I lost my Mom February 24, 2016. It's was the worst day of my life. Mom had rheumatoid arthritis for more than twenty years. She took a medication called Methetrexate and it destroyed her kidneys. She had been in 4th stage kidney disease for about four years when she went into the hospital on Feb. 17, 2016. She went in with shortness of breath and they discovered she was in afib. By the next day, they had her heart back in rhythm and she was supposed to go home in 2-3 days but through the night her blood pressure dropped severely and caused her kidneys to completely fail. It also caused septic shock.She went to ICU on a ventilator and stayed there for five days before she died. It has been a little over a month and sometimes I still feel like she's coming back to me. I still find myself talking to her all the time. I tell her I love her multiple times a day. I kiss her picture and her wedding ring that I now wear. My mom was the best friend I ever had. She loved me and my kids with absolute unconditional love. There was never, ever a time when she did not have time for me or any member of our family. Mom loved the Lord and loved her family with all her heart. Those were her priorities and nothing else mattered. I felt that love my whole life. I still do in a different way because she will always be with me in my heart and looking over me. The most difficult thing for me is finding a way to live without her in my world. Nothing really seems important anymore. Nothing is quite right. I have a loving and supportive family in my Dad, husband, siblings and children but its not the same as what I had with my Mom. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
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Oh Lisa, Memorial Day hit me hard, too. On Monday I woke up with super swollen eyes and a sinus headache from bawling my head off.
Lisa, I can promise you that with time, it honestly will get easier. My mom is the first close family member I've lost, and we just never (my bros and I) never envisioned that our mom would precede our dad in death. He also never thought she would, either. My sister-in-law (one of my brother's wives) lost her mom in a similar way 3 years ago. She's been an amazing support person for ALL of us, especially for my dad. She's like a sister to me. So it will get easier as time passes. Again, I can only day this now after having gone through it. Like you, I was very, very close to my mom. Ugh, now crying. Here is something a friend told me when my mom was dying: it has to do with the circle of life, but he said that without a doubt, the worst suffering any person can go through is losing a child. My parents had three kids, and I'm the oldest. Though they nearly lost my youngest brother when he had a motorcycle accident, they never had to suffer through the death of one of their kids. For that, I am thankful. So in essence, losing my mom sucked. I suffered greatly. But knowing my parents never had to undergo the greatest suffering of all time did help me to accept her dying and death a bit easier. So when she was literally dying, my brothers and Dad were throwing out bargains with God left and right. My only "bargain" was this: "If you can take my mom so that she doesn't have to suffer for long, I will take on any suffering you give me. Take hers away and give it to me. That's all I ask". She passed within the half hour. I was incredibly strong and helpful for my brothers and my dad and my kids and their cousins. I never imagined myself in that role, Lisa. I always thought I'd be such a crying, anxious mess that I wouldn't be able to leave my room, let alone attend her funeral. I was stronger than I had any idea I was. I'm positive that I inherited THAT from my mom. I stayed and took care of my Dad for over a month after Mom died, and I helped him through his grief. The day after her funeral was their 50th wedding anniversary. My own family (except for my youngest son) had gone back home after the funeral, but that day with my dad was filled with both sorrow and joy. A
Late that afternoon, my brother and sister-in-law and my nieces brought dinner out for all of us. Though we were grieving, my dad most especially, it helped him to have some of his grandkids there.
I added you as a friend, but if you want to email me directly, here's my email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or you just need someone to listen, hit me up. You're in Wisconsin, right? I'm in St Paul. I hope this weekend is an easier one for you. I'm definitely still grieving, no doubt. Your loss is much more recent than mine; I imagine you are, too. It will be easier with time, Lisa.
Hi Lisa. First time on this site, hope I'm doing this right. I'm also a married mother; I have 2 sons. My mom died on September 25, 2015. She was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer on September 14, and died in the hospital 11 days later. Her funeral was the following Friday. The day following the funeral was my mom and dad's 50th wedding anniversary.
I live in the same state was my parents, but am about 4 hours away drive time. After Mom died, I stayed "up north" with my dad for a month and a half. My mom had been his primary caretaker for many years. He was not in great health when Mom died. He and my mom had lived about 15 miles south of the city, on 80 acres of land. No neighors and they didn't farm; they just liked living in the country. It's where I grew up. My dad needed 24/7 care at the time of my mom's illness and subsequent death. My brothers and I talked with my dad about his moving to an assisted living facility in the city so that he could get the help and care that he needs. So my reason for staying with my dad after Mom died was to take care of him, to help transition him from my care to that of my brother and sister-in-law and the assisted living facility, and to help him through his grieving process. So though my Mom died in September, I didn't grieve (my body and mind didn't let me) until I went back home to my own family in mid November. For some reason, I thought that grieving, for me, was different. Like I honestly thought that my way of coping my my grief was to be a strong and supportive person for my dad, my youngest brother, and my kids and my nieces and nephews. I was so very wrong! The first morning I woke up in my own bed, grief hit me like a tsunami. Now I know exactly why people describe grief as coming in waves. It is incredibly painful. It does get better with time, but I still miss my mom soooo much. Like you, I talk to my mom as if she were right there with me. I talk to her when I'm driving alone in my car. A few times I've picked up my phone to call my mom for advice, or to see what she's up to, or to share a funny story about her grandsons with her. And then grief hits me again. Some days are good, and some days (like today) are really tough. I feel like I should be done grieving and I also feel like my husband and my brothers are beginning to lose patience with me as I'm still sad.
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