My nephew died suddenly on 09/07/2021.  He was in the shower then headed to his barber.  According to the barber Ryan never showed up.  My sister and Ryan's girlfriend got to the house around 3:00pm and found him dead in the shower.  So Ryan died around 12pm instead of 3pm.

I got to the hospital as fast as I could, but he'd already been pronounced before arriving to the hospital.  We got to visit with him for a couple of hours but he still had a neck brace on and intubation tube in. He looked like he was sleeping.  No bruising, no blood.

His first autopsy came back inconclusive because he was a healthy kid.  Of course there were some people that said that it was probably drugs or suicide but none of those people really knew the person Ryan was.

Last week we got the results from the 2nd autopsy with a preliminary cause of death as myocarditis.  A virus that attacked his heart which caused the electrical part of his heart to stop working causing his death.  Myocarditis is also known as Sudden Death Syndrome.

I know I should feel better now knowing the cause for us losing him WAY too soon but I don't feel better.  Dying suddenly doesn't mean dying instantly.  Was he aware of what was happening to him?  Was he in pain?  Did he call out for help?

I'm in therapy but it's slow moving.  I loved this boy more than anything and was looking forward to watching him build his future.  He had it all planned out.  We lost a family member.  His girlfriend lost her future and his best friend lost a person he considered a brother.  We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently.

I just want him back.

Views: 52

Attachments:

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

That's horrible; I'm so sorry.  I agree with your last sentence: "We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently". Hopefully you, his parents, other family members, his girlfriend, his best friend, and his other friends, can all rely on each other for support.

It's been hard to support each other because we don't understand the others grief.  My sister, for instance, makes it clear that she's grieving the most because she was his mother.  I tried to explain that what she says is true but it doesn't mean I love him less, just different.  I may only be "the aunt" but, I helped raise Ryan and mold him into the man that he was so it hurts when she says I can't possibly understand her grief.

When people are grieving, especially deeply, it's difficult for them to understand how difficult the loss of the person is to others who loved her/him as well. From what you've said, you probably understand more than anyone else what your sister is feeling, since you were like a second mother to your nephew. I wouldn't recommend arguing or discussing about whose grief is "worse", as that serves no one -- as much as possible, it's good to just turn to each other for comfort.

RSS

Latest Activity

Heidi Lee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
21 hours ago
Diana, Grief Recovery Coach and Tara Loomis are now friends
yesterday
Mary-Ann Murray joined Kar's group
Thumbnail

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
yesterday
Emanuele Radosta and Rosie are now friends
yesterday
Luís Silva posted a discussion

Death bureaucracy

When my father died - he was a victim of a violent crime - me and my family went through hell. But, from all the bad things, the memories from the funeral arrangements still linger in my thoughts. The bureaucracies: my father's siblings discussing if he should be buried with their parents, the "open coffin" decisions...etc.I'm not sure if I resent any of the options we made, but it's only me that comes back to these death bureaucracies? Does anyone also have similar experiences? It seems so…See More
Thursday
Profile IconLuís Silva, Sanju Rao, Mary-Ann Murray and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Sanju Rao commented on Gale Brunault's group Loss of an Only Child
"Is there an online support group for survivors of the loss of an only child which meets on a weekly or monthly basis? My Aunt and Uncle have lost their only child - a 19 year-old son - and they are in such pain... we need help"
Thursday
Sanju Rao joined Gale Brunault's group
Thumbnail

Loss of an Only Child

As bereaved parents we must deal with unique issues that accompany losing an only child. See More
Thursday

© 2021   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service