I will never forget at 7:39 pm on April 6th, 2015. I was sitting in my nursing class and she told us that we could stretch out legs and I felt my cell phone in my pants pocket vibrating continuously. I had missed calls and messages from my husband, my mother (who is divorced from my father) and my father to call asap. I called my father and he informed me that my beautiful step sister Cassie had hung herself......... I instantly dropped to my knees. It felt like I had been kicked by a horse to my chest. She had been struggling for a year with drugs and in her suicide letter she stated "her demons won". For the past 6 or so years me and her mother did not get along, so I had separated myself from that side of the family and in return I lost the close relationship with Cassie that I once had. It was to the point that she did not come to the wedding. I think of her everyday, and how I wish I was not so stubborn and would have been there more. Maybe if I was there she would have had a big sister to shadow and I could have protected her from this life that she had. I did not get to say good bye

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Worst Documented Day of my life

On the 1st of July 2020, I watched my life take her last breath. My life was and in many ways still is about my mother. I have never felt more lost and empty than I do now since she left. Fast forward to the 4th of October and I attempted suicide. I was unsuccessful unfortunately. I still don't want to be here but I'm forcing myself to live because I mean I wake up everyday so clearly God isn't ready to accept me into his kingdom.Until then nothing about life feels okay. I really miss my mom.
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