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Don't grieve alone.
STUPID things people say... " Vent Here "
I found that venting some of the stupid things people say with others that hear them as well helped me with some of the frustration. We know they mean well but, Dont you just want to scream sometimes..... So lets Vent - Go for It..... Lets hear them----
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Karen on -
Oh Gosh there has been so many.... These are a few that burn me...
IT WAS HIS TIME ///
------ BULL SHIT !!! He was 16 years old--- How old are your children -I wanted to say!
He is in a better place ///
------
Gosh What did you do to deserve this? ///
------
GOD dosent give us more than we can handle ///
------ Then he really screwed up this time- Cause I can't handle it -------
Oh- If this were me I couldn't handle it /// How do you get out of bed in the morning ///
------ I don't dumb ass- - I want to scream.......
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Permalink Reply by Karen on
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Why do people feel the need to always tell me about the accidents their kids were in & how it scared them.... I mean do they really think that helps me to hear about the fender benders --- when Brad didn't survive the accident he was in.... !!
I mean really * then they look at me funny when I excuse myself -- !!!
They can be glad I excuse my self- It is so I don't say what I am thinking-
Like what the FU@k are you thinking--- !!!
I care about their kids of course & am glad they are ok----
But- really what the FU@K --- Why does everyone tell me about their auto accidents,....!!!
< & I do not mean those of you that have lost a child- I know you get it-- it is the fender bender crap>
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Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on -
How are you doing?
I am okay.
But how are you really doing?
My daughter is dead...what would you like me to say?
It will get better....what will get better? My life? My grieving? What??
I feel your pain...unless your child has died you have no clue as to the pain I am feeling.
I can only imagine what you are going through...no you can't. No one has this kind of imagination.
Why haven't you gone back to work?
When did you become my therapist?
These are the ones at the top of my list. As you said, I know they mean well but I would rather they not say anything, or simply say you are in my thoughts (prayers).
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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on -
Worst one ever for me was when a friend asked if my foster daughter was Meshael's replacement! I have never spoken to that 'friend' since nor will I!!
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Permalink Reply by Karen on
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Oh My- Laura & Gail --- People never stop surprising me.. I am sorry for the insensitive jerks that said that too you.
My sister in law told me that my young niece said I should have another baby to replace Brad. It was one thing for a young mind to think that up- But- for my sister in law to tell me about it----- ahhhhhhhhhhh
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Permalink Reply by Janice Shapiro on -
you know what some people said to me? "you've still got 3 healthy children who need you. you need to be strong and be there for them.
i feel like saying, "sort you arm's just been ripped off, and the pain is excruciation, but you still have another arm and 2 legs that you must look after!"
thanks for the advice, i'll bear that in mind!
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Permalink Reply by tracie parker on -
Janice , the exact same thing keeps being said to me!!!! Its like they think we are forgetting about or being ungrateful for the ones we have. I love all my children and would grieve for anyone of them that was no longer with me. Do people think we are just suppose to pick up where we left off, even though part of our heart is no longer with us?? I quess because we have more children, we are not suppose to feel the pain of loosing the one we lost. People try to help, but sometimes they would help more by saying nothing.
When they ask me how I do it, how I face each day, I just give God the credit because I know if I had it my own way, and it wasnt for his help, I would just stay in the bed alllllll day and night until he came to call me home.
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Permalink Reply by Mistie Bybee on -
COMMENTS:"Wow I just don't know how you get up!, I don't know how I would ever survive!, You must be a strong person to "deal" with this!" What I feel like saying is "Oh wow I did not realize I had a choice in whether I survived this or not!!!!! For some reason my mutilated heart keeps right on beating inspite of everything and wow another day has passed! Strong hell no I am not strong I bawl DRIVING to work, at work, driving home from work, at home, in bed, in the shower.
But probably the comment that sent me off my hinges but I kept my cool because I am so "strong" was "WOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF PICTURES OF HIM YOU NEED TO PUT THEM AWAY, DEAL WITH IT AND MOVE ON!!!" My response in my mind of course was "WHAT THE F@&$ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT IS ALL I HAVE LEFT IS PICTURES AND MEMORIES WHY WOULD I PUT THEM AWAY??????
