Debbie Varga
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  • Ste. Genevieve, Missouri
  • United States
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Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, I am sorry that your dad's symptoms were overlooked. I would feel the same way you do in your shoes. I know that my stepdad also knew something wasn't right, that he wasn't well. But, he was too proud or stubborn (don't…"
Feb 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Kirstine, Sorry I haven't been online in a while to reply. I envy you your tears. My therapist has assured me that my tears will come. I have cried a little bit, shorts little bursts of tears, but I am either interrupted by my kids, or work,…"
Feb 10, 2010
Marsha "Marcy" Welch replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"We missed it too with my Mom. She had fought the battle with cancer three times, and the fourth time, it somehow slipped past us, AND her doctors. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was wrong. She stopped eating and her skin…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"to make things worse today my husband's friend said his mom has had the exact same cancer that my mom has for 10 years but the chemo has kept her alive all this time, like I wanted my mom to keep doing (the chemo), so the should have/could…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I've got the opposite problem, I can't stop crying. I guess we all deal with things differently. I am going to try to find a therapist myself, I think that is a good idea. I just need someone to vent to. Like you, I miss my mom so much and…"
Jan 31, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Andrea, Don't beat yourself up with the could have should have's. I feel the same way. My mom's doctor wanted her to continue chemo back in August b/c he said it was working, but my mom and step dad decided that she was going to stop…"
Jan 31, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Kirstine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly, I know. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. The last week of his life, my dad was in a lot of pain. The medicine helped but then he was so out of it. It was very…"
Jan 29, 2010
beverly ann and Debbie Varga are now friends
Jan 29, 2010
Kirstine Rushing replied to Debbie Varga's discussion How did we miss the signs? in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I just lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer on Friday. We too missed the signs, in fact there were none until she complained of a bad back ache almost 2 years ago. She never smoked and was very healthy, had blood work done and everything came back…"
Jan 29, 2010
Rochelle Kramer commented on Debbie Varga's blog post How do I post a profile photo?
"go to "my page" click on the picture of the flower (where u profile pic should be) and it will take you to a page where you can upload one. If that doesnt work. Look to the left side of your page and where it says "manage" click…"
Jan 27, 2010
Debbie Varga updated their profile
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted a blog post

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?
Jan 23, 2010
Debbie Varga posted photos
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"Jennessa, I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us…"
Jan 12, 2010
Debbie Varga added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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Emotions in a Jumble

My emotions are all jumbled up right now. I just had the one year anniversary of my grandma's death (my biological dad's mom) on Friday. The one year anniversary of my grandma (mom's mom) is this Friday. We just got through the 'first' of several significant things since the deaths of my grandmas and my stepdad (who passed in July): my son's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my stepdad's birthday, the new year. I don't even know what I'm feeling, or which…See More
Jan 10, 2010
Debbie Varga replied to imstillgrieving's discussion Hello im new here
"I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone."
Jan 9, 2010

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 y/o married mother of two (ages 5, 3). I am home with my children during the day and work part-time evenings a few days a week.
About my Loss:
I lost my beloved step-father on July 24, 2009 and feel like I have not even begun to grieve because I have been so focused on helping my children with their grief (which is substantial). He began to have pain in his right shoulder in June, and an MRI in July showed metastatic cancer (bones, brain, lungs). There was nothing that could be done, so we called hospice in and he passed two weeks later. It was all so fast that it still doesn't seem real. He has always been a part of my life, since I was about 10, and he was the father I always wanted (my own father was a verbally, emotionally, sexually abusive, alcoholic).

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Debbie Varga's Blog

How do I post a profile photo?

I have been able to upload photos, but I can't seem to add one as my profile photo. Can anyone help?

Posted on January 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

I am new here and am not sure what to do to get started

Hi everyone,

I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.



I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.



