am not sure I can be without him most of the time.

Joining him is not an option!! I…

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Posted on December 5, 2017 at 4:55pm

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At 10:49pm on December 5, 2017, morgan said…

Aaron,

Losing a spouse is horrendous.  Those of us who write here have experienced what I never realized was so prevalent before the internet.  The grief.  The pain.  I never could have understood there were this many people out there living life but dying inside day after day if it weren't for these kinds of sites online now.  

Its probably a good thing that you don't want to join him as there are many who don't have that stamina.  I wonder now more often than not why such stigma is attached to suicide when having experienced the kind of pain I have endured from losing my husband seems more understandable when now I have had the same kind of pain someone who commits suicide has.  I have made it this far (four years and 9 months) but the toll it has taken on my body is just a slow death rather than a quick one.  My immune system has ravaged me because I have found it near to impossible to stop remembering him.  And when I remember it pains me to know he is no longer here with me to enjoy life.  I want him back.  I want him beside me.  I don't want to walk alone and I don't want to walk with anyone else.  I want him to come and get me.  I ask him daily to do so. I must be very weak because I cannot get over his death.  I work, I try to sleep I try to eat but bottom line is I have not reconstructed my life other than trying to continue making a living so I can pay my bills.  But joy?  None.  Happiness? No.  Even nature doesn't really bring much more out of me other than an acknowledgment that I need it so I can barely function and avoid hustle, bustle, people and activity.  

Tonight I am on here rambling because I cant even form rational reasonable coherent conversation anymore without just exclaiming over and over how much I hate having to continue this charade.  I'm plain old tired of being an actress.  I want him to come and sweep me off my feet and remove me from this world.  

I can only hope you have a better chance at finding a way to live again. I sure didnt.  

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Profile IconKar-Kate Leung, nat, Ambreen and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
6 minutes ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My brother called me the other day and he said are you ok? There is a twenty year age difference between us, so we are not that close and he lives five hours away. I said to him, yes I though you would…"
3 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Another bad day. I was shopping for Christmas cards and gift bags when without warning, I broke down in tears at the register. Thank goodness the cashier was a sensitive caring person and did not just blow me off. She said "Your Mom will always…"
4 hours ago
Stephanie Coyle joined Courtney Adams's group
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Suicide....Hard Knowing They did it By Their Choice

This is for some of us who have lost someone due to suicide...I miss you Annie!!!See More
13 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda and Morgan. It just hurts so much for all of us."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"((((((morgan))))))"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul, Each of us have memories of a time and day of the death of our beloved.  Mine just happened to come at a time of the year when normally the excesses of celebrating kick into high gear.  Not better not worse than anyone else's…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
yesterday
Peggy left a comment for Dawn W
"Hi Dawn, I saw your posts and wanted to introduce myself.  I'm also in Canada, in Ontario.  I lost my husband suddenly in 2015.  He had cancer but had been given 3 to 5 years and was gone in 8 weeks.  If you'd like to…"
yesterday
kim posted a status
"my beautiful son, its x mas again, ill be with you soon I promise, I love you forever mom"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. "
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same. My love had a comprehensive stroke on 22 December, and died in hospital at 10pm on New Years Eve. Then I went “home” in a taxi amid fireworks."
yesterday
Profile IconAnn Appa, Alison Eley, Hannah and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Paul, I feel exactly like you do, I wish I could sleep the holidays away, I find no joy in them, it's just another day I am being tortured."
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, As hard as it is for the rest of us to endure the upcoming holidays it must be at least doubly difficult for you given the circumstances your husband and you were dealt with.  To everyone here who has put up with this hell for multiple…"
Thursday
Maxey is now friends with Cheyenne Steffen and Pamela philipp
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul,  In particular this time of the year everyone who hasn't lost their love is celebrating.  I used to be one of them. Then one day a long time ago, I took my sick husband to the hospital Xmas Eve day and found out the day after…"
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Count me among those who are looking forward to death after losing my wife. I am absolutely not interested in anything else."
Thursday
B.Windsor updated their profile
Wednesday

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