Our daughter Samantha died on May 6, 2018.  She was a healthy, vibrant 29 year old woman.  She was hitting stride with her career and loving her independence.   She fractured her ankle on April 13th.  Autopsy showed that she had a massive pulmonary embolism as a result of blood clots from the fracture.  

We are broken.  My husband and I recently retired and live 3 provinces away.  Our son, Danny and Samantha shared a house together.   Danny found Sam in her bedroom, gone.  

How do we continue without her?  We spoke, texted, Skype daily.  We have support, but this situation is so hard.   I feel unearthed, waiting for normal.  I know we will all continue on, but finding happiness and joy in life seems unfathomable right now.   

We had a celebration of life for her and over 400 people came.  She was loved by so many in her short time here.  Her friends contact us regularly, and I welcome that.  Our son is now staying with us (temporarily) and I find myself panicked when he goes out.   He is 28 years old and has not lived with us for a number of years.  I don't want to smother him, but want him right beside me all the time.   

I lost my parents within 11 months of each other.  Losing our daughter is nothing like my parents.  Samantha did not get to live the life she was working on.  She should have had a fantastic career, expanded her education, found love...so many undone things.   I try to make sense of it all, but there is no sense to be made.  She is gone and everyone who knew her, their lives are forever changed.   They were also lives that were enriched by having Sam be part of their lives.  

How do we follow this new path, and where will it lead us?   I hope that one day I will be able to talk about my daughter with the pride and love I hold in my heart and not cry for what could have been.  I want to be proudly open about the phenomenal accomplishments she achieved in her short time here.  I don't want to cry about the...what if?.   I want to celebrate the...you did it!   

This is the beginning of our journey, without our daughter.  The first step to start our new 'normal is to find our path.  Perhaps Sam, you can lead us.  

We love you Sammy and will miss you forever.  

Views: 44

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by M Adams on June 12, 2018 at 12:31pm

Dear Lori,

how terrible to to lose your daughter this way -- you and your family must be reeling in shock and disbelief.   Good to think about her with pride and love, but it's also important to let yourself grieve -- the loss is so devastating and so recent, don't feel you have to rush yourself into a mode of celebration.  In my own experience of bereavement (my husband died suddenly) I eventually found some solace in spending time with people whose lives had been enriched by knowing him -- just hearing other voices speak his name with love helped me.  Hope that may help you as well, and also that you may get some comfort from this site.

Latest Activity

Christopher replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You had half your soul ripped out... basically. Of course you're going to struggle. Most folks just don't get that because they are still fine. They have not been so deeply wounded and have nothing to compare your struggle to. When I…"
54 minutes ago
Christopher joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
54 minutes ago
Christopher joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have a rollercoaster. Some days I am fine alone, others I simply need a wife to love on and make stuff for and ask her opinion. That's just how it is. I don't get a choice and folks who constantly tell me "get over it, it's…"
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have the same experience and have talked to others who experience likewise, so it's a general fact regardless of age or gender. That's just how it goes. We'll be here, off and on. Hopefully."
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have to look forward or I just want to lay down and die. My son needs a dad. He needs a mom too but I can't find a woman who will step up and do that for him. She died when he was 5 so he didn't know her well. He has not had a mom since…"
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"Make something new. Marvel at it.Do it again. Repeat as necessary. It helps."
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"Just got here. Widowed at age 28. It took 18 hours from healthy wife to no more wife. That was nearly 8 years ago. She wanted me to move on and I wanted the same for her if I went first... strange that we had the conversation mere months before her…"
1 hour ago
Christopher posted a status
"Need a wife, preferably one that has a place and isn't a workaholic. It's time to start again. No more loneliness."
1 hour ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The dr from the hospital talked to my therapist.  I didn’t get any more answers.  I am convinced they gave up on her and since I did nothing, I’ll never know if she could have been helped.  I can’t fathom why I acted…"
2 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I feel for you Brett if you are fighting all this alone. A big hug from India.  Last few days were really guilt stricken for me as I was at my hometown and all memories of my mother's treatment were refreshed and it really pains.  I…"
4 hours ago
Profile IconKim and Joeann joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
7 hours ago
morgan and Crystal Parker are now friends
15 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It only rains here when I want to go to the pool. I am worried about Bluebell as well. I think she would have chimed in by now if she was feeling well. I had a selfish moment today. I actually have a lot of those. I was at the store and I started…"
16 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everyone is doing well still have not heard from Bluebell it’s raining here today I hate weekends when it rains very depressing and boring hope to hear from everyone soon"
23 hours ago
M Adams left a comment for Shari Darling
"Dear Shari, strange, I had and continue to have similar problems regarding what to say about myself in this context, but somehow I stumbled here after my husband's death and it has been helpful.  Just reading of bereaved people's…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth.  Linda"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014 I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't…"
yesterday
Shari Darling updated their profile
yesterday
Profile IconShari Darling, Christopher and Tara Gibson joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service