Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter

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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 7, 2010 at 12:03pm

Christy - I'm so sorry for the loss of your son - bless his heart xx
My daughter was diagnosed with terminal illness at the age of 5 - she did live till she was almost 15 then she got pneumonia and her organs just gave up. It's so difficult to live with a 'terminal' diagnosis and my heart goes out to you - I know.
You are very, very early in your grief. I'm sorry to say that you have a long and difficult journey ahead of you but we are here to help you get through those times. This is a place to share and rant and rave whenever you need to - don't hold back. We've all been where you are and we understand.
Welcome to the group that no-one wants to be a part of.
Take care Gail x

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Permalink Reply by paula ingalls on January 9, 2010 at 9:17am

hi gail, this is paula ,i am glad for everyones response. i feel so lost my world is so dark right now, i need to talk and carry on as if im crazy, yhat dont even make sense. why does this happen to us, i always prayed god would take care of my boys, and of course everyone. but this has took my meaning in life i almost feel like i dont want to go on. this world is so full of misery. i didnt feel this way before he died, i cant get over how he died and the wreck and how he felt at the time its driving me nuts i just ned for god to give me a sign of somekind that he is okay. i need to find yhat one person to whom i can express myself to. this site overwhelms me there are so many people i dont know where to start. i try to talk to my mom, but she always fells worst than me not a listener, but a loving mom ang grandmother, my sister the same they think they help but they make me feeel worse, my mother lost my sister at 16 yrs do to an auto accident 40yrs, ago i almost feel like she forgot what the beginning felt like she just says ill get better, i know this i lost my dadto sucide my sister to wreck, my aunt to murder, grandmothers and grandfathers to natural causes. bot this is so different. THANKS FOR READING THIS

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Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on July 9, 2010 at 7:36pm

Hi Paula,
I will talk to you if you like, you can email me directly at kciolek@optonline.net. I can tell you about my daughter and tell me aboiut your tragedy

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Permalink Reply by Connie Pharr on January 25, 2010 at 10:31am

hi...i too am new to this but not to the pain of the death of a child. i lost my son 5 years ago to a drug overdose. he had celebrated his 30th birthday in march and he died in may.
while i am not in the deep overwhelming grief that you experience when your loss in new i am still, at times knocked over. it comes when i least expect it. sometimes seeing a young man who reminds me of my son, sometimes hearing a song. i know the reality is that i will carry this loss to my grave. i guess what i am looking for is someone who understand. at the time of ryans death i was married to someone who couldn't or wouldn't allow me to just talk, or cry or scream. (this man was not ryans dad) my daughter lives far away and while she misses her brother she has lots of friends who love and support her for which i am thankful. ryans dad also lives far away and seems for the most part to have moved on with his life. i am not seeking to wallow in my loss or invite everyone over for a pity party. i just want to connect with people who sadly and for a terrible reason, understand.

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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 25, 2010 at 12:48pm

Hi Connie and welcome to the group no one wants to join. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Ryan and know only too well how those days come back and hit you right in the solar plexus, without warning! It can come upon you anytime can't it? My name is Gail - I've been walking this road for the last 8 1/2 years, my daughter Meshael died in 2001. She had a rare genetic disorder called Fanconi Anaemia and she sadly passed away two days before her 15th birthday. It just doesn't seem fair does it.
I'm so sorry that your ex wasn't able to help you through those early days - we need someone close to us to vent to sometimes. But, I have found groups like this invaluable over the years because no-one really understands except another bereaved parent. There are some lovely people here who will ready with some understanding hugs and a shoulder if you need it. Feel comfortable to vent whenever you feel like it - we understand.
Hugs
Gail x

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Permalink Reply by Connie Pharr on January 25, 2010 at 7:04pm

Gail,
Thank you for your kind words. I think this website is literally going to be a Godsend for me. I've had no one to really talk to. People mean well but they have no idea and because they have no idea they just want us to grieve, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and go on. If only it were that easy.
I turned to journaling because no one knew what to do or say. What they don't realize is that there is often nothing to do or say...just be there for us and let us be what and who we need to be and don't turn away, no matter how many times we cry or ask why. They don't have to have all the answers, just a hug or a kiss or a phone call to say "I'm thinking of you today"
So thank you all in advance for being here for me. I hope to gain strength from you and hope to impart the same to you...With Love...Connie

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Permalink Reply by Connie Pharr on January 26, 2010 at 9:03am

