Comment

Comment by Sophia on April 23, 2013 at 9:01am

So very accurate to say it doesn't get easier because every day we're further away from the last day we saw/spoke to our children. It's heart breaking, to say the least, to lose a child & people's behavior/reactions toward us just adds to the sadness & feelings of loss. I buried my oldest child & I lost friends - people I've known for 20-30 yrs because I'm not the same person. But were they ever REAL, TRUE FRIENDS? I'm divorced, I don't talk to my friends & I feel like Im just going through the motions. When I smile or laugh it's always half hearted. Life will never be the same & I hope & pray I see my Jimmy again.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on April 22, 2013 at 2:46am

Karen
Was he your only boy? I have 2 girls but my son was the only boy. I miss having a boy.

Comment by Karen R. on April 21, 2013 at 7:12pm

Hi everyone, Adrianne, you couldn't have said it any better, it's NEVER going to get "easier". Every day that passes only reminds me that my son has not come home.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on April 20, 2013 at 1:34am

It's never going to be easier. How can it be? Every day is another day further away from the last day we saw our child. I'm so tired of people telling me it will get easier. It's never going to get easier!!!

Comment by Grace on April 19, 2013 at 8:15pm

Ann... I was not offended by anything you said at all... just explaining that I have given "Random Acts Of Kindness" in Niles' Memory.

Just really still a hard time.... so really wanted the new folks to know that It still is hard even 4 years later.    Thank You for your hugs and comfort...  I have reallly been needing them and not feeling sure of many things in my life right now.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on April 19, 2013 at 5:41pm

Grace ~ I am so very sorry. :( I was not intending to say that the "Random Acts of Kindness" was less of what I had to offer. I was merely trying to offer other ways of coping. Sometimes, I come across as harsh and it is not at all what I mean. :(

Your mother and brother have no clue as to being there for you. You have a right to feel hurt and betrayed by them. I have an autistic granddaughter and would not trade her for anything in this world. I wish I could give you the hugs and comfort you need from a mother or sister. Please know that I am sending them to you. Forgive me for anything I may have said that hurt you.

Comment by Grace on April 19, 2013 at 10:49am

Ann... the "Random Acts Of Kindness" Donations are from a Fund that I call the Niles Memeorial Fund.... I have held a benefit four years to raise money to help families living with special needs or medical conditions.... That is why this little boy who we just sent a donation too..hit home... he was at the hospital for siezures (Like My Son) and on a ventilator... the pictures just shook me into a flashback mode with memories..... The Fund does help me remember my son in a positive way..... also on his 18th birthday, I recieved a mailing that identified the Right Kidney recipient.... I have met the woman who has his heart....  just kind of "One Of those Days".... yet the strife in my marriage just magnifies my emotions...

I have really needed to be held and comforted.... yet my husband just seems so plastic... and with his lates betrayal of holding debt and covering it up... I just feel like I have no solid ground to stand on anymore....  My Mother and brother have hurt me when they say I should have had an abortion of this sone of 14 years (Because he was autistic) .... My husband being one thing to my face yet betrayal behind my back...  I just really feel like I have nothing stable in my life.... thus the Sinkhole.... I saw it swallow up that man in Florida... and the other coincidences since...and just yesterday a few cars in Chicago..... Ironic isn't it?    Life can just be so random and then all of a sudden everything you thought was firm ground just opens you up and swallows you....

Comment by Jane P on April 19, 2013 at 10:31am

Linda

Your words speak the truth. Many have told us that we will one day find a way. It has been 4 1/2 months since I lost my 25 yr old daughter. She was diagnosed at the age of 18 with a terminal condition. I was her sole cargiver for 7 years until her death. Since her death I have been living in that cold dark place you speak of. I look forward to seeing some light.

Comment by Grace on April 19, 2013 at 8:56am

Linda.... Very eloquent words... sometimes it is so hard to push on....

Thanks for your story Milt.... so sorry of your story... And Natalie... I don't even have words to comfort you.... this is such a sad time for all of us...

it is a long and neverending road of grief ....

 

Comment by linda hernandez on April 19, 2013 at 7:31am

The Difference

The only difference between choosing to live or to die is the ability to see tomorrow in today. I think when people are in the depths of the darkness today they did not have the glimmer of light for tomorrow. They just could not get out from under the pain of today to see the light. All they could see was the never-ending pain and sorrow that this day has bestowed upon them. Somehow in that darkness we have to push ourselves forward whether we stumble and fall or just reach inside ourselves for the strength to carry on. There will be days when we feel like we are in the endless nights of winter with no spring in sight. It will just be the brutality of the cold hard winter that brings with it stinging winds and frost.
It is in that cold dark place we live with the pain of losing our child. Somehow we must find away to survive that place. This is where it gets tough. We ourselves must bring the warmth and light of a new day. It will take the action of our choice that we ourselves most reach down with everything we have got to pull out the very reason to go on. And it is in that pulling out process, we must find the sweet memories, and moments in times we have shared. Times filled with never-ending dreams and hopes of a future cut short. Most of all we must reach down and pull out the beauty that lies deep inside the ruins of a broken soul, the beauty of which has yet to be uncovered and discovered.

We must look for the light in every day no matter how dark it gets. Remember it only takes the light of one small candle to light a whole room. It only takes one flicker of light to dispel a heart full of darkness. So always keep the light of hope in your heart today because you never know it might be someone’s torch for tomorrow that will light their path and lead them into their truth.

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