"Kelli, it sounds like your children are very young and just don't have the capacity to understand death. A few things that came to my mind I've heard about others in your situation doing is to have them write a letter to her. You could…"
"Hello Everyone, It's been a long time since I posted last. I'm doing well actually. I'm juggling a lot of responsibility as normal but emotionally I think I'm ok. I miss Mom always but time really has helped ease the pain and…"
"As the holidays approach, I think we all cringe a little knowing we have to go through them without our moms. Last year, was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas for me without Mom. My sister and I found a way to keep Mom's traditions and…"
You couldn't be more right. My Mom kept me grounded all of my life in more ways then I ever imagined. Now that she's gone, I struggle to stay grounded but somehow I am. My Dad developed dementia from extreme grief after mom passed…"
So many things you talked about in your most recent post helped me to put some things in their proper place and realize that my feelings are not unique in that you too are feeling some of the same things I am. Thank you so much for sharing…"
I'm glad your medicine helped you some. Talk to your doctor if it's not helping a lot. They may be able to adjust the dosage or even the type. There are several available and everyone's body is not the same. I look at it like…"
"Thank you Brett. I took Abby to see Dad last Saturday and it was such a nice reunion. He was not as excited as I thought he would be but that's ok. Abby sat right beside dad the whole time and dad rubbed her head and talked to her some. He…"
Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age.
My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me…"
"Oh Shellie, my heart goes out to you. I lost my Mom Feb. 24, 2016 so I am coming up on one year. I can't imagine the hurt of losing a Mom could be any worse than what I've experienced but I guess there are circumstances where it certainly…"
"Hello Olive. This may sound very strange but welcome to our club that none of us ever wanted to be a part of. The loss of my Mom has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. The good thing about this site is that all of us truly do…"
"Anna, your story brought tears to my eyes. Many of the stories here do but they also bring comfort somehow. How heartbreaking that your mom passed so close to Christmas. This will be my first Christmas without my mom and it will be a hard one. We…"
I completely relate to how you are feeling. I don't think anyone has put it into words any better than you did. I too have a husband, kids and pets and extended family that I see fairly often. I work everyday and attend my kids…"
I lost my Mom February 24, 2016. It's was the worst day of my life. Mom had rheumatoid arthritis for more than twenty years. She took a medication called Methetrexate and it destroyed her kidneys. She had been in 4th stage kidney disease for about four years when she went into the hospital on Feb. 17, 2016. She went in with shortness of breath and they discovered she was in afib. By the next day, they had her heart back in rhythm and she was supposed to go home in 2-3 days but through the night her blood pressure dropped severely and caused her kidneys to completely fail. It also caused septic shock.She went to ICU on a ventilator and stayed there for five days before she died. It has been a little over a month and sometimes I still feel like she's coming back to me. I still find myself talking to her all the time. I tell her I love her multiple times a day. I kiss her picture and her wedding ring that I now wear. My mom was the best friend I ever had. She loved me and my kids with absolute unconditional love. There was never, ever a time when she did not have time for me or any member of our family. Mom loved the Lord and loved her family with all her heart. Those were her priorities and nothing else mattered. I felt that love my whole life. I still do in a different way because she will always be with me in my heart and looking over me. The most difficult thing for me is finding a way to live without her in my world. Nothing really seems important anymore. Nothing is quite right. I have a loving and supportive family in my Dad, husband, siblings and children but its not the same as what I had with my Mom. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
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Oh Lisa, Memorial Day hit me hard, too. On Monday I woke up with super swollen eyes and a sinus headache from bawling my head off.