This is only my 2nd day on this website. I wish I could take each and every one of you by the hand. My son died in 2004. Many of you are so new to the pain of losing your child. My heart aches for you all. My heart still aches for my son. I mourn the loss of my baby, my little boy, the young man so full of possibility, the man who struggled so with his addiction. I mourn the grandchildren I will never have. I never knew before how far reaching the ripples are and that they never end. I am stronger now, time does help. But some days I am sucker punched and knocked to my knees and maybe always will be. I hope not. I hope to someday only smile at his memory, without the ever present grief attached. Some days I am able to do just that. Most days I still feel the pain and want so desperately to hear his voice. It brings tears to my eyes to reveal this but sometimes I can't remember what he looked like without looking at his pictures. Maybe this is partly due to healing. I am healing, slowly and with some backsliding but I am healing. We will all slowly heal. Some faster than others. It's okay. We will be okay. Never the same, we've all lost our belief that nothing that terrible would ever happen to us.It has, it does, it will. But I firmly believe we are able to honor their memories by reaching out to each other. To just know that we are not alone. To lift each of us up in prayer. To wish that each of us will have a good day today. May God bless you all today...Connie

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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 26, 2010 at 12:42pm

Connie - have you got, or have you thought about opening, a website in memory of your son??
I found it was a perfect way to share memories and photos and music and it is a haven for me when I'm having one of 'those' days.
I know what you mean about wanting to hear their voice - I only have one short video of Meshael and I have to play it over and over some days just to hear her.
If you would like - please go and have a look at one of Meshael's sites, and even if you don't want to do one yourself, please get to know Meshael and her story.

www.legobeaver.com/meshael/meshael1.html

Gail x

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Permalink Reply by Michelle Hornbrook on January 26, 2010 at 11:10pm

Hi, I have just joined the site and have been reading through some of the postings. I am glad that I don't feel like a mom that didn't care because I sit and can't recall memories of my son, Nick without help from others. I have been blaming it on my surgery and my seizures but as I have read that is common in the grief cycle. I lost my baby brother to leukemia on May 3, 2009 then on the 23rd I lost my baby in major car crash. He was 16 years old and out with his friends and they were all taking turns driving a "race" car on the back roads here. My son was driving and took the care to fast around a corner and went off the road and hit a tree. The car started to catch on fire. The girls were able to get out of the care but my baby was jammed between the steering wheel and the seat so they were unable to get him out before the car was fully engulfed by the fire.

My sister called me that night wondering if I knew where he was. I told her that he was out with some friends and she told me to try and call him but I never did get an answer on his line. After not being able to reach him I called my husband and he came home.With in minutes of him coming home the state police arrived to tell me that he had been in an accident and didn't survive the accident. The next few days I was unable to function thankfully my family members gather and helped me to prepare everything for the ceremony.

After the funeral we still suffered the confusion of everyone being around and making sure that I was ok and hadn't been having any major seizures. I found my biggest problem was once everyone went about their every day business that I had a hard time believing that it all happened. I was feeling as though it was something that I was imagining and was expecting him to show up at anytime. I am still at the point that I can't believe that we have had all of this happen at once. I also feel as though I haven't really dealt with my feelings and grief. I don't know if it is because my mind is blocking it out or if I just haven't accepted everything yet.

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Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on January 27, 2010 at 8:56am

i lost my daughter Fawna June 30 th 09' to a drowning she was 15 and i know what you mean. I still rufuse to except living the frest of my life with out her. Apocolyps has already taken place for me. It is part of the grieving process denial. Your brain shuts down when its not ready or able to face reality. I wish you the best and your son is very adorable.

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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 30, 2010 at 1:07pm

Melissa - hugs to you my friend. You are still so very early in your grief and I know so well how difficult it is to carry on living without the most important part of your life.
Life changes around us and it is our choice when we want to step back into it.
We'll be here for you when you need a helping hand
Hugs Gail xx

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Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 30, 2010 at 1:01pm

Michelle - I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Nick. That shock on top of the recent loss of your brother is enough to send your mind reeling. I always tell everyone here that grief is a slow and desperately miserable journey to be on - and the best way to get through is to take each day as it comes. There is no time table and even though the stages of grief are recognised, there is no way that anyone can tell you how long each of those stages will last.
I think most of us have suffered, after a loss and where people have been surrounding us with help and love and hugs. They do have to go home eventually and we have to deal with the everyday chores and goings-on on our own. The silence is deafening! And we are left with our thoughts and memories. Sometimes our unfounded guilt. But mostly with that huge gaping hole in our hearts and our lives. I can see that you are having problems with memory and this could indeed be due to grief or maybe a side effect of your surgery. The important thing is that you DO have people around you who are helping you remember.
This is a great group of people, who all know your pain. This is a place to talk and cry and sometimes to rant and rave at the unfairness of it all. But most of all, it is a place where people understand. That, you will find, will help you to make sense of your feelings and in time, you will learn to reinvent yourself, pick up the mask we all wear everyday that smiles at the world. Acceptance is a word that I can't really take on board - I will never accept that my daughter is no longer here. Even after eight years there are days when I wake up and really believe for a few seconds that it was all a terrible dream.
My heart goes out to you in your loss and please feel comfortable to write in anytime you need to - there is always someone around to take your hand and send you a hug.
Take care Gail x

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