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About Me:
45, strong marriage of almost 20 years, 2 wonderful preteen daughters, "classroom parent" type homemaker, very focused on trying to ensure my girls are properly launched. (and don't resent being born as I do...) My husband is an incredible person and I look extremely together and successful on the outside (over compensating and perfectionistic) but cope with chronic emotional sadness, self-sacrificing, and deep seated rage on the inside. Main coping mechanism is humor, things can ALWAYS be worse so there's typically humor to be found somewhere in everything...

I deeply identify with ghetto music about poverty, violence, domestic abuse, and pain and I listen to that while working out to find escape. I think it's my socially acceptable form of how teenagers cut themselves to bring the pain to the surface... Instead of blood, I cry and sweat it out, often at the same time.

Lots of severe "white trash" dysfunction in my childhood with unstable parenting and violent home life. Various types of parental abuse and perversion, death, suicide, alcoholism, "going into hiding", witness to animal abuse, and poverty issues throughout childhood/youth, the consequences of which continue to reek havoc with me and my 2 siblings. I am the middle sibling, each has a different father. (both siblings became drug addicts and prostitutes among other things) I was the most resilient and emotionally astute and adopted the "together/saver" role even with my mother for as long as I can remember. Although my mother did not feel school was necessary, I went to college and became viewed as "successful" by everyone other than myself.
About my Loss:
Feeling very alone with my atypical "anticipatory/disenfranchised grief" issues. I assume my situation is FAR too unusual for mainstream support but I'll give it a go nonetheless.

My little sister is going to be one of those old women you see holding a sign begging for food in busy intersections, but only if she isn't raped and strangled to death first.

She has been a prostitute since 17 and a drug addict since probably 14. She considers me the closest thing to her mother although I'm only a few years older. My 6 year old niece was just taken away by child protective services. I probably won't have a lot of contact with my niece going forward, although she was more like a daughter than a niece. (I even potty trained her) I had put them in a townhouse and have been financially supporting them for the past year but can no longer afford to. This is the 3rd time I have supported my sister financially for an extended period of time. I was hoping she could focus on being a better parent and earn money a different way if she attended therapy, had access to proper pharmacology, and was relieved of all financial stress. I discovered she could not. So now my niece is in a better place (with the dad) but my sister is going back on the streets. I feel she is mentally ill, completely socially unskilled, and very immature. (like a badly screwed up 14 year old living in a 38 year old body) Bad genes, abusive childhood, and the effects of decades of drug use and traumatic lifestyle make her a force to be reckoned with on every imaginable level. Her priorities, values, and belief systems are so bizarre I often feel we speak different languages. I am so sad for her plight. I am mentally saying goodbye and my heart is breaking to think of how someone can be so hopelessly broken as to not be able to properly fill out a form or even be able to refrain from biting the hand that feeds you. (a primal survival skill) I know you cannot save a person who is this screwed up plus hell-bent on choosing the worst decision at each and every last opportunity. So I need to stop diverting my emotional energy, time, and money away from my family.

So am I grieving the impending "death" of a sister, a daughter, a niece, a grand daughter, the child i remember her as before she became so destroyed, my identity of having the ability to save my family...? All of the above i guess.

I will cut off all communication with her as it is just too painful and masochistic and furthermore entirely pointless. Except I know death well and at least with death you get the benefit of knowing they are no longer suffering. So this is worse than an impending death. It's like giving up on a family member who lives in a POW camp or someone who has been a missing person for years but her body has not been found... your mind haunts you imagining all the suffering that they might be enduring at any given moment...

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Lori is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Emily joined Megan's group

Grieving Teens

This group is for anyone who lost their parents at a young age. I lost my dad to cancer a week before the start of my senior year. It's been difficult. Quite frankly it sucks. Lets join together and get through this crappy time.
18 hours ago
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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"Hey There People, most of the comments look kinda old here... Are they?"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, losing your mom is hard enough. When you also lived with her that takes it to a whole different level because you didn't experience the natural separation that other adults do. That's sure what happened to me. I lived with my mom and…"
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Lia Lynch commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you everyone. My mom had refused to see doctors for seven years; she feel ill, finally went, was diagnosed with Stage IV metastasized cancer in her throat, lung, and liver, went directly to hospice, and died less than 4 weeks from the initial…"
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Lia,  So sorry for your loss.  Similar to others, I can understand your pain. I wish comfort to you but I know it is not easy. Please take your time.  All people, I was travelling so could not post for long. This is to tell that I…"
Geri commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Everyone, This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the…"
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you Layla Richards. I was very religious before my husband died, Then after his death I started searching why we have to go thru such pains and was looking into everything. Then after reading the Bible, the Torah, the Koran and more religious…"
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Pamela, So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing."
Suzy Tatz commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self…"
Suzy Tatz joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That is some great advice Ofir Rifo. Also, bluebird, something that helped me a lot was reading through the thousands of stories contributed by individuals who had a near-death experience or received an after death communication from a passed loved…"
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia I am so sorry for your loss. Bluebell"
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hello Bluebird. I always remember you and wonder how you are doing since the last time I wrote to you for the first time when I found this blog. It has been a while and I was hoping by this time you were doing better. Please understand that you will…"

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