Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 7 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by Ginger Apr 17, 2018.

Still lost and broken 2 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Pamela philipp Jan 5, 2018.

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Comment by ALEXIS on October 29, 2018 at 1:02am
Hi Michael,

I can definitely relate to feeling lost. It has been a little over 2 months since I lost my husband to complications from treatment for acute myeloid leukemia. I mostly feel numb and like a part of me is missing. I go to work, have added new things to my schedule as I am no longer spending most of my free time in doctors offices or hospitals but through all of it I just feel alone. I wish I could offer something that would make this better or a coping skill that could take away this horrible feeling but I can't. For myself I am trying to acknowledge how big a hole has been ripped into the fabric of my life. Just focusing on breathing through those awful moments of awareness and then picking myself up again and trying to go on. What I didn't realize is how exhausting this is. I don't think I have ever felt more tired in my life. Sending you good wishes.
Alexis
Comment by morgan on October 28, 2018 at 11:58pm

I think I can only add to this conversation by saying I am feeling so worn out.  So tired.  I have only enough energy everyday to do what I HAVE to do and find no joy in any any of it.  I guess you could say I am living in the past but the way I look at it is that I want to join my husband and he no longer lives here.  Am I busy?  Constantly.  Do I have longer periods without the excruciating meltdowns that have compromised my immune system?  Yes.  Does it matter?  No, none of it.
Why?  Because I cant live pretending that this reality is somehow fulfilling.  I had what I wanted.  I no longer need what is presented to me.  
I feel forced to continue living.  I am caring for a good friend to bring him back from the brink...I have restored three of four houses I bought doing so much with so little by being super creative.  But for what?  So i can pay bills.  Making money to pay bills.......when I used to do that I found a sense of self satisfaction, of challenge, joy, sharing with my husband every victory in turning trash to treasure.  Now I am empty.  No other reason to do this other than paying bills.
I don't really see an end to this futility of trying to rebuild the person who will find reason to live a full, happy life.  I have tried all the ways I know how and without my beloved I am not seeing any purpose.  Just tired of moving through space without him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 3:35pm

Hi Michael

I can relate to everything you said. Lost my Husband to colon cancer in 2013 and have never been the same. I am half a person just wandering lost in this world. 

Comment by Michael Thompson on October 28, 2018 at 9:26am

Hi everyone, I cannot believe how fast time flies.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  I miss our rapport.  I miss the subtleties that come with marriage.  The interaction.  The stability.  I am a widower.  I feel lost.   I am empty.  I am desperately searching for answers to make some kind of sense of it all.   I realise anybody reading this will relate.  I look forward to all responses.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Marilea,

So sorry for loss. It has been almost 6 years since I lost my Husband, I still think of him everyday. I will be honest with you and tell my grief is always with me. Time doesn't take the grief away but I am able to not function like a zombie anymore. Pray for the best for you.

Comment by Marilea on October 27, 2018 at 4:31pm
Hello everyone.
I'm new on this site and hope it will help with the greif.first let me say how sorry I am that each and everyone of you has lost a loved one to cancer.
My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in October 2017 and passed away February 2018.
I was a huge daddy's girl for all of my 57 years of life. I miss him so much. Every minute of every day. I cry often and feel depressed at times. I live in Az and dont know if any of you live in my state to where we could meet and help with the grief.
It's very overwhelming most of the time.
Comment by Geri on September 17, 2018 at 3:44am

Hi Everyone,

This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the firsts? I'm trying to do one day at a time but struggling with thoughts of Christmas and his birthday.

I miss him with such a heaviness and longing in my heart that I am unable to breathe when I cry now. I feel grief is taking me backwards where I'm questioning, bargaining and reverting to being angry again. Still questioning my purpose, why him and not me.

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 16, 2018 at 3:02pm

Hi Pamela,

So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing.

Comment by Suzy Tatz on September 16, 2018 at 1:43pm

I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self destructive. John , my fiancé, was not a drinker so I rarely drank, now I am drunk every night, I have been sleeping with his best friend and I am just a mess. I miss them both so much but John was my true soulmate. Did anyone else go down this road? How do you get out of it. Everyone tells me I m the strongest person they know, I don’t feel it right now. I can’t get myself to just feel. I have no clue who I am because the last 6 years was all about John. 

Comment by Pamela philipp on September 13, 2018 at 2:30pm

tomorrow September 14th 2018 will be three years since I lost my husband and I feel just as lost and broken as I did the day he left I miss him so much life is so empty without him no amount of time will ever ease the heartbreak I feel every day I still cry myself to sleep every night I am alone and I just don't understand why I'm still here as more time goes by the more I don't want to be here  

 

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
3 hours ago
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M Adams commented on M Adams's blog post Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now
"Watching it alone last night was sad but I’m glad to have seen it."
10 hours ago
Trina Mamoon left a comment for morgan
"Dear morgan, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (January 21st) on the seventh anniversary of the passing of the love of your life. I know that “life” as we live it now after the death of our beloved spouse is worth…"
14 hours ago
Alex is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
15 hours ago
Brenda Ann left a comment for morgan
"Dear Morgan, You said, ”What the hell happened to him.  Where is he?  I want to know and I know that is impossible.”  I noticed these 2 questions that you asked and noticed that you don’t feel it is possible to find…"
15 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful picture of you and your wife and your gravestones will hold both your bodies but you souls will be united in another realm. Morgan,  You will be in thoughts my tomorrow as you try to make it through the…"
16 hours ago
M Adams posted a blog post

Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now

The moon should appear at its reddest at about 9:12 p.m., with the event lasting until about 10:40 p.m.Kelly encourages people to take a look.  "You know, stop and look up and really think about [how] we are on this huge planet, moving around in space and there's very few times that we can actually be reminded and feel the effects of that," she said.See More
23 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
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Emma is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Kelly Lieberman posted a status
"Can't sleep. Typical, my daughter goes back to college in the morning and I am having a hard time with that."
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