My nephew died suddenly on 09/07/2021.  He was in the shower then headed to his barber.  According to the barber Ryan never showed up.  My sister and Ryan's girlfriend got to the house around 3:00pm and found him dead in the shower.  So Ryan died around 12pm instead of 3pm.

I got to the hospital as fast as I could, but he'd already been pronounced before arriving to the hospital.  We got to visit with him for a couple of hours but he still had a neck brace on and intubation tube in. He looked like he was sleeping.  No bruising, no blood.

His first autopsy came back inconclusive because he was a healthy kid.  Of course there were some people that said that it was probably drugs or suicide but none of those people really knew the person Ryan was.

Last week we got the results from the 2nd autopsy with a preliminary cause of death as myocarditis.  A virus that attacked his heart which caused the electrical part of his heart to stop working causing his death.  Myocarditis is also known as Sudden Death Syndrome.

I know I should feel better now knowing the cause for us losing him WAY too soon but I don't feel better.  Dying suddenly doesn't mean dying instantly.  Was he aware of what was happening to him?  Was he in pain?  Did he call out for help?

I'm in therapy but it's slow moving.  I loved this boy more than anything and was looking forward to watching him build his future.  He had it all planned out.  We lost a family member.  His girlfriend lost her future and his best friend lost a person he considered a brother.  We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently.

I just want him back.

Views: 180

Attachments:

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

That's horrible; I'm so sorry.  I agree with your last sentence: "We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently". Hopefully you, his parents, other family members, his girlfriend, his best friend, and his other friends, can all rely on each other for support.

It's been hard to support each other because we don't understand the others grief.  My sister, for instance, makes it clear that she's grieving the most because she was his mother.  I tried to explain that what she says is true but it doesn't mean I love him less, just different.  I may only be "the aunt" but, I helped raise Ryan and mold him into the man that he was so it hurts when she says I can't possibly understand her grief.

When people are grieving, especially deeply, it's difficult for them to understand how difficult the loss of the person is to others who loved her/him as well. From what you've said, you probably understand more than anyone else what your sister is feeling, since you were like a second mother to your nephew. I wouldn't recommend arguing or discussing about whose grief is "worse", as that serves no one -- as much as possible, it's good to just turn to each other for comfort.

RSS

Latest Activity

Benny Avina posted a discussion

Moving Through the Seven Stages of Grief

When a heart breaks, you’re left gasping for air. After a while you seem fine, yet fall apart unexpectedly at random moments, sanity seemingly forsaken. There’s a saying that when a heart breaks, it cracks to allow golden love to shine through onto others. Do you see the value in going through this?It may not feel like it now, but grief is an honor. It is an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much. It teaches you compassion, gratitude, resilience, and the importance of grabbing life by…See More
10 hours ago
Jessica is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
12 hours ago
Yavonne Brooks is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Roslyn replied to Roslyn's discussion learning to cope with my loss
"Hi Enza This is a very early response to your email I know, but my sister is arriving today for 2 or 3 days.  I have to admit to being nervous.  First time having someone stay since I lost Pete. Plus, she will be sleeping in the bed he…"
Monday
V. R. replied to Roslyn's discussion learning to cope with my loss
"Hi Ros, I hope you're not getting too much rain. We are yet again going through a period of persistent rain since yesterday morning and apparently will continue for the next few days. I thought England was bad! The tomato crop went OK, would…"
Monday
dream moon JO B replied to Carol Sue Tracy's discussion Too many deaths
"yep i get it loss mom to dem/copd cud not get in to sea her coz of cov 19 ruless in 2021 loss my uncle jon in 2021 bothh of thm 6th mnths aprt  so mushloss in lastt 30 yrs or more shud say loss of 47 yrs omy life coz i am 47 "
Sunday
Carol Sue Tracy commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Multiple Losses Group
"Is this group active?"
Sunday
Carol Sue Tracy joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Sunday

© 2022   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service