I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the darkness for the past 7 years. Since she has passed my stepdaughter and stepson arnt speaking to me. Im alone, with my own sorrow and guilt. Im still working amongst all this virus scare and people ask me why im not worried about it. Its because if I get it maybe I will be able to see her again. Im so tired, mentally and emotionally. I feel the darkness closing in day by day and no one seems to care. 

Views: 203

Attachments:

Replies to This Discussion

Shane,
I'm sorry all that has happened to you. People here care, and we know what it's like to feel so alone. Are your stepchildren actually children? If so, they are likely having a very difficult time dealing with their mother's death, and should be taken to therapy. If they are adults the same may hold true, but in that case it's their own responsibility.
Have you considered therapy for yourself? Or perhaps speaking to a spiritual advisor, if you have someone like that and if you feel it would help you.
I'd recommend continuing to come here, as well. I have found it helpful.

Daughter is an adult and married. Son is a senior in HS but is autistic. Son is staying with his fathers mom at the moment. 

With this virus stuff going on most therapy options are on hold for now. I contacted my doctors and they have put me on medication to help. As for spiritual leaders, I don't know if I can right now. Im so angry and frustrated with God as well as angry and drowning in guilt myself. Sometimes I wish someone would give the virus to me, that way It wouldn't be suicide and I can leave this hell and see my wife again. Then I think of my family back home and the kids, making me feel even more guilty for not wanting to be here anymore. I just don't understand how God can keep me here after ive done so much bad stuff in my younger years and attempted to take my life not once but twice, but can take someone so good. 

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service