Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

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kim posted a status
"I wish he would call my name everyday, I can smell him everyday in his clothes,i still pray to go with him."
1 hour ago
Zell commented on Anthony R's status
"Wish I could offer some real solution Anthony...I gave up relying on sleeping tablets after 3 would not knock me out. Some of these tips I found work...to a point.  Reality is the shock and adrenalin from loss messes with our brain chemistry…"
2 hours ago
Anthony R posted a status
"Unable to sleep emotions and more emotions"
7 hours ago
Connie K commented on kim's blog post my baby
"Yes Kim, I believe he was there and will always be there when you call for him. When in our deepest and most vulnerable state , we lose our ego long enough to hear and feel them. Your prayers were answered. It is true. It is hard to live with and…"
10 hours ago
Kathy Jenn updated their profile
10 hours ago
Anthony R posted blog posts
12 hours ago
bluebird commented on Marty's blog post Horrible Day
"I'm sorry. It's that way for me, too."
13 hours ago
Hunter_Xoxo and Stehanie Loughmiller are now friends
14 hours ago
Stanley Ruiz left a comment for dawn larvan
"MY NAME IS STANLEY AND I LOST MY GAY PARTNER  AND it is  ONE YEAR AND TEN MONTHS AND IT STILL HURTS AND I STILL CRY BUT WE ALL HAVE TO BELIEVE IN GOD AND PRAY. YOU MUST CRY DAILY AND ASK THE LPRD TO HELP YOU.WE HAVE NO CHOICE .I WILL PRAY…"
17 hours ago
JO B alexio and Anthony R are now friends
18 hours ago
bluebird commented on Zell's blog post I never considered HIS grief
"Exactly, Zell -- we cannot not feel what we feel.  And I get offended when people say things like "You know he wouldn't want you to be unhappy like this" -- of course I know that, I know him better than anyone in the world, in…"
18 hours ago
Zell commented on Zell's blog post I never considered HIS grief
"I agree with you Bluebird - we cannot not  feel what we feel. We loved them so much.  And yes - it IS unfair. I will never try to convince you of God's existence - I can only speak from my own experience and conviction. I…"
21 hours ago
Marty commented on Anthony R's blog post a good day for the most part
"I'm so happy to hear this. Baby steps, that's what they keep telling me, and this was a big one for you. You need to be there for that young girl, hard as it is, on your time schedule. I think Lacy would be proud. Good job!"
21 hours ago
dawn larvan replied to Zell's discussion I cannot live without the love of my life in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Hi zelda I'm dawn and my fit healthy beautiful sexy husband passed away in front of my eyes 8 weeks ago just said he felt funny and drew his last breath and like you have this horrible image in my head so I've surrounded myself with his…"
21 hours ago
kim posted a blog post

my baby

today july 28 at 4 in the morning  for the first time in almost 9 months, I heard my son,  as clear as if he were standing here he called me  MOM  I had been up since 1 a m I just could not sleep,  I went out front to sit on the veranda, it was raining hard and I just talked to shawn, begging him to talk to me in my dreams and crying hard.  my pills were not working but by 4 they started, I went back to bed and just started to drift when I heard him  say   MOM. I wanted so bad to  go with him,…See More
22 hours ago
Connie K commented on Kimberly's blog post Couldn't Stop Crying
"Hi Kim  Those times are the loneliest but you need to release that pain. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish I could be there with you and hug you tight so you understand you are not alone in this journey. I know it doesn't lessen…"
23 hours ago
Marty posted a blog post

Horrible Day

Usually it hits me in the evening, the realization that he isn't coming home. That's when I cry, rant at God, ask everybody I know in heaven to help me get through this. Today it is only 10:00 a.m. and I am already in my evening stage.It is just going to be a horrible day. Can't focus on anything to get it done, doesn't really matter anyway. What's the point? On days like today, nothing matters except that I am alone. This "time will heal" stuff isn't working. I don't expect to be "healed" but…See More
23 hours ago
Kimberly posted a blog post

Couldn't Stop Crying

Just cried for over 2 hours, that type of cry I call an "ugly, howling" type of cry. I wish I had someone to sit with me when I cry like that. Don't have to say anything, do anything, just be with me. Being alone and crying like that makes it feel so much worse. When will the pain go away???See More
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Melissa T and Teresa D. are now friends
yesterday
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"i am so mad god i scream god why did u steal evry 1 off us if we steal we end up in jail or so on"
yesterday

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