Weathering the Storm

Our pastor talked yesterday about weathering storms and how God creates these storms just for us. Only we can get through them. Other people who have been through similiar curcumstances can help, but we have to figure out with the help of God, how to stay afloat. The problem is people don't want to see my grief. They want me to say that I am doing ok. Well, I'm not! I'm angry and sad and don't understand why my Dad died so suddenly. I dread the holidays and just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head and grieve. Instead I put on my happy face and go throughout the day. But, I'm not really hiding it. It seeps out....lack of patience, yelling at the kids, doing things without really feeling! I can see the anger and sadness affecting my kids. I feel empty and just don't have much to give my family. Who do I lean on? None of my friends have lost a parent. They don't understand!

I reread this and wonder if this Is really me? Does God really thing I can get through this? Ever have those moments when you are doing something or going somewhere and all of the sudden you think, "How did I get here, am I sleep walking?". That has been me for the past couple of months! God must have said "ENOUGH" and snapped me awake. If God thinks I can get through this, then I pray that he shows me the path to healing and acceptance. I would like to add understanding, but does anyone ever understand the lose of a loved one?

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Comment by Allan on November 26, 2009 at 12:35pm
Dear Cindy,
Oh my! I guess I don't believe that God causes storms just so we can weather them. That would mean that God created my daughter and then made her die just to see if I could "weather the storm." Perhaps that's the way one pastor explains and deals with loss and grief, but that would not be helpful to me at all. Could anyone honestly believe in a God like that?
Yes I believe that God does help us find a way to walk through the valley of the shadow of death - but the promise is not to be removed from the valley by simplistic answers or just willing yourself to feel better. Of course you hurt. Of course it affects the way you relate to your family. Until you are allowed to embrace the feelings as a result of your loss you wont work through your grief - it seems to me. And telling someone that God has willingly afflicted them by making a loved one die to test them just doesnt sound true to those who believe in a loving Deity. Thanks for sharing.
Peace, Allan
Comment by Laura Villarreal on November 23, 2009 at 10:59am
Cindy, you have expressed in words what I have been thinking about all morning! While I am sure your pastor meant well this is way beyond any storm I have known. I feel like I have fallen into an abyss and clawing my way out! Each time I make any upward progress I lose my grip and fall back again!
One year ago I was sitting in my daughter's living room with her planning the Thanksgiving menu; she was killed on Memorial Day of this year. (she lived in North Pole, AK and I flew in from San Antonio, TX; she was my only child) I have told my family point blank that I will not be participating and some actually could not understand why! Since her death I have mostly isolated myself from those who think "I should be over this by now".
Lean on us; we all share the common bond of grief...if you haven't already done so please consider joining the I love my Dad group on this website. There you will find others who are coping/grieving the loss of their dad.
I have found more support and understanding on this website than anywhere else. With all my heart I believe you will too. At this moment in time I consider the holidays to be just another day without my daughter with the exception of Christmas. I always told my daughter that Christmas was not about the gifts but about the birth of Christ.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Laura

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