I have lost my beautiful sister Tonia on 21/05/2011. She suffered a heart attack at 36 yrs.. She was my sister my best ever mate my real soul mate... we has such a special and close bond - she was living in Greece and I am Singapore she was my lifeline for any trouble worry,advice chat on phone..The call came on my name day when I was celebrating my name day with my 4 yrs old twins and hubby.. I juts could not register - it was so unexpected.. we only had briefly spoken the day before - we could not wait to be linked for summer we were due to go Greece for 3 months on 08 June.. we bothe could not wait... she was so ectastic to see the boys... she adored them in some ways more than myself.. she was the only relative they recognise and would happily stay with.. I could not wait to be withe her and hadn out as I hardly made any friends here in singapore... I could not believe - booked myself the first flight and rushed back to see her...I had not seen her or touched since July 2010.... I did not want to let go of her,,, I am shattered...every day is getting worse and worse.. my beautiful sis gone.. I was hoping that seeing my boys again would cheer me up somehow but I feel even worse knowing that they will never get to known her. I even feel resentful that my husband sister will be their auntie now whereas my beautiful sister who lived for them will not not here or be forgotten..I am alomots envious... sounds silly but cant help feeling so sad when I look at my boys...I miss her so much -- I thought I was coping ok while in greece but now feel like I am breaking down more every day...We are still going back to Greece for summer - need to support our mum and dad who are broken... this summer for which we had so many great plans is now a nightmare.. we had plans to grow old together but I am left alone..she was my best friend.. I never needed to make any firends as I had her... I look at her photos so beautiful fresh alive and cannot accept that she is gone.. for a week while in greece I wanted to rush back in the grave and take her out.. she looked almost alive so fresh so sweet so clam like she was sleeping.. I desperately want to see her in my sleep I want to know she is fine I would do anything for just a day with her to hold her again... I love my To.. sorry about the rant I am just crippled with the longing for her....how can start again to enjoy my little ones to keep at bay my envy towards others...??

Views: 57

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Your feelings are quite normal.  It's good to "rant".  What helps me is journaling.  Just writing my feelings helps me release the emotion.  It's ok to experience emotion.  It took me a while to learn that.  Surround yourself with people that will support you.  If you need anything just send me a message.

RSS

Latest Activity

Profile IconM Ferruzza and Analucia joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
3 hours ago
Profile IconAnalucia and Toya D Robinson joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
3 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Dream Moon, I hate the big C also."
17 hours ago
Georgette Benson added a discussion to the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband
Thumbnail

Widow as a newlywed

When i got married March 25th 2019 was one of the Best days of my life i was marrying the man of my Dreams,My best friend,My soul mate. Even though it was one of the happiest day of my life but it was also a sad day.Because i was marrying the man of my Dreams knowing that i only had a little time left with him. He was diagnosed in December of 2018 of stage 4 lung and kidney cancer that day was one of the worst days of our lives. I thought but when the time came and he took his last breath that…See More
yesterday
Georgette Benson replied to heathert's discussion a letter to my king in the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband
"My condolences i know your pain all so well. I just lost my husband 7/9/2019 to cancer an im exactly where you are with my grief."
yesterday
Georgette Benson joined Debbie's group
Thumbnail

"Till death do us part", a letter to my husband

How do I begin to thank you for the life you have given me. A life that included 4 loving children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and memories that will last forever.We had more then the romantic love we had when we first met almost 40 years ago. That fades with time. Through the ups and downs, fights and reconciliations, laughter and tears we had something more. We had true love, commitment, trust, and most importantly we had friendship. Since 1975 we have been together to celebrate every…See More
yesterday
Georgette Benson is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"i no i get wk mometns ido but trynin 2 stayy strongg is not is a eayss thng 3 fo o iyd oy "
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"so sorry on yore loss u can olnly do it wen u reddyy i no i had a loto of set bacs i di d but we all difnro peplee we is i no in 2018 i fondmy slf goin 2 spirtlastt churchh for ansesrd in steds of try  to seak medims lk a fe wpeplee do on…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bigc i hateeeeeeeeeeeeee lozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz coz of big c im 44 sean somushh siffin sorry if im rantin justt i need 2 let go coz of big c lpluss othr illness 2 i do "
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i do not luv bigc now iv fw mro frinds its got termil big c sum few yrs oldr thnme just undr 50  few peppel weari livs gotbig c' wish i cud shoot big c lk dem/ALZ in to md of nowear sp no 1 cud get it'"
yesterday
Lisa posted a status
"I lost my brother in-law who really was my brother for 39 years 9 weeks ago tragically and suddenly on his holidays while kite surfing"
Wednesday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bless you Morgan.  You say it all."
Wednesday
Lisa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband.  You put into words what I cannot express. "
Tuesday
Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
Tuesday
Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve.  I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever.  I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
Monday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service