Andy Barnett
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  • Atlanta, GA
  • United States
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About Me:
HMMM..What to say? haha..I am 29 years old and live in Atlanta, GA with my sister and 6 year old nephew. GA born and raised.
About my Loss:
My mother was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer back in May 2008. She underwent chemo for 6 months and was said to be cleared. She kept saying she did not feel right, but the doctors kept telling her she was being silly and chemo just does that to you. Well, not 2 months later the cancer had come back and spread all over the abdomine and into the liver. Her Gastro doctor told me she had never seen a case that aggressive. Her Oncologist in ATL said there was nothing that could be done. They could try to keep her comfortable during her last days. Needless to say we would not accept that. We looked at it as winning the lottery (The chances are low,but someone has to win it). We traveled to Philly to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and were given some hope. The chemo regimon managed to keep the cancer under control, but was not shrinking the tumors. My mom became sick in November of 09 and was unable to have chemo for a month. I guess thats when it took over and spread. She passed away on January 12, 2010. I have so much anger and frustration towards all her doctors which I know sounds silly. It just seems like she wasn't a person to them, but a paycheck. I think about all the colon resections she underwent and all the pain she felt. Watching your mother who in my eyes is one of the most beautiful people in the world outside and in drop from a healthy 180lbs to 90lbs and not being able to move or control her bladder. It just hurts to see that. It hurts to think about it. Hell....I just hurt.

My mom was best friend and I don't really know what to do now that she is gone. I honestly just feel lost. I can't imagine never being able to hear her voice again..never being able to hear her laugh..or even just give me one of those motherly lectures she was known for when she pretended to be shocked over something I had done..haha..I just so badly want to talk to her and give her a hug. She always smelled like perfume and make-up and even as a kid I remember hugging her and feeling so protected by that smell. My friends don't understand what I am going through..Most don't even know what to say..If I try to talk about it I just feel crazy because I know they are thinking OH GOD!! so I thought this site would really help.
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At 12:43am on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

Hi! I'm so sorry about your mom, please feel free to message me anytime.

While I didn't lose my mom to cancer, I also felt like Doctors let her down,

its ok to feel angry, to cry, to feel lost, to not feel normal.

At 6:16pm on March 20, 2010, Tina Elam said…
I lost my mother on the 12th also to lymphoma. Wow that shocked me when i read your post. Im having such a hard time dealing with my mothers loss, Sha was my best freind. I love her so much!! My life will never be the same. Tina
At 1:27pm on February 28, 2010, Tania Isaacs said…
Andy, I read your profile and I can't believe how much in common we have about the losses of our Mom's. They found her colon cancer in Feb. 2009 We went to an oncologist after her release from the hospital and he said that she was not well enough to withstand and chemo or radiation therapy and Mom wanted to recover from the surgery ( they had to remove 60% of her colon and thats a lot to recover from) To make a long story shorter ,she had terrible pain begin in her abdomen and we went to several doctor's who told us that she had developed adhesions in the abdomen from the surgery and they sent her to pain management. Well, there were not adhesions in her it was cancer. By the time we found a doctor they would do exploratory surgery on her to find the cause of the pain it was everywhere and nothing could be done. She wanted to badly to go to a cancer treatment center but we never made it there. She was released from the hospital on Jan 25, the day after my birthday, and they got her into hospice care . A few weeks later she passed away, weighing only 64 lbs.
Andy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I joined this site because my family and friends are trying hard to be understanding and supportive but they haven't gone through anything like this and you're right, they don't really understand. For now I am still living in her home and trying to get things settled and it is so hard. Add to that my son who is almost 5 is here with me and he doesn't understand what's gone on and I am trying to hold myself together for both of us. Sometimes I don't think I am strong enough to do this.
I am sorry this comment is so long. If you need to talk, I'm for you if you need to talk. The pain is terrible, I feel lost too, and if I could help any one else through it I'd like to try. You're not really alone.

Tania
 
 
 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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