His death… Continue

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:48pm

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 8:57pm on January 23, 2010, beverly ann said…
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.I lost my mother 5-21-09.She was 59.She died from conjestive heart failure.I know what you're going through.I new to this group can you plz tell me how to invite friends?
At 4:04am on January 2, 2010, Courtney Rice said…
Of course a step dad counts! Everyone counts! He was your dad...I was adopted, and he was my dad. The pain is the same, You've lost a parent.
Don't kick yourself about not seeing it coming. It does no good. My dad died rather suddenly, But my husband, mom and I all failed to read the signs for what they were. I missed the signs related to my best friend since childhood. I misread the signs involved in the loss that brought me to this site. If I could not see warnings after so many previous experiences, how could you possibly? And if you focus on that, it will only serve to cause you pain that you don't deserve.
I'm sure your step dad would not want that for you. Focus on the love he brought into your life. Be thankful for every moment you had him. That is what he would want for you. The one's who truly love us, don't want us to be in this pain. Of course, it's that same love that causes it. Though this all seems so permanent, it's an illusion. We will be with our loved ones again. And they are with us, every time we think of them with love.
Courtney
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Liz left a comment for Jen G
"Hi Jen, wondering how you were doing.  I've had a rough few days, was my birthday and felt very sad and missed him so much "
2 hours ago
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Mary,I am in the middle of a war between my youngest daughter and my oldest daughter.They can't stay in the same room together.That is making the grieveing process even harder.Some one to talk to keeps me from exploding.I wish it was…"
8 hours ago
Linda Engberg replied to Deborah Bailey's discussion Can any one help in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Deborah, I lost my wonderful husband to colon cancer 3 years ago. I still miss him terribly but the grief is not as bad. My brokenheart will never mend. I still a shrink to help me get through life without him. The house was so empty without…"
10 hours ago
Robin commented on Stephanie Dennocenzo's blog post Remembering hurts
"I know how you feel up until one week ago all I had was pictures I keep saying if we only had the voice well we do my daughter found a voice message on an old phone it brought tears to my eyes and it really didn't make me happy because the only…"
16 hours ago
Robin commented on CindyA's blog post Where is my peace
"I could not imagine lossing so many people I lost my soulmate and I feel like my life is over, I think we all are looking for peace. To be able to not feel so empty,lost and alone I hope that peace finds you"
16 hours ago
Robin commented on Denise's blog post Today is not a good one
"I know how you feel and understand my Kevin has been gone for six weeks today and everyday seems harder not easier. I have just learned to live with the fog my husband was cremated I have a necklace with his ashes around my neck, we did have a…"
16 hours ago
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Denise. We are here for you. I too don't like the word widow. I still feel like a wife but who has lost her husband. Was curious about how you feel about going to see a councillor- do you feel it helps a little. It's been 9 weeks since…"
16 hours ago
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today has been very hard.I went to my second counciling session  .I have not thought of myself in so long I don't know who I am. I am a widow now which I don't like.I am a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother titles that…"
17 hours ago
Mary commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"Hi Val. I live in Canada in British Columbia. It is so hard missing our husbands. It is hard to explain how we feel but you and others (Robin) share it's exactly how you feel. Yes I believe too Robin, that children's grief is different.…"
18 hours ago
Matthew Davenport replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"I am grateful to know there are others, but also saddened that so many have passed through these same awful gates into the world of grief. I send my sympathies as well. "
20 hours ago
Matthew Davenport replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"I thank you for the sympathy and thoughts. We are trying desperately to pick up the pieces she left behind and rebuild our family."
20 hours ago
Robin posted a blog post

Don't want this any more

I don't want this pain anymore, I feel like I can't breath without him yet I do, I don't want to face another yet I drag myself out of bed,I don't want anymore memories because he won't be apart of them anymore. I feel so empty I have tried more tears than I thought possible, I did not deserve him yet I was blessed to have him for 26 years he was my world and now he's gone I feel like nothing matters I don't want this anymore.
21 hours ago
Robin replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"Let me tell you I feel and understand your pain it has been six weeks today I lost my husband of 26 years and it hurts beyond words I don't know how to even tell you how to cope for me it is day by day I just want you to know your pain is felt"
21 hours ago
Robin commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"I know exactly how you feel today is my six week mark and it hurts more now because the loneliness has set in I miss my Kevin so much it hurts so much, we have seven children but their grief is different my life stopped the day he passed.I feel your…"
21 hours ago
Alin Tooby commented on Denise's blog post Neutral
"Hello Denise,   I hope this message finds you well. I am very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I pray you may find comfort and peace. I found your post to be a bit ironic as I just went and picked up my mothers death certificate three…"
22 hours ago
val commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"Hi mary . i spent the afternoon moving furniture around lounge ,god knows why as i then put it all back, i suppose in my mind i thought if i dont have to look at his chair every time i come in the room it would be easier , but in fact it had the…"
yesterday
Mary commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"Val. I'm sorry for your pain. I know your pain. I also feel it every day. No one understands it unless they have been there. And you are right, our children have different relationship with him. My kids are 25, 21 and 16. I try to be strong for…"
yesterday
val commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"one week so far since my hubby passed and oh god it hurts , pain like no other ,feels so heavy ,i cry so much ,dose this ever end , everything is a reminder , even going to shop for a paper , I dont even read it , just feel i ought to have it , no…"
yesterday
val replied to Jennifer's discussion Buried with silence
"hi , yes I know , it consumes our every thought , my husband  passed last weekend , and its so empty now , its so painful, everything in our home we chose together ,24 years yesterday married , best friend,, and its all so many reminders ,…"
yesterday
val replied to Deborah Bailey's discussion Can any one help in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi deborah , I to feel the same, mine passed last week, and every day is so hard and raw, i have to go back to work soon and im a retirement schem manager and i live on site , so its in my face every day, they just keep on , every time i go out…"
yesterday

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