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Comment by Theresa 36 minutes ago

Lisa Everything you said is right I also had to go on something for anxiety of course I wouldn’t take the proper dose because I was afraid it helped a bit but I’m still having anxiety and yes I’m learning to live as hard as it is it’s funny how most of my friends just forgot to even ask me how are you doing today but it’s OK I’ll get through it.
God bless you and everyone here may we all find peace and live just like our dear moms would have wanted us to

Comment by Lisa Green 1 hour ago

Thank you Brett. I took Abby to see Dad last Saturday and it was such a nice reunion. He was not as excited as I thought he would be but that's ok. Abby sat right beside dad the whole time and dad rubbed her head and talked to her some. He noticed the knocks on her side and asked about those so I told him they were tumors but the vet didn't think they were anything to worry about unless they started to grow so that buys me a little time. 

Theresa, I don't think we will ever "get over" losing our Mom. I know that I will not but I have learned to function in my life with her not here. It's harder at times than others. I still do talk to her and feel like I get small signs that she's still with me in some small way. This morning driving to work, there was a car in front of me with a sticker on the back window that said, Sashwatch and it had a picture of a sashwatch. I laughed out loud for like 3 minutes. Mom used to call us Sash sometimes when she was joking about something. I have never seen a sticker like that. I took a picture and send it to my brother. He laughed too and no explanation was needed. He knew. That's how I keep my Mom's memory alive. It's the little things. I miss her all the time and I always will. But the circle of life doesn't stop for us. I grieved so hard the first year that I had to go on depression medicine and I'm still on it. Its been my lifesaver. i know that I could not function well without it yet and that's ok too. I'm not at all ashamed of being on it. It has helped be to put things in their proper place and not cry multiple times a day. I do still get sad and cry sometimes over missing my Mom but that is normal. 

To all those who have recently lost their mom, The grief is over whelming but it does lesson with time. I never believed that the first year when people told me but now I know it is true. Sadly, we do learn how to carry on without our best friend (mom) and biggest supporter. The thing I miss the most is Mom's UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

Comment by Theresa 5 hours ago

Brett, I hope you are handling everything as well as can be, that is my fear losing my dog, he is my strength

But hopefully time will heal.

It is coming up on two years for both of us, I'm still heartbroken, people just dont' understand it.

Maybe I should just accept it and stop being sad, I don't know.

I am going about my daily life, but she is on my mind always, is this how it will be, I'm still so anxious, I just want it to stop.

Comment by Brett Bowman on Monday

I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the same with Boo Bear. That little dog was under my feet for years. And then in a split second she was gone.

Take Abby to see him. Don't tell him about the tumors until you absolutely have to. It's horrible. I had to tell my mom that she was dying. I had to explain to her what it meant to go on Hospice care. I had to wrap up little Boo Bears stiff body in a towel and take her to the vet for disposal. I had to hand her over to someone else. I had to watch the funeral home take away my mom's body on Christmas Eve.

I wish all of you well. That's all I can do is to pray for each of you. And I wish that the world could understand what it means when a person loses someone, or a pet, that they love so much. There is no time frame for mourning. I don't know when or if it ends. I know for sure that it will end on our final day.

I hope and pray that each of us will know love, peace, strength, and happiness until that day comes. I pray that each of you has someone to love you. Being truly loved is the greatest blessing on earth. We all had that with our moms. That is so hard to lose. And next to my mom, I have never experienced love like I have from my little dogs.

Comment by Lisa Green on Monday

Brett, 

Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age. 

My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me feel closer to her I guess. 

Emotions have been high for me these past few weeks because after mom died last year, within a few months, my dad showed some huge signs of dementia/Alzheimer disease. He has a lot of heart issues and diabetes. His dementia has now been diagnosed and for the past 3-4 weeks he was hospitalized and is now in a skilled nursing facility for rehab. I don't think he will be able to come home and I don't know how to tell him that. I feel so guilty for him being there but I know that he's safe and getting the medical attention he needs that I can't provide for him but it feels like I'm losing him now after just losing my mom last year. Saturday I took his dog (boxer) to the vet to have shots so I could take her to see my dad and the nursing home and the vet discovered some tumors on her that have a high chance of being cancer. So, I will probably lose "Abby dog" soon too. 

