I want to speak. To get up there and tell everybody how perfect she was.
To share the story of our lives.
But not only does this church her mother chose frown on eulogies, I don't know if I can hold it together to speak.
I feel moments from a panic attack.
I want everyone to know howmuch we loved each other. I want to honor my wife's memory.
I just don't know if I can do it.

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My kids each wrote something and were able to say it in front of a big audience, I think because they were still in shock. I wrote down what I would like to say and had the Rabbi read it for me, because there was no way I could do it. I took Ativan just to get through it without passing out. I have no help or support of visits from 99% of the people who came to the funeral. So, just do whatever makes you feel ok, Your wife knows all of your feelings and love, and other people don't matter. 

Jason,

I hear you!  There is no way I could have held together to speak at my Sweetheart's memorial service.  The Catholic church also frowned on eulogies.  I wrote what I wanted to say, printed copies, and placed them inside the programs that I had printed.

Do what you can.  Don't worry about doing any more.  No one there is hurting like you are hurting.

Prayer to you Jason.

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