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Loss of a loved one to Melanoma
It will soon be one year since the death of my former husband who had become my best friend. He passed away from Melanoma. He was only 50 years old and had so much to live for. We were married for 18 years and had been divorced for 13 years. We had 2 wonderful sons, who miss their father very much. I have a been remarried to a wonderful man for nearly 7 years. There has not been a day go by that I have not cried because of missing my dear friend. I cry for me, but most of all I cry because I know that my sons are hurting and have such an emptiness. Is this normal that I cry so much? I am not an expert in 'how to grieve'.....I just wonder if there is something wrong with me. I think I need to talk with others who have experienced this or are going through it.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kirsti lisa michels on -
hi tammy,
im so sorry for your loss,melanoma is nasty cancer,ive been looking to talk to someone who has been through this too! i watched my mum go through it for 5 years and she passed away this past feburary,im only 19 and she was only 45 and its nearly been a year since she has gone and i still stuggle alot,how old are your sons? you cant really say anything to them to try and make them feel better ( trust me i know) you just have to let them grieve i know it must be hard to watch them suffer,but what they need is for you to be strong,you are there only parent left now they need you. and it is normal to cry so much,the smallest things make me cry all the time,like when i went christmas light looking with my boyfriends family,i had to try and hide the tears that were rolling down my face because i was so sad i wasnt doing this with my mum.
This past year i have done nothing,i tryed working and i got fired because i didnt seem ready,ive failed my license test twice now,i nearly failed this make up course i did,i have just been so lost this year and stuck in a rut,but i said to myself this new year i am going to try and look forward,i know i will still cry all the time but i know my mum wants me to move on and try and start living my life again,so im going to try,and i hope you will too, you know he is looking down on you wanting the same :)
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Permalink Reply by Tammy Seymour on
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Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. It must be hard for you without your Mom.
Yes, Melanoma is a very BAD cancer. My sons' father passed in February also. It is coming up on a year. It will be a year on February 16th. But for some reason I feel like it was just yesterday. I am being strong for my sons.......but when I am alone, I cry, cry, cry. I cry all the time. I miss the father of my sons. I miss him terribly. I really don't feel that I can share that with my current husband as I don't want him to feel bad. But, an important part of my life is gone with the passing of my former husband and VERY dear friend. My sons are 26 & 27.....they are men, but they are young men. Who will be missing their dad for a long time, just as you are and will miss your mom. Keep writing and maybe we will get to feeling better. Take care.
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Permalink Reply by Nancy Nixon on
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My ex husband passed away about 12 years after we were divorced. I think I felt that maybe I was not entitled to grieve as he was no longer my husband. I was devasted by his death as he had been sick for a while but did not tell his family or friends. I had spoken to him just a few days before his death. We had remained friends. He died more than 10 years and I still miss talking to him. As you mentioned, he was a big part of your life and the father of your children. I hope things are better for you. Hang in there.
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Permalink Reply by Riana Alexander on
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Hi Tammy
I have not yet lost someone to Melanoma, but we found out 3 months ago that my grandmother age 79 got it she went in for two operations and it came back with a bang, it spread to her lungs, livers, kidneys and looks like it’s moving to her bladder too. Yesterday she went to her doctor and he told her he will not do chemo as he is going on leave to till the 7th July and he does not think she will last that long. I need to know how to cope with this news, I need to be strong for my mom and two girls.
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Permalink Reply by Leah Schwartz on
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I am new to all of this. New to reaching out and new to grief. My husband of 41 years died 40 days ago and I cry all the time. He told me I was strong but I don't feel very strong at all. He was diagnosed with melanoma in Sept and died 8 months later. He was strong and healthy and had so much left to do. Our kids are being really strong but it hurts them. I feel like my whole future is gone. So I really think there is nothing wrong with you. Someone so young should not be just gone. There was too much life and living left to do.
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And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.
-Grace Noll Crowell
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