I am in great turmoil over the (life and) death of Michael Jackson. I've been a fan throughout the years, but not die-hard. I really only paid attention when he did something artistic, I was too self-absorbed to engage his controversies and scandals with my mental energy and time. Now--in the wake of his death--I cannot stop thinking about him and I cry and rant about him more than any other loss in my life to date. I did not know Michael and I don't understand from whence my posthumous obsessive interest in him arose, but I know I'm upset. I feel his death is a great tragedy and I irrationally want to reverse it. I'm not sure if I'm truly grieving or only obsessing, but he's on my mind all the time and I'm often upset. It's been over five months and I just don't know why I'm still thinking about him and am unwilling to let go. It's exhausting and depressing.
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"I thought celebrating my mom birthday would make it easier. It was fun to celebrate but I still feel the loss. Downs are not as bad as they use to be but I still have them around anniversaries dates."