This is my first day on this site. I lost my dad 9 years ago this coming July to suicide. His birthday just past and I just lost a close friend as well. Father’s Day is coming up and I am hurting more so this year then before. I was the one that found him and lately I have been dreaming of it. I have not done that since he did it. Maybe it’s because I just lost my close friend...I am not sure but I can’t shake the feeling of sadness and the grief is as fresh as it was the day I found him. I feel so alone

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I understand, I only just lost my husband to suicide 2 months ago and I don’t understand how it will ever feel better again

Alice I still feel this way after 9 years. I mean over time it does get easier however that pain never goes away. I am so sorry for your loss. One thing I will tell you do not blame yourself. I spent years blaming myself and it just doesn’t help I no that is easier said then done but like others tell me it was not my fault and it isn’t yours. My heart goes out to you and if you ever need someone I am here

I sent him away that night

Still though you did not make him do what he did just like I didn’t make my dad so what he did. But I still blame my self about my dad as well like what I could of done different yet I had no idea he was going to do what he did

I always thought just never really thought he would 

It’s just so messed up

You no my dad tried 4 times before he actually succeeded so I never really thought he would do it either not successful yet all the other times he attempted he showed it and I was able to get him help. This last time he didn’t e en show he was depressed. The night before we where planning on what we where doing the following weekend no hint of depression that time so I was shocked

Don’t they know what they leave behind,it’s awlful, I have to make sure my kids are ok, I have to be strong, it just really sucks

I was going to ask how your kids are doing. I know I was not a kid when I lost him I was in my early 20’s but it traumatized me. Especially finding him and no matter how old I was or am now it’s like I feel orphaned. I lost my mom when I was a kid (10) so I have no parents or even grandparents now. I just keep thinking why dad why did you leave me alone like you did and then I still cry about it. Your a good mom to make sure your kids are ok I wish I still had my mom to do that with

I just don know how to stay strong for them, I have to learn things I’ve never have before....it’s very overwhelming 

They all are in counseling now

Counseling is a good thing I have been in it since I was 10 when I had my first loss when I lost my mom. Not ashamed to admit I am now in my 30s and still in it to cope

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Worst Documented Day of my life

On the 1st of July 2020, I watched my life take her last breath. My life was and in many ways still is about my mother. I have never felt more lost and empty than I do now since she left. Fast forward to the 4th of October and I attempted suicide. I was unsuccessful unfortunately. I still don't want to be here but I'm forcing myself to live because I mean I wake up everyday so clearly God isn't ready to accept me into his kingdom.Until then nothing about life feels okay. I really miss my mom.
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