Pennywyze's Blog (16)

Kinda Early

I'll be back in a few hours. It's awfully early to be posting...g'night. 

Added by Pennywyze on January 31, 2021 at 3:49am — No Comments

OH BOY!!

I was going to ask the members of this website to answer some questions, but as soon as I started getting myself ready to write, those questions went out the front of my brain 

I'm still working towards getting a website setup for the books I'm in the process of writing;…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 30, 2021 at 5:50pm — No Comments

Loving After Loss

LOVE AFTER LOSS

For me? 

The idea of love between a man and a woman was NOT one I had very much faith in. I said, "My brain and my heart are on 2 different pages.  My brain said 'Don't fall out of the habit of being…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 29, 2021 at 2:19pm — No Comments

Thanks for being there

I really appreciate having somewhere I can go talk with others about my loss, and there's absolutely no judgement.

Thanks for being there for me. 

I'll be back tomorrow, but I wanted to say thanks. 

Added by Pennywyze on January 28, 2021 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Grieving My Friend

Wayne,

My friend, it is just as hard to believe you're gone, as it is for me to believe Jeremy is gone. When I look at your picture, I still have to remind myself that you are no longer here. I have to tell ya, when I remember that you have passed on, it feels like I've been lied to. But I think that's because we knew each other for so long. That, and the fact…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 27, 2021 at 9:32am — No Comments

WHY??

Why?

I will never understand why people are so caught up in themselves that they have to make something a friend is going through about them. 

Why does Niki always have to make things about her? She lost the love of her life 15 years ago. She has gone through the process a lot longer than I have. She is 4 days younger than I am, she's supposed to be my sister. She cannot even read an email I sent, and not…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 25, 2021 at 11:54am — 2 Comments

Tired of Crying

I've been working through the grieving process, more in the last 3 months than I have been able since Jeremy passed, and I'm extremely tired of crying. From the beginning, because of the fact that I was homeless, I would not allow myself to cry. When I did, I would force myself to dry it up. There was just no way I was going to allow people to prey upon me any more than they already were so, I did not cry very much for very long. 

People didn't know what to…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 24, 2021 at 7:19am — No Comments

Extremely Hurt

  I'm extremely hurt, right now. I've had not only a best friend, but a little sister for, over 30 years in a woman named Niki. Her real name is Jennifer, but I don't call her that. I have known her since 1993. We've had our sisterly spats. We've both lost our husbands; she lost hers almost 15 years ago; I lost my husband not even 2 years ago. With that in mind, I would like to let y'all know how much audacity she had,…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 23, 2021 at 5:43pm — 3 Comments

Can you?

Can you really ever recover emotionally from the pain of losing someone you love? Can you smile once more without feeling guilty? Can you see yourself with out them?



So many times, people tend to get stuck in their grief simply because they don't know how to move forward after losing someone they love. Every once in a while, we come upon people who seemingly never appeared to be affected by a loss. Then, there are those who have no other choice, but to mask our pain at all times so,… Continue

Added by Pennywyze on January 21, 2021 at 10:08pm — No Comments

Missed yesterday

Oops! I missed doing a journal entry, yesterday. I got lost in my writing and forgot.

Added by Pennywyze on January 20, 2021 at 2:04pm — No Comments

Some quotes

Today is the first day of the rest of your life - Unknown

This was something my mom used to have hanging in our living room, and since Jeremy passed away, it's something that is very close to my heart. Why? I'm still trying to sort through my heart and soul for the answer. 

There are so many quotes I never paid attention to when I still had my husband and our life together. However, since the day he died, a lot of those quotes have made their way into the…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 18, 2021 at 4:00pm — No Comments

Jeremy's accident

I've decided that I'm going to write my blog/journal entry in my Google Drive app, and then post it here because quite frankly, there's nothing like being in the middle of a sentence, deep in thought, and having your phone lose your spot because your hand caused the phone screen to rotate accidentally.

 

Today is gonna be another one full of tears. I'm going to take a guess here, and say, "It's probably going to be…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 17, 2021 at 4:09pm — No Comments

This year

I have no idea how I'm going to remember Jeremy this year. I didn't get the opportunity to do anything for him because I was homeless. There is no grave, he was cremated. I know one thing though, my boyfriend is awesomely cool with my grieving my husband. On May 5, 2019, I said goodbye to Jeremy for the last time during the rest of my time here on Earth. My best friend, Sarah, lost her mom on May 7, 2019Which, ironically, was the day…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 15, 2021 at 2:32pm — No Comments

Journal Entries

I've been working on my 3-book novel series, which is something else I have been doing to keep my mind busy. The other distraction I've been trying to adopt has been coming here and posting a journal entry once a week. The problem has been that I continually forget. So, I'm going to make an event in my calendar on my phone to post here on a daily basis. 

Added by Pennywyze on January 13, 2021 at 8:59pm — 3 Comments

My Journaling Habits

I've never been the kind of person who was on top of a daily entry in a journal. So, if I don't journal every day, I will be more deliberate about making an entry at least weekly.

I'm posting this, and starting a new blog/journaling post, immediately after.

Added by Pennywyze on January 8, 2021 at 12:10am — No Comments

The unfortunate fact about the last 20 is:  On February 7, 2019, I lost my father. 2 months and 2 days later on April 9, 2019 I lost my husband, best friend and soulmate, Jeremy. My nephew Keith was…

The unfortunate fact about the last 20 is: 

On February 7, 2019, I lost my father. 2 months and 2 days later on April 9, 2019 I lost my husband, best friend and soulmate, Jeremy. My nephew Keith was murdered in December of 2019. In March of 2020, I lost my dad's sister, Beth. On April 13, 2020 my friend and ex fianceè, Wayne passed away. Wanna talk about trauma to the fullest extent? I was under the impression that death comes in threes. Yeah right. 

My father…

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Added by Pennywyze on January 4, 2021 at 9:26pm — 1 Comment

Latest Activity

David Drumb commented on Amy Reed's group Losing a spouse and dating again
"I lost my beautiful wife 4 months ago I still grieving. We was married for 31yrs. And the thought of starting over i ask myself how can I do that.without feeling guilty in my mind that would be like cheating. Starting over to me their would be trust…"
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David Drumb joined Amy Reed's group
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Losing a spouse and dating again

I lost my spouse 16 months ago. Have gotten into a new relationship but he lets me grieve openly. I have a2 year old daughter. Also I am 26See More
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dream moon JO B commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"doin a memryy box for mom lk i did for my dad i fond a oldd recit bill off 1981 off a butlinss holiday "
6 hours ago
Profile IconKandace Platts, Ramya Mohan, Julie and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"i no im bac 2 wear i wz in 2012 2012 2012 i wz  num disbelif angr denil juts watin on my slf hlp cds to gt in pots so i dmy fd do mistaks i did wen dad died  it nal proof thy neededin my brosrs goj  nuts evn mics nt typun on me me its…"
Tuesday
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"thnx i no in 2020 i wz abot to calllass it spookss churchh to lrn on medshipp on how 2 cop on premnistnss so on but cov 19 took it way took i not bean avl 2 hug her sinse 2020 or kiss her sisee 202t way on preserss mpmtss on mom losss tim i can not…"
Apr 11
Diana, Grief Recovery Coach commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"I'm sorry for your losses Jo.  I agree, our Mom and Dad are our heroes.  We miss them terribly when they are gone. I talk to mine even though they are gone.  Perhaps they hear me.  We never really know for sure but I believe…"
Apr 11

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