Life is definitely NOT fair. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on Sunday

Luisa, the best advice I can give you is to be the best caretaker that you can be. Remember, your daughter loves you the same way that you loved your mom at that age. God has given you a tremendous blessing to love on and take care of. There is your happiness. There is your reason to get up each morning. That truly is the circle of life.

Being without little Boo Bear is devastating. That little dog, no matter what life threw at her... she was blind, had diabetes, but she was always happy as long as she was with her daddy. As long as I would give her a scratch and a cuddle she was good to go. I miss that little wet nose and holding her little face next to mine. I just miss her. I just love her and I can't believe that she is gone. It's only been a couple of days since I could pet her and call her my little Boo Bear. It doesn't seem real and it sure doesn't seem fair.

Comment by Luisa Salter on Sunday

I can't imagine losing one of my Mom's pets, Brett this must be devastating to you. My Mom has two cats, they went up to Washington to live with her sister because I could not take them. It was really hard when they left. It was especially hard on my daughter because they were her playmates when we were at my Mom's, which was a lot.

Today I am feeling devastated myself. I feel the huge emptiness in my heart. Preparing for the memorial I've been looking at photos, hearing music that reminds me of her. But the worst part is...it's been over 6 weeks since I've seen her or talked to her, and I just have this feeling of panic, like I need to see her. When I was little I had a lot of separation anxiety when I was away from my Mom. It feels like that again. I just cry and cry, telling my Mom out loud that I miss her, I need her, I wasn't ready. I just can't imagine what life is going to be like without her. I don't know what I will do, who I will turn to. She loved me more than anyone ever has, probably more than anyone ever will. I don't want to be stuck in these feelings but sometimes, like today, I feel like the grief is consuming me. I have a daughter to take care of and I have to work and take care of my life. But this grief is just huge. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on Saturday

I'll be honest with you Luisa. As tough as my mom's funeral and arrangements were, I realized later that I was still in a state of shock when they occurred. I cannot remember very much about those days.

You are right about losing Boo. This is the first time I have ever lost a pet without my mom being here to grieve with me and comfort me. And losing Boo was a very bad trigger. These were my mom's dogs. They were beside me throughout my mom illness and they were my best friends. I couldn't have asked for better buddies, and they have been such an incredible blessing since mom's passing. Plus, I loved Boo with all of my heart. I have never had an animal rely on me like she did. And now I look at her sister and I am just scared to death that she will be gone tomorrow. And Boo's death was so hard. If she had to pass, I wish it could have been quickly. She suffered. She was confused and scared. I will remember that for the rest of my life. All I want is to put her up on my lap and just hug her. It can't be. I can only hope and pray that I will see her and my mom again, in a place where no one ever dies and you never have to say goodbye.

That will always be my hope for me, for you, for all of us.

Comment by Luisa Salter on Saturday

Brett I'm so sorry about losing Boo. I have lost pets before also and it's very painful. terrible that you have to deal with it while you are still deep in grief over losing your Mom. Hugs
Try to believe that God will give you what you need to get through each day. That's where I'm at right now. With the arrival of fall weather here in Oregon, more memories of my mother and a new layer of grief have surfaced. She loved the fall and Halloween was he favorite holiday.
Next weekend will be Mom's memorial service. I've been working on that today, it's really hard going through and choosing photos, flowers etc.

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 12, 2017 at 10:31am

Thanks, Lisa. I also feel like death is all around me. Boo's sister is still alive but every time I look at her I feel like she is going to leave me, too.

It's hard. I have never had a little dog rely on me the way that Boo did. She was always close enough to me to bump her little wet nose against me when she needed me. What I wouldn't give to feel that again. 

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