Lisa, I can promise you that with time, it honestly will get easier. My mom is the first close family member I've lost, and we just never (my bros and I) never envisioned that our mom would precede our dad in death. He also never thought she would, either. My sister-in-law (one of my brother's wives) lost her mom in a similar way 3 years ago. She's been an amazing support person for ALL of us, especially for my dad. She's like a sister to me. So it will get easier as time passes. Again, I can only day this now after having gone through it. Like you, I was very, very close to my mom. Ugh, now crying. Here is something a friend told me when my mom was dying: it has to do with the circle of life, but he said that without a doubt, the worst suffering any person can go through is losing a child. My parents had three kids, and I'm the oldest. Though they nearly lost my youngest brother when he had a motorcycle accident, they never had to suffer through the death of one of their kids. For that, I am thankful. So in essence, losing my mom sucked. I suffered greatly. But knowing my parents never had to undergo the greatest suffering of all time did help me to accept her dying and death a bit easier. So when she was literally dying, my brothers and Dad were throwing out bargains with God left and right. My only "bargain" was this: "If you can take my mom so that she doesn't have to suffer for long, I will take on any suffering you give me. Take hers away and give it to me. That's all I ask". She passed within the half hour. I was incredibly strong and helpful for my brothers and my dad and my kids and their cousins. I never imagined myself in that role, Lisa. I always thought I'd be such a crying, anxious mess that I wouldn't be able to leave my room, let alone attend her funeral. I was stronger than I had any idea I was. I'm positive that I inherited THAT from my mom. I stayed and took care of my Dad for over a month after Mom died, and I helped him through his grief. The day after her funeral was their 50th wedding anniversary. My own family (except for my youngest son) had gone back home after the funeral, but that day with my dad was filled with both sorrow and joy. A
Late that afternoon, my brother and sister-in-law and my nieces brought dinner out for all of us. Though we were grieving, my dad most especially, it helped him to have some of his grandkids there.
I added you as a friend, but if you want to email me directly, here's my email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or you just need someone to listen, hit me up. You're in Wisconsin, right? I'm in St Paul. I hope this weekend is an easier one for you. I'm definitely still grieving, no doubt. Your loss is much more recent than mine; I imagine you are, too. It will be easier with time, Lisa.
Hi Lisa. First time on this site, hope I'm doing this right. I'm also a married mother; I have 2 sons. My mom died on September 25, 2015. She was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer on September 14, and died in the hospital 11 days later. Her funeral was the following Friday. The day following the funeral was my mom and dad's 50th wedding anniversary.
I live in the same state was my parents, but am about 4 hours away drive time. After Mom died, I stayed "up north" with my dad for a month and a half. My mom had been his primary caretaker for many years. He was not in great health when Mom died. He and my mom had lived about 15 miles south of the city, on 80 acres of land. No neighors and they didn't farm; they just liked living in the country. It's where I grew up. My dad needed 24/7 care at the time of my mom's illness and subsequent death. My brothers and I talked with my dad about his moving to an assisted living facility in the city so that he could get the help and care that he needs. So my reason for staying with my dad after Mom died was to take care of him, to help transition him from my care to that of my brother and sister-in-law and the assisted living facility, and to help him through his grieving process. So though my Mom died in September, I didn't grieve (my body and mind didn't let me) until I went back home to my own family in mid November. For some reason, I thought that grieving, for me, was different. Like I honestly thought that my way of coping my my grief was to be a strong and supportive person for my dad, my youngest brother, and my kids and my nieces and nephews. I was so very wrong! The first morning I woke up in my own bed, grief hit me like a tsunami. Now I know exactly why people describe grief as coming in waves. It is incredibly painful. It does get better with time, but I still miss my mom soooo much. Like you, I talk to my mom as if she were right there with me. I talk to her when I'm driving alone in my car. A few times I've picked up my phone to call my mom for advice, or to see what she's up to, or to share a funny story about her grandsons with her. And then grief hits me again. Some days are good, and some days (like today) are really tough. I feel like I should be done grieving and I also feel like my husband and my brothers are beginning to lose patience with me as I'm still sad.
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"Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift. How? Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.
My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to…"
"joe that is incredible.
thanks for the time and energy sharing.
i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me.
for me this week has been hard.
1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to…"
""As the years are passing I feel the need more and more."
When I read some of you guys suffering so long, it gives me great fear that despite my health neglect, and legal preparations, I don't know when it will actually come to…"
"I read your words and it brings me to my knees."
I keep asking God to let me go many times a day. I tell Him/Her/It that I will never relent until my prayer is answered. I ask my love to keep asking too and have…"
"Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together.
Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love…"
I read your words and it brings me to my knees. I so want to join my husband. As the years are passing I feel the need more and more. I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we…"
"Pamela, you are grieving for your mother. You may not be able to see it but I can. My father was horrible. I did not grieve his death. I barely gave it a second thought. You are grieving your mom, and you are grieving the way things were. The advice…"
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die. Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that…"
I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people…"
"I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever…"
"Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a…"
India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want.
Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. "
"Agreed, Daylight. I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state. But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months…"