IT WOULD BE EASIER IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST SAY YOUR IN MY PRAYERS.
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Permalink Reply by Toni Davis on -
I am new to this site but have loved hearing your thoughts. I loved this discussion in particualar. Just to clarify, I have not lost a child, but have lost my Dad to and two Grandfathers to cancer and both of my Nanas through different causes. My Nana died on Xmas Eve and my father died on November 27th, both quite some years ago but always think of them. My partner died suddenly on the 25th of September of this year. And it has knocked me more than any of the other experiences. Or maybe I just forgot how bad it was.
I love the questions that people have asked us all. I can relate to them all.
The "your strong so your going to be OK" certainly takes the cake. I AM NOT STRONG. I did not have a choice in having to deal with this so I am going to have to cope or not because. I like what Mistie said and she sounds just like me. I am surprised that I have not been pulled over by the police who monitor the harbour bridge as they probably think I'm planning on jumping off as I have cried back and forth for work very day for the last three months. There ain't no where that I don't cry...and sometimes it just hits when I least expect.
I had my Mum, two weeks after my partner died phone up to see if I was OK? She was just worrying I know but told her what she needed to hear...that I was OK. And then she says "but you just sound so sad" . I told her that it was just a hunch but it may have something to do with my partner having died two weeks ago? And yes, I know I should be over it but I must just be in an abnormally lengthy grief process?
Another one, is "you just have to remember the good times" In other words just wipe the memory of him dead on the floor with me doing CPR and then having him pronounced dead. I'm sure I will have absolutely no problem eraseing that memory so that I can just hold onto all the fun stuff.
You guys are great. I could really do with help with getting through Xmas. Hate watching couples holding hands and can't cope with shopping...the effort of appearing and acting normal is so exhausting that it makes me feel physically faint!
Can't wait to hear more gems, it has actually made me smile...they are so bad it is funny!
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte on -
Thank goodness other people have posted the dumb and insensitive remarks that have fallen upon their ears too!!!
I lost my son, Jeremy on Thanksgiving Day to a drug overdose which is hard to internalize but what people say can be so insensitive!
1. I don't know how you bare the loss of your child? I said "I have no choice" to that dumb remark.
2. Another person said "It was for the best because Jeremy would have never stopped using drugs." That's like giving my son a death sentence just because he had an addiction.
3. This person said, "You need to go back to work" even though I do not have to at 62...I thought to myself that I will return when I am good and ready.
4. A friend who is a nurse wants us to go skiing and stay in our cabin which is where I was told that my son died amidst a room full of family thank goodness; I cried there, and spent the night grieving the death of my son and planning his funeral. She told my husband that I needed to go on and just put it behind me. Only a parent who has lost a child would know how truly insensitive that remark can be to a grieving parent. She also said "What if he had died at your house"? My husband set her straight after that remark and let her know that there are too many memories in that cabin at the moment and he wanted me to go through this grieving peacefully without being reminded of what happened in that cabin for a week while my friend and her husband had fun.
Well, let's see what happened after I received the dreaded phone call of my son's death from my sister: The whole family was coming to the cabin that weekend so I had to tell my 82 year old Dad that his grandson was dead; I had to tell Jeremy's daughter and x-wife of Jeremy's death when they came to the cabin and I had to phone Jeremy's Father and tell him of his son's death from this cabin. I had the responsibility to tell each person and take so many phone calls. Well, need I say more.....
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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on
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Charlotte - I truly think that this is probably the most insensitive thing I have heard! I'm so glad your husband put her straight! Hugs hun xx
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Permalink Reply by Pam Brooks on -
My own father said to me, after I told him that my daughter and his granddaughter had passed away was "Now you don't have anybody, do you?" No dad, I sure don't except for you who could care less whether she was dead or alive! So insensitive.
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And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
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