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Comment by jb (jo) 5 hours ago

i ment grief at yore own spead

Comment by jb (jo) 5 hours ago

frief at yore own spead angela evn if it is slow its slow my grief its bean a yr now 

never let any 1 tell u to get over it or forse u to get over it coz it willl mak u feal worse

all i no grief stinks it dose i lost my dad yea it hurtts lik mad still doseits worse wen u get peple saying or u shud be over it by now coz its easy easy for thm coz thy hav nevr lost any 1 yet

aftr my dad died 2012 a lot mor death folrd evn ths yr frm th big c to all sorts 

i got a look at som old fotos iv nevr sean berfore today a lot of peple i new ear on thm a lot of thm hav died frm th big c yea som smoket or drank hevy or ate unhelthyy or ate to helty 

sory if im sayng wong words

jo

Comment by Angela Denny 7 hours ago

Thank you, Anna. After five months, most family members and friends don't want to hear about it any longer. I'm hoping that soon I will feel at least a small amount of healing. Thank you for listening and responding.

Comment by anna l. 9 hours ago

Angela, for sure it is normal!  I was in a sort of shock for a few months after my husband died just a year after our son.  At three months after I was beginning to hit a bottom and stayed there for a long while.  Everyone grieves differently and I believe we all have to give ourselves permission to just be, and not try to compare ourselves to others.  No one loved your parents in exactly the same way you did so no one will grieve their passing in the same way.  If you start to have very depressive thoughts then maybe it is time to look outside, in your real life for a person to talk to about it.  Your doctor, local pastor, or hospice will be able to steer you in the right direction there. 

 

Comment by Angela Denny 11 hours ago

Thank you for your caring response to my earlier post. I want to know if it is normal to be feeling so depressed and grief stricken after five months. There are days I do not even have the energy or desire to shower and every day finds me crying so hard for hours that I literally have a hard time breathing. I am normally a strong person...but this double loss within days of each other feels like it is more than I can bear! Thank you for taking the time to listen. It helps me feel a little less alone.

Comment by Kim Phillips 22 hours ago

Angela, I am so so sorry.  I lost my best friend and soul mate a year ago and I still cry every day and I still am having trouble moving on.  I think we all grieve at our own pace.  It has been such a short time for you.  Don't be hard on yourself. 

Comment by Jeanne Potter yesterday

Angela I am very sorry for your loss. It is not unusual to cry often after any loss of someone so close. I still cry over losing my husband and it is almost 2 1/2 years. What I think is so comforting in your story is all that you learned from your mother before she passed. She knew she was going and she knew your dad was. You did not know that so how did she  It has to be a wonderful feeling to know for sure that they are together and continuing on their journey together still. Yes you will grieve but try to take solace that they are together and that is not always the case. My mom lived 18 years after my dad died suddenly. I know she prayed everyday she was with him and now she finally is. Try to find some comfort in the secret your mother let you in on. Take care Jeanne

Comment by Angela Denny yesterday

My mother survived breast cancer twice in her 50's, colon cancer at the age of 70 and was diagnosed last June with pancreatic cancer. Since her prognosis wasn't good, she and my father moved to my home so I could care for her. She lived another seven months. Near the end, about two weeks before she passed, she kept telling us that the angels wanted her to get on the plane. She was firm; however, in telling us that she was going to wait for the next plane. When I questioned her on why she would wait for the next flight, she said it was because my father would be on the next plane. The night before she died, she told me her flight would be arriving the next morning. She told me she was ready and had even packed a few things for my dad because he would be on the next flight. True to her words, she did pass away the next morning. Two days after her funeral, my father collapsed, was rushed to the hospital and died shortly afterwards. He was indeed on the next plane...just as mom had predicted. This double (and partially unexpected) loss has been devasting. It has been five months since they passed and yet, I still can hardly function. I spend hours each day crying so hard that I can hardly breathe. Is it normal to still be so deep in grief after five months? I'm at a loss as to how to move on. My heart feels as if it will never feel joy again. I am so very tired of crying.

Comment by Karen Van Benschoten on Saturday

I know that it is never going to get easier. I got 8 pics in the mail yesterday, of my mom and her boyfriend. She looked so happy and healthy....I finally had to put them aside, and try to look at them another time.

Comment by Dennis C. on Saturday

I think that we learn to compartmentalize. Which means that we just start putting things in boxes, so to speak.

Our loss, grief, and pain never stops, but we put all of that in a box in our heart. We feel it, but we have other compartments (boxes) in our lives that we have to deal with as well.

Other family members, our own health and well being, our job, etc.

Some times we feel guilty when we have to pay attention to another compartment. This is normal. One day we can put the guilt itself in the same box with our pain, grief and loss.

Just my thoughts.

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