Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

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This is me with Carol Ann and my mascots.
1 hour ago
Elizabeth posted a status
"Feeling a little better today."
1 hour ago
Elizabeth replied to Elizabeth's discussion Another day without Carol Ann.
"Today I am not feeling so utterly devastated. I had some tears this morning and I am still having to force myself to do any thing . It seems like so many things remind me of Carol Ann. I watch old holly wood movies allot and the ones shot in the…"
2 hours ago
bluebird replied to Elizabeth's discussion Another day without Carol Ann.
"I hope you are feeling a bit better now.  {{{{{hugs}}}}}"
6 hours ago
bluebird replied to Zell's discussion Anybody here on anti-depressants?
"You're very welcome.  If you trust your doctor, you might want to consider taking the anti-depressant as well, at least for a while.  I doubt I will ever take an anti-anxiety med again, but like you, if I do, the sexual side effect is…"
6 hours ago
Wendy (Boabie) replied to Madison Martinez's discussion bottled up. in the group I Miss My Parent(s)
"I am sorry about what you are going through. We all have to grieve. It's natural and healthy to grieve. Even if your coach doesn't want you to grieve you still will. It is in our human nature to grieve the loss of our loved ones. I will…"
8 hours ago
Sara commented on Jessica Granantowski's group Sole Survivors
"I lost my mum and dad by the time I was 24. I'm 49 now and lost my only sibling 9 days ago. It's very strange to be the sole survivor of my birth family."
10 hours ago
speakvic updated their profile
14 hours ago
Zell replied to Zell's discussion Anybody here on anti-depressants?
"Thank you so much for your input Bluebird.  I was taking something for anxiety, but my doctor insists that I need a good anti-depressant too.   As for the known side-effect it is a big reason why I did not want to take it in years past,…"
16 hours ago
Connie K commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Vasanthi - it will be hard but also familiar and sweet to be among Shreya's things. Since Daniel still was living here, I am in his room often and it is difficult to let go and change anything but slowly I am able to. But I always find that I…"
16 hours ago
Vasanthi S commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Lynn Williams thank you, I know I am going to India with a feeling that my son will somehow be there and what you say is right , that it will be healing but I also know I have to look at what happened straight on and know that he won't be…"
19 hours ago
Vasanthi S commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Taylor's mom, So nice of you to share. there is nothing like 'butting in' and I felt a little relieved too as I also used to be very sympathetic and now I realize that I don't know the first thing about sympathy because that…"
19 hours ago
Zell posted blog posts
19 hours ago
speakvic posted photos
19 hours ago
kim commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"connie, im so sorry  you have to go through another one, please know im here for you.  take care  hugs  kim"
20 hours ago
Taylor's mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hi Vasanthi, I just wanted to tell you that I feel the same way as you about death since I lost my child. Other deaths don't compare in the slightest. That is something that almost bothers me because I used to be a very empathetic/sympathetic…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to Zell's discussion Anybody here on anti-depressants?
"I am not on anti-depressants now, and have never taken medication for depression, but I have taken medication for anxiety disorder. I took Zoloft for a few years and that helped a lot, then I took nothing for a few years, then I found that I needed…"
yesterday
Lynn Williams commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. Life doesn't make sense to me anymore. Vasanthi just being home on Shreyas's birthday surrounded by his possessions and his love will be healing. Realizing we will never hold our children in…"
yesterday
Vasanthi S commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"So nice to hear from you all. Kim the pain is torturous isn't it? Like Connie, I do believe that opening one's heart will get answers. When we are in some much pain I know its difficult to think of anything else. But slowly you may feel a…"
yesterday
Zell replied to Zell's discussion Anybody here on anti-depressants?
"Thanks Annette.  It does help set my mind at ease a bit.  I am really struggling and crying so much it is making me ill, I suffer eye infections and even battle to control my emotions at work, so in order for me to cope with the daily…"
yesterday

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