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5 Weeks---Am I Normal?
Today was a bit of a rough day for me. I am doing my externship for the Medical Assisting program. My energy level was very low, really not interested and watched the clock. I had to leave early cause I just could not stay....Today was 5 weeks since my momma died!
I feel low key, the medications I take keep me balanced. I feel tired, and when I think of momma i feel nothing. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? So much has happened in 5 weeks momma died, i moved to a new apartment, doing my externship every day for school have to do 180 hours and then on Wednesday I have night school.
I feel low key, the medications I take keep me balanced. I feel tired, and when I think of momma i feel nothing. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? So much has happened in 5 weeks momma died, i moved to a new apartment, doing my externship every day for school have to do 180 hours and then on Wednesday I have night school.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Katie Grace on -
I think that the feelings of low energy, numbness, etc. are all normal. You also have to realize that you are going through a lot of changes and have a lot on your plate so its good to give yourself some extra slack because you deserve it. After my mom was diagnosed I went through a series of changes: moving to a new apartment, breaking up with my boyfriend, losing my grandmother, etc. and all I could think about was why I wasn't coping as well as I thought I "should" be until I realized all that I was going through. Its gonna take time and five weeks is not that long at all to adjust to the loss of your mother. I wish you the very best in your journey through this pain and I hope you are as generous and kind to yourself as you are to others:)
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Permalink Reply by Julie Marie Weiss on -
Thanks for the kind words! Yesterday I went to my externship and my preceptor said "Maybe you should work in a different department", "you have alot of memories here". Now my instructor and the people where I WAS doing my externship act like i am falling apart because when I took vitals signs my hands shook. I suffer from hand tremors and when I get nervous it gets worse.
The area I worked in has the physician assistant & medical doctor that took care of my mom and every time I hear there names or see them it rips through my heart. I felt I was doing good and now it seems people feel like I am falling apart it is just harder for me. Why can't people understand this? I decided to quit that externship because of the doctor being there and if my preceptor has negative comments to say about my abilities and I was not given much of a chance to prove my skills. Incidentally, this also happened to another student in my class her car broke down and her husband was rushed to the hospital with a suspected heart attack, thankfully he did not have an attack. His heart is stressed.
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Permalink Reply by Katie Grace on
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I'm sorry to hear that the externship didn't work out the way you had anticipated. I dont know if he thought negatively about you and your skills or was just concerned about you and your wellbeing, you prolly know better than me since I wasn't there. It does seem like there are a lot of triggers for you in that hospital, which is completely understandable, and it may be helpful right now to not be surrounded by all of it. It doesn't mean that you wont make an amazing physician assistant one day, it just means that right now it may be extremely painful to be reminded of your mother's loss on such a frequent basis. Its also hard to remember the positive memories of your mom when you are surrounded by very negative ones. I know you will find what you need and what is best for you to cope with everything you have gone through. The most important thing is to take care of yourself!
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Permalink Reply by Rochelle Kramer on -
All those things you are feeling are comletely normal. Suprisingly enough, when going through something this tragic, we tend to think were crazy. It's been 3 years since my mom passed and there are still times that I get those emotions and feel wut we call crazy. Its not as much now as it used to be. The first year is hard on a lot of levels. Your learning and trying to figure out how to be yourself again. Whatever/Whoever that is. The numbness is expected. Death takes a toll on your body in a huge way, the chemical changes can be scary. The numbness is a way of your body and mind trying to figure out, grasp, what is going on. I am so sorry. There is no manual on how to deal with this. Even though it may not feel like it, from what it sounds, your doing well. Your getting up and trying to live life. It's the most you can do at this point. Just think of it as a journey, its going to be hard, but let yourself see the good in life. I had a friend tell me, shes a psych major, "once you close the blinds, and cut yourself off from the rest of the world, the world will turn around and do the same thing to you. The day you decide to open those blinds, who knows what can happen". Dont give up, you deserve better!
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And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
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