Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Sara Schwartztrauber commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I think that the shock of losing my husband and the anger at my stepdaughters is wearing off and allowing me to really feel the pain of losing my husband. I forced myself to go to his grave on Thursday for the first time. They couldn't get his…"
5 minutes ago
Sara Schwartztrauber commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I finally forced myself to go to my husbands gravesite on Thursday. His stone is not set, and I didn't want his grave to be bare, so I ordered a plaque with his picture and his name. I took lights and wind chimes and flowers and did my best to…"
24 minutes ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2--So why have I fallen so far into the hole?  Anyone's guess will work.  I am pretty much convinced at this point that that at my age, no biological children, an estranged stepdaughter, no diety, family that are living their own…"
43 minutes ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1--Sorry to sound so defeated.  I have pushed forward for quite awhile now.  I did it through the first year.  I trained a new gal for y position, packed up 35 years of living, sold our home without an agent and moved 1700 miles…"
44 minutes ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been an especially hard day. Lots of tears and very unproductive."
51 minutes ago
Dianne M. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Survived month 3....Cried and cussed and felt miserable but I did survive."
1 hour ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Within a period of 6 wks - It was a professional that killed my Mark. It was a professional that prescribed his brother the wrong meds and damn near killed him. It was a professional that prescribed me antidepressants which made me even more sad and…"
1 hour ago
tiffiny replied to Ellen Paciella's discussion Anyone else going through the pain of losing a sibing? in the group Losing a sibling
"Hello. My name is tiffiny. I lost my only little brother Feb. 4, 2014 to a car accident. Yes grif is different for everyone. Some people like to yalk about it and others don't. I am still trying to deal with it, but this site has helped me a…"
2 hours ago
Richard G commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan That is a long time. Have you tried any professional consolers? I used professional help to get me through the grief of my first wife. It is not uncommon for people to get stuck in grief but when it happens it usually takes outside…"
3 hours ago
Mark commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I am sorry you have fallen back into the abyss.  Most days I spend pushing through them like a drone.  Moving and doing what is expected of me, filling the squares required by the tragic loss.  Those are the worst. But, I…"
3 hours ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard- It has been two years four months and two days since my husband died.  How long would you say it is going to take for it to get better?"
3 hours ago
Richard G commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"m morgan - Hi, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in that abyss. I've been there many times it is the worst place in the world. When I find myself so deep in the grief pool that it is all I can do to breath I tell myself that I…"
4 hours ago
Richard G commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Tildyc - My first wife comes to me in dreams every once in awhile. She didn't do that till about a year after she died. But I know when she comes she is really there and not just my imagination. Her visits give me great hope that Cherie will…"
4 hours ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today I fell into the abyss.  It was deeper and darker than it has been in quite awhile.  It seemed to have been building the last couple of days. It's like all of a sudden the grief is worsening.  I ended up in bed all day. I…"
5 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard- I too have voice mails that I've have listened to and it was extremely painful. I also have a video on my phone of him and I walking our dogs in the woods. I even have an hour long accidental recording of us on my phone just conversing…"
8 hours ago
kim posted a blog post

the pain never ends

im sorry I have not been on for a long time, for those that are new im truly sorry for your loss, to my friends that I have made in here I still feel your pain. I have not been doing to  good health wise, but I really don't care any more, I still pray every night to be with my son shawn. I cry morning noon and night, I feel my pain will never end, the emptiness, the darkness is so unbearable.to feel as lonely as I do is no way to live. I hope with all my heart you are all doing a little better.…See More
8 hours ago
Richard G left a comment for Fran
"Fran, I am happy that you find hope in my story. I personally wonder if I will ever be able to love again. I know that I have a lot of love to give but I'm so afraid of going through this again. I find myself grieving for both of my spouses.…"
9 hours ago
Tildyc left a comment for Trina Mamoon
"Hi Trina- I've re-read and re-read your post about your visions and communications with your Joseph. I find hope in what you have shared. It's actually contributed, (along with other factors I've researched and my own personal…"
10 hours ago
Tildyc left a comment for Trina Mamoon
"Hi Trina- I've re-read and re-read your post about your visions and communications with your Joseph. I find hope in what you have shared. It's actually contributed, (along with other factors I've researched and my own personal…"
10 hours ago
JO B alexio commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"bg c is evil i wish thy cud get rid of big c coz of all loss we had coz of it"
10 hours ago

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