Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Sandrw Mentiply posted photos
40 minutes ago
Sandrw Mentiply left a comment for Felicia
"Good evening  Felicia how things are getting better for you.Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile.If you need someone to talk to any time am here for you.some times it helps to talk to another person and you will feel better am a good…"
48 minutes ago
bluebird commented on joanne's blog post No Title
"joanne, I feel much the same as you do. I would like to ask you a question about your dream; if it is too painful to answer, please feel free to ignore my question. But I am wondering if your feeling in the dream was that your partner was saying the…"
7 hours ago
bluebird replied to Cecilia's discussion heart broken for my husband
"Many people here, including me, understand.  My husband and I never had children (another sadness in my life), but he also died very suddenly, and while my family (parents, sister, brother-in-law) are wonderful and love me (and I them) very…"
7 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"It is ridiculous when people say shit like that (that your dead loved one "would want" you to be happy, etc.).  YOU know what he would or does want better than anyone else, just as I know what my husband would or does want better…"
7 hours ago
bluebird replied to Mel Royer's discussion A Visit!
"That's wonderful; you are very lucky."
7 hours ago
Sue Sedia replied to Jay's discussion I have no one left.
"I can only say I really relate to this on so many levels. I hope you new counselor will be more helpful."
9 hours ago
JO B replied to Sue Sedia's discussion 6 months later, I feel like it just happened.
"its finly hitin hom sue i wish i cud go 2 2011 wear my lig wz ok my dad wz aliv i flt saf i did nw im nervs wec u cud say very nervs wec cnt stp shakin on/off  i feal lk kid its cryin in seasid or parkc i cnt fnd my daddy its wot i feal lk lk…"
10 hours ago
Mel Royer posted a discussion

A Visit!

Like everyone on this site, I have been going through hell since my wife passed away, April 29th, 2015.  The past few weeks it has gotten worse until last night.  It was the middle of the night and, as usual, I was making numerous trips to the bathroom. Then for what amounts to 2 or 3 seconds, I saw directly ahead of me, standing at the bedroom door a vision. She was vivid to my eye and stood stock still. She appeared to be wearing the same type of hospital gown that she passed in. She said…See More
11 hours ago
Diane left a comment for Diane
"Its been 7 months since my mom died Shes always on my mind missing her. Im still sad at times. I know shes ok shes in heaven."
12 hours ago
Sue Sedia replied to Sue Sedia's discussion 6 months later, I feel like it just happened.
"I'm sorry you are having a hard time as well."
14 hours ago
Jean Dueno updated their profile
15 hours ago
Dee added a discussion to the group I miss my Mom!
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Lessons in the Aftermath of Mom"s Death

It's been about 15 months since my mom died after battling colon cancer that metastasized and spread quickly.Mom's courage and faith were extraordinary. She seemed to provide us with some final lessons about life and people in the final months of her life.I miss her so much - her optimism, love of family and her persevering spirit.Since her death, my family and I have to deal with some difficult things with my stepfather. He remarried within 8 months of her death and tried to manipulate us into…See More
17 hours ago
Dee joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
18 hours ago
Jill E commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I am a total wreck! Got the box of stuff from my b***ch of a daughter-in-law. Sent me over the edge. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to wrap myself in his clothes-I want to put them away somewhere safe. I see them I cry uncontrollably.…"
yesterday
Jesse's Mom commented on Jesse's Mom's group Signs from Our Loved Ones
"Cato, I noticed your comment today. I am not on as much but wanted you to I read your note. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. JO B,, How wonderful you received the gift of a dream. They are treasures indeed."
yesterday
Jesse's Mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Jill, I don't understand either. Not at all. "
yesterday
Jesse's Mom left a comment for Sue Sedia
"Hello Susan, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I read your story and thought I would give you these links. My sister is disabled, and I helped her get her disability benefits. If you have always been disabled, you may qualify for benefits from…"
yesterday
JO B replied to Sue Sedia's discussion 6 months later, I feel like it just happened.
"im so sorry abot yor losss  im disbld pesn 2 i am i no im goan loz my chld hud hom i am wish gt me terfd u cud say its wear iv bean saf sisne i wz a kid but mums demsa getin wors u cud say im terfid of bean pt su wear i dnt no  i dnt ev n…"
yesterday
julia bobbitt replied to Ellen Paciella's discussion Anyone else going through the pain of losing a sibing? in the group Losing a sibling
"I love the quote you posted.I feel this way everyday."
yesterday

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