Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

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Latest Activity

kim posted a status
"god how I hate waking up, and feeling the unbearable pain day after day"
12 minutes ago
Wander posted a discussion

I can't do it anymore

It's been fourteen weeks, five days, since my precious husband left. I know that's a drop in the bucket compared to some, but it's an eternity in hell, as far as I'm concerned. I can't do this any longer. I just can't. People keep telling me it will get better, but it doesn't-- it just gets bigger, and he gets further away. I cannot bear it.Everyone tells me I'm strong, I'm doing it, I can keep going, I can "be strong for the kids." But I can't. I don't want to. It hurts too, too much.Every day…See More
20 minutes ago
Wander replied to Ivis Diaz's discussion Lost in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I am so, so sorry. It's not fair, not in the least. It wasn't fair that my precious husband was taken three days after his 40th birthday, leaving me and our three kids to struggle one without him... It's not fair that any of us have…"
1 hour ago
Connie K replied to lissa ann tucker's discussion Lost my son
"Dear Lissa Ann  I am so very sorry for your loss. I t is the hardest grief to deal with. I lost my only child, my son Daniel 19 months ago in a tragic accident. He was 17. The suddenness of it is devastating. I still so want him to walk in the…"
2 hours ago
kim posted a status
"my husband has gone to help a friend today all I have been doing is crying, and begging my shawn to come to me"
3 hours ago
Linda commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"for all of us, we need to find our inner strength in order to find peace. "
6 hours ago
Adrianne Edgerly commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I hate that I found this site. Because I never woukd have had I not lost my son. I'm grateful for all of you though. I'm sorry we need each other and glad we have each other. This sucks. Don was the love of my life. 3 years lost August…"
11 hours ago
Jean replied to lissa ann tucker's discussion Lost my son
"One day at a time. At first one minute at a time. Be gentle with yourself. I lost my mother last year and it still hurts everyday. There is a huge void in my soul now."
13 hours ago
Sandi posted a discussion

Thank You

Thank you for your heartfelt replies. It seems that as each day goes by the harder it gets. The little things like balsams seems to reduce me to tears. I always loved the library but we did it together. Just driving by the library breaks my heart. Today is 4 weeks since my husband left me. I had a dental appt with a new dentist & I was beside myself when he said what my appt next week would entail. Because of my terrible fear of the dentist my husband came with me & held my hand. Stupid…See More
13 hours ago
Jean replied to kaye patterson's discussion soulmates
"It has been a year and a half since my mother passed away. I was her caretaker here at our house where she has a room. I still cannot go into her room without breaking down. Today I thought maybe I should get rid of everything including the house…"
13 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to Ivis Diaz's discussion Lost in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"ivis im so sorry for yore loss is not fair 2 hear kids 2 pass "
20 hours ago
Profile IconJenny Renn, Lisa Kaplan, Amanda and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
23 hours ago
kim commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"thank you linda,  but I stopped believing him when he took my life away"
yesterday
Linda commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"even though we cannot fully understand God's plan we must never lose sight of Him. He will give you the wings to fly or carry you if needed. Please try and keep the faith, it's actually gotten us this far if we think about it. I personally…"
yesterday
Danielle McEwe replied to Ivis Diaz's discussion Lost in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Never let the fear of how you believe it will make others fell affect how you deal with your grief. No one knows what you are feeling but you, even if they feel as though they may. I will never know your grief from losing your son, I will only know…"
yesterday
kim commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"when we lose our child, I feel theres nothing more to live for, I cant move on, sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I hate when people say the  ( D )  word, my shawn just went away, to where he can heal. but  my heart will never…"
yesterday
Sharronm55us commented on anne's blog post The different me
"Huggles and thank you for the positive and uplifting sharing of your life. "
yesterday
Vasanthi S commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Gale, It is not an easy process and takes a long time to feel we can give away the last of what ties us to our beloved children. It is a tearing , an abrupt end to what we perceive as the last links to our children. I think that if we dont want to…"
yesterday
Ammy commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Have not been posting, but I think of you all every day and I try to keep up with the posts.  There are no words that haven't already been said on here and no feelings that haven't been expressed.  I find every day the same and…"
yesterday
Connie K commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thank you Linda. I am praying for you in your effort to keep your grandchildren. I hope it all works out for the best for everyone. hugs"
yesterday

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